Tag Archives: expect the unexpected

Paraphilia, Feel Ya Pair

As word play I realize that’s reaching. Inappropriate reaching is a paraphilia. I’m sure of it.

I’m a guy. Guy’s think about sex almost constantly. Today a coworker walked by and I thought, her tits didn’t used to be that big. I’ve known her 27 years. We’ve never worked the same shift, and I don’t know her real well. Like I said, I’m a guy. I’m going to notice the bounce. So then I wonder, are they real? In addition to being horny and aged, I can be philosophical. What IS real? Is a dildo or vibrator real? What about a cockring? Lingerie? Jewelry? If your nipples are pierced does that make them non-real? I once heard a psychiatrist on a telecourse that there were only so many orifices and protuberances on the body and nothing was as kinky as it’s practitioners thought. That’s not true anymore. People get body modification surgery and create new ones.

So what is really real. Probably whatever floats your boat. Adornment is intended to make you feel sexy. If you feel sexy others will probably find you sexy as well. If they don’t that’s their problem. If the adornment needs to be extreme, well, you might have issues. Some issues are collectables. The lady in question had breast cancer a number of years ago so maybe maybe she had some augmentation to feel better. That’s her business. If so, I hope it worked for her. I’ll appreciate the bounce for the same reason climbers go up Everest, because it’s there.

I could stop here. But wouldn’t it be fun to keep going?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

Quite the list there. Wow. All the bases are covered right?

Maybe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_technical_terms_for_nonparaphilic_sexual_interests

Okay okay, maybe not.

I almost titled this “Money and Sex” I would have went here first.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovemap

Sometimes I can’t help but get pervy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perversion

What a way to end
Wild

After 50 Sub Sandwiches What Color is Your Mustard?

Do you want the meat on the top, bottom, or middle?

Do you want Ham, Chicken, Turkey, or beefcake?

Horsemeat has to be reined in to prevent unbridled passion, but a little ass is okay.

Dodos are extinct but there might be some in the metaphorical/political pantry.

In the event of choking remember the Heine Lick maneuver.

Eat At Joe’s

Joe’s Garage that is.

Wild

Assessing the Emotional State of Bivalves

I really like this video.

There are seven women in the video. I consider them to be very attractive, but that isn’t the whole reason I like this clip. The lyrics are interesting too. It’s kind of a life metaphor, destination unknown. Life as a journey destination the grave. That probably wouldn’t be as popular.

Why are they attractive? You seldom see their eyes so it isn’t that. They have appealing bodies. So do lots of people. Their smiles? There are elements to that. Curiously enough researchers say that average features tend to be regarded as attractive. That makes sense if you think about reactions to features that vary away from the average. A Neanderthal brow ridge would not be pretty by most people’s standards. Chrystal Waters has an asymmetric smile. But she wears it well. In clips about the making of the video they talk about the challenge of keeping the lipstick free from smudges and bright. I do like their lips. What about those heels? How do you dance in heels like that?

I would be a bit unbalanced, but that is “Normal” for me. Unbalanced but happy as a clam, I try not to get steamed. I might clam up if I do, but irritation leads to pearls.

Wild

Succotash and Hash, A Love Story

Succotash, lima beans and corn, does anybody actually LIKE lima beans? After my mom died I found some very unusual frozen dinners. These were factory made and not simply some weird concoction she made. I might add weirdness runs in families and it has caught up to some of us. Lima Beans, rutabagas, and meatloaf were in some. Others had kohlrabi, corn, and chicken. I knew what those veggies were. How many people would know what those are? There was no obvious brand name, but they had that thin plastic seal with a freshness date. I don’t like succotash. I don’t like Lima beans. I’ll eat any food. Those are just quite bland, and I prefer foods that have some sort of flavor. Tofu can be quite bland but not if you add it to very spicy stuff.

Hash. Unless you are talking about psychoactive foods hash falls into the category of olio. Irish stew, shepherd’s pie, chop suey, and hash were ways of dealing with leftovers. Beef Stroganoff was leftover onion soup with beef, sour cream, and thickener. Hash was fried leftover meat and potatoes, good stuff.

