Telephone Tits

You might ask, exactly what are — telephone tits?

I’m glad you asked. It allows me to expound on one of my favorite subjects, historical advertising trivia!

Okay, I have through a gazillion photos looking for the Bell Telephone ad that ran in the early 70’s. It was featured in a mid 70’s edition of Hustler magazine. It was cited in the book “Subliminal Seduction”. And I have been unable to locate it. It showed a woman holding one of the old wooden box phones that had an attached microphone and an earpiece on a cord. It had two bells on the front. Guess where they were on the model. RING those bells, we have a winner!

BTW, my searches also yielded this,
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fs3-ak.buzzfeed.com%2Fstatic%2F2015-01%2F14%2F15%2Ftmp%2Fwebdr10%2F937f35121dc696b11dd94654938f5359-10.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailydot.com%2Fvia%2Fsigns-that-craigslist-ad-is-fake%2F&docid=udHSVOZK_hly1M&tbnid=rBzkrmGuU8Z72M%3A&vet=1&w=568&h=251&bih=659&biw=1366&ved=0ahUKEwjD_8vhsa_QAhVp2oMKHbPpD1M4hAcQMwhRKE4wTg&iact=mrc&uact=8

I don’t duck the issues!

Reach out and touch someone!
Touch!
You might be surprised at their response be it a squeak or a giggle.

Wild

is your phone on vibrate?

Johnny Needs a Walker

Brandy is dating Alexander while Jim Beams.

I was going to post a video of an SNL skit with Garrett Morris as Johnny Walker, and other characters as booze related hallucinations. I couldn’t find it.

For shame.

As my breath is heavy with alcohol I will say that the point of pasta is not the sprinkling of Parmesan, but it is the savoring of the sauce. Oh what a sauce! Be it hot and garlicy or a buttery alfredo, it is such a taste sensation. It fills the mouth with pleasure.

Wild

A Text Message from AD 1509

You think I’m joking?!?!

Would *I* joke about something like that?

Well of course I would. That’s not the point.

It’s actually the shaft, not the point. The point leads, the shaft follows.

Do you want to get the shaft?

Maybe I can help. I’ll tell you a story.

In English.
Once upon a time I blogged on a site that had both free and paid memberships. As the site got more popular they wanted to be paid for more and more stuff. I didn’t want to pay for it. I told them a story on my blog. Some gold members tried to e-mail me. I still did not want to pay for it. The site wouldn’t let me see what those members wrote.

They told me I had messages. They just blurred them out. Then I had an idea. I remembered a trick I had used on their blogs. {please bear with me at this point. I was too lazy to figure out how exactly to do this on this platform}. If you select a font color that is very similar to the background color the text is almost, or if they are the same- impossible to read. BUT, and that is a *very* big butt, it is easily readable if you highlight the text for copy/cut. Laziness precludes my showing you that.

I tried that with the blurred out e-mails from gold members. AHA! Clear text! Well sort of. It’s in a different language. It looks like Latin. I can’t translate Latin. Let’s see if the internet can!

No.

Well, sort of no.

It had nothing to do with the original message. It was NOT a Latin translation of that e-mail.

It was the Lorem Ipsom.

A sex/dating/meat market site used an ethics post from 1509AD to blank out text.
http://www.lipsum.com/

Wild with a sticky post for messages

Okaaaayyy, After my head explodes I’ll make a Political Post

http://www.businessinsider.com/hannity-glenn-beck-trump-2016-10

The preview didn’t give details. Good. I’m not sure how many times my head can explode.

I find myself agreeing with Glenn—-whoops there goes my head again.

Okay, okay, Red Dwarf fans bear with me. This is like Kryten contemplating ketchup with lobster.

Rhett Butler Answers Rhetorical Question Without Reticence

And rhetoric can get so tiresome. If you see a headline that immediately causes any reasonable thinking person to explode with rage, bear in mind that there is probably more to the story.

There are shades of gray. There are more than fifty shades of grey even.

