Tag Archives: dreams

Telephone Tits

You might ask, exactly what are — telephone tits?

I’m glad you asked. It allows me to expound on one of my favorite subjects, historical advertising trivia!

Okay, I have through a gazillion photos looking for the Bell Telephone ad that ran in the early 70’s. It was featured in a mid 70’s edition of Hustler magazine. It was cited in the book “Subliminal Seduction”. And I have been unable to locate it. It showed a woman holding one of the old wooden box phones that had an attached microphone and an earpiece on a cord. It had two bells on the front. Guess where they were on the model. RING those bells, we have a winner!

BTW, my searches also yielded this,
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fs3-ak.buzzfeed.com%2Fstatic%2F2015-01%2F14%2F15%2Ftmp%2Fwebdr10%2F937f35121dc696b11dd94654938f5359-10.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailydot.com%2Fvia%2Fsigns-that-craigslist-ad-is-fake%2F&docid=udHSVOZK_hly1M&tbnid=rBzkrmGuU8Z72M%3A&vet=1&w=568&h=251&bih=659&biw=1366&ved=0ahUKEwjD_8vhsa_QAhVp2oMKHbPpD1M4hAcQMwhRKE4wTg&iact=mrc&uact=8

I don’t duck the issues!

Reach out and touch someone!
Touch!
You might be surprised at their response be it a squeak or a giggle.

Wild

is your phone on vibrate?

This Dream Takes the Cake

One function of my blog is to serve as a dream journal when I wake up from a particularly odd dream. It can be but isn’t necessarily consistent in it’s continuity. There is an episode of House where Dr House attempts to determine reality from hallucination by looking for breaks in continuity. This dream had several, but memory is a tricky thing because it tends to edit for continuity. That’s why it’s important to write down bits of the dream while they are still fresh. Observations about the dream are in italics. Here it is.

My coworker K. and I were discussing another coworker’s event. Specifically we were discussing the cake. Should it be a full sheet cake or less? What flavor? First real lack of coherence, we were discussing MAKING the cake. Who has an oven big enough for a whole sheet cake? We decide to go to the store and buy a box of cake mix. ONE, regular sized box. We are in the kitchen, continuity jump, part of why dreams seem so weird.
I turn the box over for instructions, gee, why wouldn’t I do that at the store before buying it? instead of instructions there is a news story. Must be Al Gore’s fault. Only in the internet age would there be news stories on the backs of boxes of cake mix. The article is about a winery employee trolling for kids when elementary school classes tour the winery. He gets them drunk. I don’t work at a winery in the dream or real life. I just see the story. I’ve been awake long enough now that the sharp jumps in the dreamline are fading. I am beginning to forget the dream. Lights come on and a car runs into my car knocking me off the road! It’s Buford T. Justice pulling me over! Highly startling break in continuity, in other words WTF! It’s the scene from Smokey and the Bandit where Jackie Gleason is standing at the driver’s window. It’s garbled, I don’t remember the scene well enough to dream it clearly. There are strange noises. Outside noises are impinging on my dream, Danger!! IS SOMEONE IN MY HOUSE!!!

At that point I woke up. Groggy, but unable to identify where the noise is coming from or what it is.

Okay, road construction outside my house. Mystery solved. I think the car crash was the noise of a backhoe dislodging concrete. I’m kind of surprised the jackhammer didn’t turn into gunfire.

Some days I don’t sleep well.

Wild

Blood is Thicker than Water, or even Pee for that Matter

I had a nightmare last week. I hesitate to call it a night mare as opposed to a night stallion or night swayback nag, or a night gelding.

And when I have a nightmare it isn’t so much about incredible fear. That is actually part of the quandary. What did that dream mean? Here are some examples I have wrote about in the past.
https://wildoats1962.wordpress.com/2012/12/09/turnip-dreams-and-other-things/
https://wildoats1962.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/not-another-turnip-dream/

The dream I had last week had nothing to do with turnips.

Just thought I should tell you that. In the dream a friend of mine was traveling by car through my area and needed a place to rest overnight. I told him that I could put him up for the night no problem. In the dream I was living in an extremely large, very old, ancestral home with lots of extra rooms. This was odd since no one in my family has ever owned a house like that. Anyway, after my friend shows up a bunch of relatives also show up wanting to stay. Then more relatives show up, and more still. I run out of usable rooms. There are more rooms but they are full of junk. Everybody pitches in and it’s rather late but they all get cleared. We did discover that a rock slide had penetrated one wall. Strange that we didn’t even notice that earlier. As I was getting ready to go to sleep I decided to pee first. The bathroom was large with several chairs and people talking in there. Somehow that seemed normal. I started peeing and it was coming out blood. I don’t mean it was urine mixed with pee. It was all blood. While the relatives were commenting on that and asking if I was okay it dawned on me that they were all relatives that had died long ago. THAT bugged me. I woke up soon after that when I had to pee in real life. It was with great trepidation that I went to the bathroom. In 2012 I had some surgery that caused me to pee blood for about a month. When it is mostly blood coming out it feels weird because BLOOD IS THICKER then pee. Semen is also thicker then pee but feels much better coming out than blood does.