Suck O’tash could be a display of affection for someone with facial hair. Perhaps they were giving mustache rides and wanted to share the flavor. They might indicate this through a “Hash” tag.

Stay with me, this gets complicated.

I’m a big fan of GregandLou.com. Some of their early work included a set of videos about “MILF Solicitors”. Hilarious, loved it. In the first one, Jax is wearing a t-shirt offering mustache rides. Just remember that, I’ll get back to that point. Maybe not, I’ll just put the vid here.

They’ve made a Christmas vid most years. I don’t remember them doing “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Why would I mention what they didn’t do? I’ll get back to that also. But, in the meantime I will tell you just how weird I was as a child. Whenever they got to the line, “I threw up the sash”, my child’s mind didn’t consider window construction. To me “Threw up the sash” seemed like it would mean vomiting some hybrid succotash/hash recipe. In my mind I said “Good, it sounds terrible! It should be thrown up!”

They also made a kind of strange artsy film. At first it really didn’t sink in what they were doing. Then it did.

Now you can forget everything I’ve told you.

wild

Ouroboros and Chinese Military Underwear

One of my many little pet peeves is when creationists use evolutionary language to describe economics or social structure. Darwin is wrong about natural selection, but that is how capitalism works. That is why certain societies flourish. Capitalism weeds out the inefficient. Capitalism is the equalizer in that if you have a better idea you can compete and win.

I call BS on that. History is far too chaotic. James Burke had a couple of series that showed a “Pinball” approach to history. They were “Connections” and “The Day The Universe Changed”. Random occurrences, luck plays a role. Yes, individual skills and work can be needed to utilize that luck, but luck plays a role. Look up the odds of surviving gastrulation if you doubt me. What constitutes a “Free” market? It doesn’t exist and has never existed except in the cases of niche markets for limited amounts of time. Economics, like the other social sciences is not as straight forward as mathematics, chemistry, or physics. In the latter two certain assumptions are made, but they’re made with an awareness of those assumptions. Physics will use massless strings and frictionless pulleys when teaching concepts. Chemistry uses homogenous solutions and uniform transitions in similar ways. They are useful when you acknowledge the limitations of your models. Any study involving people will involve specific individual reactions that really don’t model well. It gets more individualized when you have LEADERS. And that doesn’t have to be just political leaders. Would our space program look the same if Von Braun never came to the US? Would we have developed the bomb without Oppenheimer? Those people weren’t monolithic geniuses. They had help. They would acknowledge that help. They would probably have been influential in any society. Maybe. The social Darwinist might play up their individual capabilities regardless of the society they were in, proving the superiority of certain individuals. It’s an experiment we can’t do, although Hitler tried. I don’t think life is like a video game where you can restart and try a different strategy. And that is why the what if arguments get so volatile when talking about politics. It’s opinion not a repeatable experiment. Feelings aren’t necessarily logical or rational. Revenge is an ideal example. It’s never an eye for an eye. It’s an eye and a finger for an eye. How would you punish a mass/serial killer? You can only kill them once.

http://undertheradar.military.com/2014/12/5-chinese-military-uniform-fails/
Obviously not a G string, but stringy underwear none the less. Way back when the riots at Tiananmen Square were going on I heard that the military used their belts as flails. I have seen articles where people say that it’s not a good idea. The belt buckle doesn’t really do enough damage to deter an attack. I also heard that the belt buckles they were issued were quite heavy and capable of causing severe injuries. I seem to recall hearing that motorcycle chains worn as belts can be effective flails also.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/shortcuts/2013/jan/16/russian-soldiers-replacing-foot-wraps-socks

I remember seeing an Army training film about Russian foot wraps when I was in basic training. I can’t believe they used them that long. They did look interesting.