YES!!! I spelled them differently. Are we going to argue about the a or the e?

Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.

But….. May you be half an hour in Heaven before the devil knows you’re dead. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf0E_PJtJWg

You can think what you want right?

Maybe. You could go somewhere less constrained just remember to floss.

Or maybe not.

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/f7e66079d9ba4b4985d7af350619a9e3/medical-benefits-dental-floss-unproven

Wild
Someday I will have to watch the movie.

Anomalies

Do you ever find yourself thinking that so-and-so was really really hot. And then you look at the date it was made and realize that so-and-so is ancient if they are even alive.

Does that make a difference?

What difference does it make?

Now if you were paying attention the second question implies a positive response to the first question, and therefore one appropriate response might be “Fuck You!”

I like that. Stand up proud for how you feel.

However I am not like that myself. I find almost all fetishes interesting from an intellectual standpoint. Well what the Hell do you like, people might ask me. Being as much a part of your orgasm as I can be, would be my response. Being part of that moment when you go past the point of no return is what really gets me going.

So what does that have to do with anything?

Absolutely nothing!!!

Unless you like antique porn. Or you can imagine what it would be like to have sex with historical figures.

That is unfortunately one of my hangups.

Sexy silent film stars rock

modern dentistry helps

Blood is Thicker than Water, or even Pee for that Matter

I had a nightmare last week. I hesitate to call it a night mare as opposed to a night stallion or night swayback nag, or a night gelding.

And when I have a nightmare it isn’t so much about incredible fear. That is actually part of the quandary. What did that dream mean? Here are some examples I have wrote about in the past.

Turnip Dreams and Other Things

Not Another Turnip Dream

The dream I had last week had nothing to do with turnips.

Just thought I should tell you that. In the dream a friend of mine was traveling by car through my area and needed a place to rest overnight. I told him that I could put him up for the night no problem. In the dream I was living in an extremely large, very old, ancestral home with lots of extra rooms. This was odd since no one in my family has ever owned a house like that. Anyway, after my friend shows up a bunch of relatives also show up wanting to stay. Then more relatives show up, and more still. I run out of usable rooms. There are more rooms but they are full of junk. Everybody pitches in and it’s rather late but they all get cleared. We did discover that a rock slide had penetrated one wall. Strange that we didn’t even notice that earlier. As I was getting ready to go to sleep I decided to pee first. The bathroom was large with several chairs and people talking in there. Somehow that seemed normal. I started peeing and it was coming out blood. I don’t mean it was urine mixed with pee. It was all blood. While the relatives were commenting on that and asking if I was okay it dawned on me that they were all relatives that had died long ago. THAT bugged me. I woke up soon after that when I had to pee in real life. It was with great trepidation that I went to the bathroom. In 2012 I had some surgery that caused me to pee blood for about a month. When it is mostly blood coming out it feels weird because BLOOD IS THICKER then pee. Semen is also thicker then pee but feels much better coming out than blood does.

I could say TMI, but that also stands for Three Mile Island and I didn’t have a meltdown because of the dream.

Wild

Fighting Fire With Fire, or at least a really big hose

Sometimes I get a little tired of people grandstanding on supposedly moral issues. So I’ll do the grandstanding myself.

What bathroom should you use?

Well what are you going to do in there?

When someone complains about transgender folks using the wrong bathroom they always use the example of a anatomically male person using the ladies room. Fine. We can designate ALL restrooms as men’s rooms and the only issue will be females using the wrong restroom.

Why do the most vocal critics always use the example of a male in the ladies room? That’s rather sexist and paternalistic if you ask me. I think it is based in the opinion that gender ambiguity isn’t real. They seem to doubt that one can have a set of genitals that are different from one’s gender identity. Therefore people who want to use the “Wrong” restroom just want to perv in there.

I disagree.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/118/2/753?sso=1&sso_redirect_count=1&nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

Sometimes a babies’ gender is not apparent. The parents or the doctors decide what to make it. Sometimes they are wrong. This person thinks mistakes get made.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgan_Holmes

Now, if you have a child with a definite gender and that gender is different from your own, where do you take the kid to potty when you’re not home?