I could say TMI, but that also stands for Three Mile Island and I didn’t have a meltdown because of the dream.

Wild

Broad Vistas

I have many peculiarities. Time is one of them. Hot babes, who qualifies? Subjective evaluations follow. Is that an evaluation of physical appearance? Is it an evaluation of… …. BODY TEMPERATURE.

I desire a cool environment. AC is a must. Unless you have a pool. That would be acceptable. A kiddie pool is useful.

If all else fails a horse trough will suffice, but cow drool is truly disgusting.

Agnes Morehead, Francis Bavier, Angela Lansbury, were absolutely totally hot in their day.

That day continues to exist in the time continuum. Raquel Welch is an exception. Some are timelessly sexy like Raquel and Sophia Loren. Mae West was sexy right up to her death. In Heaven I might come up and see her sometime.

The passion of flesh for flesh out weighs the passion of intellect for intellect. Base desires sometimes rule, but they might look for justification.

It would seem that I am unfortunate in desiring females that are not coincident with my timeline. It’s a curse. Even into the future.

Succotash and Hash, A Love Story

Succotash, lima beans and corn, does anybody actually LIKE lima beans? After my mom died I found some very unusual frozen dinners. These were factory made and not simply some weird concoction she made. I might add weirdness runs in families and it has caught up to some of us. Lima Beans, rutabagas, and meatloaf were in some. Others had kohlrabi, corn, and chicken. I knew what those veggies were. How many people would know what those are? There was no obvious brand name, but they had that thin plastic seal with a freshness date. I don’t like succotash. I don’t like Lima beans. I’ll eat any food. Those are just quite bland, and I prefer foods that have some sort of flavor. Tofu can be quite bland but not if you add it to very spicy stuff.

Hash. Unless you are talking about psychoactive foods hash falls into the category of olio. Irish stew, shepherd’s pie, chop suey, and hash were ways of dealing with leftovers. Beef Stroganoff was leftover onion soup with beef, sour cream, and thickener. Hash was fried leftover meat and potatoes, good stuff.

Suck O’tash could be a display of affection for someone with facial hair. Perhaps they were giving mustache rides and wanted to share the flavor. They might indicate this through a “Hash” tag.

Stay with me, this gets complicated.

I’m a big fan of GregandLou.com. Some of their early work included a set of videos about “MILF Solicitors”. Hilarious, loved it. In the first one, Jax is wearing a t-shirt offering mustache rides. Just remember that, I’ll get back to that point. Maybe not, I’ll just put the vid here.

They’ve made a Christmas vid most years. I don’t remember them doing “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Why would I mention what they didn’t do? I’ll get back to that also. But, in the meantime I will tell you just how weird I was as a child. Whenever they got to the line, “I threw up the sash”, my child’s mind didn’t consider window construction. To me “Threw up the sash” seemed like it would mean vomiting some hybrid succotash/hash recipe. In my mind I said “Good, it sounds terrible! It should be thrown up!”

They also made a kind of strange artsy film. At first it really didn’t sink in what they were doing. Then it did.

Now you can forget everything I’ve told you.

wild

Cetaceans Vs Crustaceans, Prawn Wars for the Krill of it

Not much of a war really, the cetaceans have a whale of a time, and the krill are tiny. A really big one would be…., oh, a Jumbo Shrimp. That’s an oxymoron. I can’t help wondering if idiots aflame would have the same impact. When the lightbulb breaks the filament oxidizes rapidly and the ideas fade to darkness.

It is better to light a single candle than curse the darkness. The final panel of that Peanuts strip was black with Lucy saying, “Stupid Darkness.” Thank You Mr Schultz.

In times of doubt and uncertainty, one should reflect on the absolutes of life.

I refer to death and taxes
Wild

Was That Your Bidet? No

No it was my B-day as in birthday. I’m 52 now, just like a deck of cards. Only there are a couple of jokers so it can’t be a full deck. A pinochle deck only has 48 cards. What can you expect, they named the game after some unusual watersports fetish, of course you’re not playing with a full deck. And don’t even bring up one-eyed jacks. You keep them under the table and out of sight. Discretion.

Discretion means discrete quanta. Whatever it is it comes in individual clumps not smooth continuity. Yeah, people are like that. You can always tell where one person ends and another begins. The less discrete they are the easier it is to tell.

Sort of.

Took some time off from work, so it’s been fun not plowing snow, although I do still have to do my own sidewalk and driveway. And it has definitely been cold too. My sleep is still on my work schedule, even so, I should try to get to bed earlier. This is probably my shortest post. I’m still alive and a little older.

Is that a Bigfoot doing the Hustle? {just justifying the tags, it doesn’t mean anything}

Flat Tax? Thumb Tacks? Just Plain Tacky? YES!! That Was It!