OKAY,

NOW DO YOU APPRECIATE THE UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroboros
As a Red Dwarf fan there is of course that reference. The unending circle of life, consuming and being consumed all at once, a Greek version of Yin/Yang or of the Phoenix, it’s all of those. First the bird eats the ants, after the bird dies the ants eat the bird.

Wild lost in the ozone again

Life, A Movement in C Flat

There are lots of ways to look at life. One could consider life to be the intermission between conception and death. The after-life and the before-life merely being separated by the annoying bit in the middle. Eternity first, then the finite part, then eternity again, sounds like a plan. Lots of assumptions in that plan though. Does the spirit or soul exist prior to conception? Is there a before-life? That’s usually the question about the after-life, and it is usually answered by, I’ll find out after I die. Does that same answer work for the before-life? In the comic strip “Non Sequitor” the answer is yes. If a before-life exists, then we have already been there and done that. We just can’t remember it. I have no memory of being born either, but I do have confidence in the people that tell me they remember my being born. My mother was adamant about my having been born. I also suspect that I currently exist. Proof is subjective, just ask Rene Descartes. He thought he existed too.

When an action is completed it can be said to be executed. He executed a U-turn on the highway against traffic. That’s a proper sentence even if the action described is not proper. If you do not complete the action it is not executed. He attempted a U-turn but failed to execute it. I suppose that would be a stay of execution. It is an interesting concept. Stopping an execution is a stay. Well they are going to stay around then right. Yes but will they wear corsets? Those also have stays. Perhaps it would be ironic to ask to be executed in a corset. Then if you received a stay of execution you might continue to exist or you might choke on a whale bone. If you stay in existence, then life would merely be the stay of the act of dying. Stick around, it might get better.

Well what about the after-life then? When’s that? When can a person cease to be alive? We might need to get back to those assumptions. A body can be kept on life support for a long time. If you decide life begins at conception, ie, a single cell with a unique set of DNA, you could also say that it continues as long as that DNA sequence continues to replicate. Henrietta Lacks would still be considered alive. Some would say she died in the 50’s, but not according to her cells. Gary Gilmore might still be alive too. He was shot by a firing squad because he wanted to be an organ donor. That was a while ago, but who knows his blood might still be flowing. The quality of life experienced by one’s cells might not be up to some peoples’ standards, but who judges the quality of life? Consider the beginning again, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrulation
Well that’s pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. You know, sea turtles just bury the eggs in the sand and leave. Hardly a good example of matronly care. If a human did that they would be charged with infanticide. And I don’t know of any people that actually had to rely solely on their own abilities without ever receiving any help. I will grant that gastrulation is a persons most impressive act as an individual. After that you need some help.

So, IS LIFE A MOVEMENT IN C FLAT?

No.

That is a Brit looking for a new residence.

Wild

Real or Not Real?

I’ll get to some humor in a minute, gotta rant first.

Reagan was wrong. GOVERNMENT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Human nature is the problem. Power corrupts and guess what, people with a lot of money have a lot of power. It is a very dangerous myth that “My enemy’s enemy is my friend”. The only time that hasn’t came back to bite us in the ass is when the French helped us during the revolutionary war. If you realize those two things you avoid a lot of problems.

Unfortunately the problems are already here.

In some ways things were a lot simpler when the Soviet Union was still around. Everything was put into an us or them context without the shades of gray. Dictators were bad, but are they on our side or theirs. If they’re on our side we’ll still give them money, but we’ll try to get them to do a better job of ensuring human rights. We’ll pressure them on that. What’re they going to do with the money? Well what is the purpose of money or more generally wealth. To make life easier, more comfortable, right. Initially yes, but I doubt that a person, dictator or not, could spend vast quantities of cash to improve their living standard. Any amount above a certain level isn’t going to yield more luxury. It’s going to be spent on influence. It might be used to pay for soldiers or sycophants, but that’s really not an increase in standard of living. It could be viewed as enhancing the standard of living for those sycophants and solders. The more the money is spread out the more it benefits people generally. It doesn’t really benefit anybody if it is hoarded and not spent SOMEWHERE. Where it is spent is determined by who is spending it. Do we allow governments to tax, raise money, and spend it according to the directives of people representing us, or do we allow unelected businessmen to make those decisions? Money is power. enough of the rant.