Just increase the number of single occupancy restrooms. Make better, bigger partitions if that’s the only way. Just don’t assume anybody different from you must be evil.

Wild

Wild has left the building. NOT!

I would never desert my blogging post. I’m not getting any younger. I’m not Peter Pan. But I’m not Smee either. There are several bloggers I miss reading. I maintain my standard membership at another site specifically to read certain blogs. Reading someone is different than other forms of communicating. Are your virtual friends not real friends? Of course they are. The friendship can be both closer and more distant at the same time. Closer in that you share what you think somewhat more. Distant in that you don’t get the nonverbal communication. It’s a little hard to read body language if you can’t see the person. The radio interviewer Terry Gross interviews people over the phone instead of in the studio. She doesn’t get more visual cues than any listener. Her show is “Fresh Air” on public radio.

The movie “Stalled” takes place in a bathroom with two people talking through the partition. They talk during a zombie apocalypse so it is a bit odd. It does provide an example of how people relate when they can’t see each other.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2140429/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Wild

I Attempted to Make a Bung Wrench. I Failed

Bung wrenches open bung holes. They are not medical devices. That is not speculation. That would just be speculums.

Ba-bum! drumbeat there

Opening drums is done by removing the bung from the bung hole. That is not always easy without a bung wrench. Now I wasn’t opening any drums the other day, but I was working on a Major Fawcett problem. My kitchen faucet was dripping and I decided to fix it. I’ll quote what I posted on Facebook.

Worked on a project today. My kitchen faucet has been dripping for awhile. If it’s not much it isn’t a big deal in Iowa. It just makes it that much less likely your pipes will freeze. The drip rate recently got worse and I decided to replace it. *I* had installed the current faucet myself 20 years and 6 weeks ago. Yes I know that. I’m kind of anal about record keeping. I looked at it. I went to Blains and bought a new one. Looking at it I remembered thinking that it would be a good idea to spend a little more and get a more solidly made one with more brass and less plastic. Today my thought was, the major part of this project will be getting the old faucet out. After that I should be able to install, clean it up and leak check in about a half an hour. I was absolutely right. The first three hours consisted of laying on my back in a mixture of windex, Mr Clean, floor soap, interspersed with holding tools in contorted positions with water, rust, lime scale, and tools falling on my head. The last half hour was installing and cleaning. The extra money I had spent on brass had ended up going for corrosion instead. That was one tough faucet to get out. I really don’t plan on living long enough to have to do it again. By then it would kill me if I wasn’t already dead.

So, what does that have to do with bung wrenches? The locking nuts on the bottom of the faucet had a shape that reminded me of bungs I had removed from barrels of other stuff. I don’t own my own bung wrench. I tried to cobble something that looked like a bung wrench. It did look right. But it was not strong enough.

I finished the job without having to fix any new leaks, no leaks runs or errors!

The next day my arms were sore any time I put my arms up over me. So I didn’t keep doing that. Some people put their arms up quite a lot. Some people are into BD/SM too. Not me though, it’s just not my thing. I have read about it and talked to a few people that were into it. I am into reading and talking. In the mid 70’s Club magazine had so-so pictorials but really weird articles. It provided a drastic stark difference between the people that said “I read it for the articles” and the people who ACTUALLY did read it for the articles. It was amusing to ask the former group if they had read Karl Steiner’s column. It didn’t matter which answer they gave I would ask them, “Well what’s his column about in that issue?” I almost always enjoyed that gag.

Karl Steiner is a very common name. I had trouble finding any references to quote. The following sites include the table of contents for various issues. Beyond that I don’t know much about them. On some pictures you can also read the cover headlines.

http://www.myerscollectibles.com/store/item/1d0vp/Mens_Magazines/Club_Magazine_Vol_1_1_February_1975.html

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197603.htm

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197606.htm

Wild