I got almost nothing done this weekend. Where does the time go. I’m behind on every blog I read now. The shows I usually catch up on through Hulu/Netflix remain unwatched. I haven’t posted in a few days. I haven’t done hardly any housework.

I really should give credit where credit is due. The last part of the title is a takeoff from Douglas Adams. The Captain of the B ark tells Arthur and Ford that the ship is programmed to crash, not land, and Ford says, “You’re all a bunch of useless bloody loonies!” The Captain says, “Yes! That was it! That was the reason!”

As for credit about not doing anything, that was due to me. I got lazy.

Curiosity might not always kill the cat, sometimes it baptizes it. At work our loading dock is not heated, but it still is protected by a sprinkler system. Since it does get chilly here in Iowa they fill those sprinkler pipes with compressed air and they only fill with water when the air pressures drops. Someone snagged a piece of equipment on a sprinkler and tried to force it out from under the sprinkler head. It snapped off and the two people in question were not in maintenance and not familiar with how the fire system works. They heard the air, they stood under it and looked at it. ……. Then they were blasted with nasty stagnant water that had been sitting in the pipes quite a while. I didn’t see it. I get along with both of them, but it would still have been hilarious to see them sprayed. It would even have been worth having to clean up the mess afterward. Even when you know where the cut-off is, an awful lot of water can end up on the floor before you get it shut off.

I mentioned this song to a coworker, and he didn’t recognize it. We sang it in music class quite a bit. I didn’t like it then, but it grows on you with time {a lot of things are like that, fungus, bugs, gross things, etc.}

A couple of things come to mind with this song. In Fahrenheit 451, all the houses have aerial antennas, except the house with the books{and the firemen start fires not put them out}. In this video the garage has a satellite dish, it looks like one of the old ones.

Perhaps this is the remnant of some bizarre childhood event, but I can’t help wondering what ticky-tacky is, and would it be fun to play with. Yes, I can be disgusting sometimes.

Speaking of that, it’s getting late I should go to bed now.

Wild

That’s The Last Straw!

Actually it isn’t the last straw, I have another package in the cupboard. It was the last of the longer straws though. I prefer the shorter ones. First of all, if you’re drinking a carbonated beverage the bubbles will accumulate between sips and cause the straw to float. If the straw is long, it becomes top heavy and falls out of the glass. If the glass is short the straw sticks up to a point where it becomes easy to accidentally bump or catch it. One time I was in the student union talking to a friend during lunch. My sleeve snagged the straw pulling my cup over spilling my drink. In an effort to avoid the spill I pushed my chair back. It didn’t slide, it pivoted. As the chair was going over backward, I did the natural normal thing. I kicked my legs out for balance. Unfortunately, I kicked the table. It went over the other way spilling the rest of the stuff on my friend. We decided to leave since everyone was staring at us.

I doubt that everyone was staring. It was probably only the people nearest us. Whenever you do something really undignified it just feels like everybody is watching. The trick is to take a bow with a flourish to indicate that you like the attention. That’s the surest way to be ignored. Doubly so if you hold out a hat.

I had Malaysian roommates in college, but I spent a good deal of my free time with artists and philosophers.

This song takes me back to 1982. The best year of my life. They remind me of the people I used to hang and drink with. A lot of bad happened that year, but the good outweighed it.

Forever Wild

Deep Throat Tricky Dick Get a Plumber to Stop The Leak

I had debated saying something about the Flintstones having a Gay Ol’ Time. Not this time.

Deep Throat in this case has nothing to do with Linda Lovelace, it was a guy. He was sharing Tricky Dicky secrets. I mean Nixon. He’s the guy that started trade with China. I also find it amusing that Cartoon Network has a show where the good guy secret agents are plumbers. Yeah, that was Nixon’s idea too. Send the plumbers in to spy on McGovern. The problem was the coverup. Kind of like with Clinton. If he had just said, “yeah we had sex, go mind your own fucking business, we broke no laws.” They would have had no legal reason to impeach. Eventually they would have found or invented one. That’s how politics are played. Even though I was only 12 during the hearings that was my introduction to political thought. They interrupted my cartoons. It better be damn important. So I watched the hearings. I heard about G Gordon Liddy basically BBQing his hand to prove his loyalty {SNL did a skit}. And not too long after Watergate, you had Wilbur Mills and Fanne Fox{e} making the news. I think she was Argentinian. Maybe Mark Sanford would know. Chevy Chase claims he had injuries from impersonating Pres. Ford. Ford fell down alot {or so it seemed. I do remember seeing a pic of him sprawled on some stairs after he stepped out of a helicopter before it landed.

I guess that’s enough politics for now. I’d do Betty, I’d prefer Wilma, but she’d never leave Fred. Fran Smith wouldn’t be too bad. Peggy Hill {eh, maybe}, Lois Griffin {maybe}, Rocky the Flying Squirrel {hey, the voice is June Foray, a woman, course the character is also a squirrel, maybe Arch would do her.}