Rant number two–
What is this shit? Sorry, number two is sometimes used as an excretory euphemism.

Reality shows–
Really? Are ANY of them real? I’ll quote Adam Savage from Mythbusters, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” Right On Adam!

Just the Bear Facts, The guy signing in the corner KILLS me. There is adult content in this song. I find it amusing.

Wild

It? It!?! IT!!! My Baby isn’t an IT!!!!

A quote from Jerome Klapka Jerome around 1890 to 1900. At that time he was lamenting the predicament a young man can find himself in when presented with a young mother and child. At that time they dressed babies, ALL babies, in white. There was no convention about blue and pink. He advised young men to NEVER refer to the child as it. If he calls the little boy her or calls the little girl him, the mother and accompanying women will simply smile at him as if he is an imbecile. If he should absently call the child it, fury from said women will be unleashed.

About ten years ago the wife of my coworker Dave had a baby. One night wife and child visited our breakroom so the ladies in the office could see the baby. A former coworker {she later quit, thankfully} was on break at the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with less maternal urges. She was visibly annoyed when the crowd started piling up. I happened to glance her way and saw her scowling. An “If looks could kill” type of scowl. No one else noticed. It amused me. Actually it amused me that she was basically always pissed off. And it was very easy to really get on her nerves. After she stopped talking to me I used to make it a point to walk by her and say Hi. She would never respond, and after a while stopped making eye contact. I was telling one of my other coworkers about it, and he gave me some advice that I started heeding. He pointed out that if she ever flipped out and started shooting, I might be high up on the list from those Hi’s.

I hear they might make a “Goonies II”. The one guy was described as an it. He was a good it though.

When I think of Tony Randall I think of Felix Ungar. I’m sure a lot of other people do too. I could compare and contrast the Greatest American Hero, and the Meadow Party’s presidential candidate. The first is William Catt, the second is Bill the Cat. When I moved to what basically amounted to a small farm in 1981 there was a cat that wandered in from the fields. It bore an uncanny resemblance to Bloom County’s Bill the Cat {thank you Berkeley Breathed}. It was orange and black, sort of, it had mange or something that caused a significant amount of fur loss. It was very friendly. It would wander by linger for a half hour or so then go back into the fields. While it was hanging around it would go from person to person and rub his neck on your lower leg. Then he would put his nose in the cuff and blow big wads of snot all over your pant legs. He was very friendly, but the world was his handkerchief. William Catt also made a movie called “House”. I enjoyed the movie, and I was expecting to watch it the first time I watched the show called “House” about the doctor.

Now for Mr. Throatwarbler-Mangrove pronounced “Smith”. That was Monty Python, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition you know. The was also a sketch about Mr. Smoketoomuch. He enters the outer office and the receptionist, {played by the very busty Carol Cleveland} greets him by asking, “Are you here to book a holiday or did you want a blowjob?” They changed that line for American TV audiences. They didn’t think we could handle a blowjob.

Gotta love that Brit sense of humor. Jerome K Jerome’s writing style was similar to James Thurber’s. I don’t know if Thurber read J’s books or not. I was introduced to “Three Men In A Boat” thanks to Robert Graves. I watched Masterpiece Theatre’s “I, Claudius” back in the 70’s. I really enjoyed that. I decided to read the book. That was really good. I started reading all of Robert Graves’ books. Then I read “The Antigua Stamp”. Hated it. It pissed me off. Neither of the main characters was particularly likable. But when choosing between a malicious bumbling idiot and a malicious evil genius I have a modicum of more sympathy for the former. As a Southern friend of mine would say, “Bless his heart, he just don’t know any better.” It would seem Mr Graves disagrees with me. And he made fun of “Three Men In A Boat.” That was all the incentive I needed to read that book. It was hilarious. And not all that dated for being that old. It just goes to show that people are people regardless of their location in the space time continuum.

Plato had some unusual ideas about reality. The world we see is an imperfect image of the ideal. The ideal is the reality in a metaphysical bizarre sense. That would seem to make Platonic relationships even weirder. If it’s Platonic it’s strictly intellectual not sexual. That doesn’t really seem to follow. And it would make Plato’s Retreat positively boring if no one had sex. I wonder if they have Glory Holes there. Glory Glory Hallelujah, The Lord Has Cum. I know. I’m going to Hell for that one. Gotta find a Holy Man.

Wild

A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be A Petite Bertha

About a year ago I wrote a post titled A Rose By Any Other Name. I had forgotten about that. This one’s different.

I have never met anyone named Bertha. Names tend to fluctuate in popularity, and some names stay relatively common. Biblical names stay popular, at least some of them. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are all common in English speaking countries, although I don’t hear them used for Middle Easterners often. In the Army I met Justin Case, Officer Candidate James T. Kirk, and others. Since this was the Army I’m guessing Jim never made it past Captain.

That was the Army. There have been artillery guns named Bertha, Big Bertha. Maybe that’s part of why the name isn’t common. I have known a few women named Beatrice. All but one went by Bea. There was one Trixie though. I dated her Aunt, and the aunt’s name was NOT Bea. I don’t recall knowing any Gertrudes. Trudy would not be a bad name. I can picture an attractive Trudy. My mom named all of her cars Gertie. That’s not really the prettiest name, but it does have some possibilities. Dirty Gertie might be fun loving.

I am a Frank Zappa fan. Moon Unit and Dweezil would not be my first choices for kid’s names. I remember looking in music stores for Zappa stuff. They used to engrave it on these vinyl disks, or on plastic ribbons with magnetic materials. One day I noticed a placard that said “Bobby Brown.” I looked at the placard and thought, “Why would they have a whole category for one song?” I went over and started flipping through CDs. Then it hit me. THE ARTIST WAS CALLED BOBBY BROWN! That immediately made me smile. I also wondered if anyone had sent him Frank’s song titled Bobby Brown. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s-wzTRwJMg

Titles sometimes pop into my head, then I try to think of posts to go with them. Not true this time. I was going to title this one, “Inter-racial Lolita Lesbian Sex Between Midgets and Amazons.” The rest of the post would have been the same, but would have ended with me quoting my old blog from the other place. I wrote the following at 3AM 5-9-2006. ” I saw something unusual today. There were a pair of pigeons mating in the rafters. There was a small bird perched a few feet away watching them. It was clearly a different species. There it stood enjoying the view as the pigeons flapped and made noise and generally enjoyed themselves. As the pigeons reached a crescendo, the small bird flew to their nest took some nesting material and flew away. The pigeons settled down for a rest. It didn’t last long, soon they were at it again. Once again their audience showed up. The little bird watched till things reached a frenzy, then took some more nesting material. This scene repeated itself a total of four times.

I guess it shows that you should be careful who you let watch.”

I titled it, The Voyeur Bird. I suppose I could have called it Inter-species Lesbian etc.

Was That Your Bidet? No

No it was my B-day as in birthday. I’m 52 now, just like a deck of cards. Only there are a couple of jokers so it can’t be a full deck. A pinochle deck only has 48 cards. What can you expect, they named the game after some unusual watersports fetish, of course you’re not playing with a full deck. And don’t even bring up one-eyed jacks. You keep them under the table and out of sight. Discretion.

Discretion means discrete quanta. Whatever it is it comes in individual clumps not smooth continuity. Yeah, people are like that. You can always tell where one person ends and another begins. The less discrete they are the easier it is to tell.

Sort of.

Took some time off from work, so it’s been fun not plowing snow, although I do still have to do my own sidewalk and driveway. And it has definitely been cold too. My sleep is still on my work schedule, even so, I should try to get to bed earlier. This is probably my shortest post. I’m still alive and a little older.

Is that a Bigfoot doing the Hustle? {just justifying the tags, it doesn’t mean anything}