Tag Archives: bathroom humor

Lead A Full Life, Or an Empty One, Just don’t give the Statisticians an Opportunity

Do you believe in amassing reserves for use in troubled times?

Do you believe in utilizing ALL of one’s resources to accomplish a goal?

WHO is correct?

So much of life depends on philosophy. Philosophy and art are probably the two most undervalued majors for college students.

I was a Physics major. I haven’t worked in my field in 33 years. That doesn’t mean I’m not a scientist. It means I am an AMATEUR scientist. And if you check the history books, the amateurs are the ones that did a lot of the discoveries. I suppose I could try to be an evil mad scientist, but I woke up from a nightmare about that a few minutes ago so it’s probably not a good option. I would probably have more nightmares.

As to using resources, in the past week I have spent hundreds filling my freezer due to sales. I don’t intend to ever go hungry. Some don’t worry about those things. Forget ants and grasshoppers!

Nature provides examples.

If you have to, give them the bird.

Wild

Mr Spork, I Call You Runcible

It’s flooding here in Iowa. My house is on high ground, but yesterday I was almost an island. It was worse in 2008. There’s been a lot of comparisons in the news. One thing about that though. That flood was in the spring/early summer. We don’t usually get floods in the fall. And 500 year floods shouldn’t be happening 8 years apart.

http://lb.511ia.org/ialb/winterdriving/routeselect.jsf?view=state&text=m&textOnly=false

In 2008 the map at the 511 website had closures all over the state.

What does that have to do with anything? Well, since runcible is a nonsense word it has everything to do with it. I thought of the title first. Finding material to write about it is a little harder. Although I did learn that I was mistaken about a bit of trivia. I saw a commercial where they mentioned the inventiveness of whoever came up with the idea of a spork. The ad made it sound like a relatively recent invention. I had heard the term “Runcible spoon” and falsely assumed it was a much older term describing a spoon fork hybrid. I thought there might have been a person named Runcible. Nope.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runcible

Several years ago there was a car ad that really touted an ignition button on the dash. The ad claimed it was a new innovation. The person designing the ad had apparently never seen a pre-WWII car with an ignition button on the dash. They didn’t run the ad for very long so they must’ve figured it out. Advertising can provide a snapshot of consumer culture. Calgon, Take me away!”

That was hilarious. Hey, it fits in with consumer culture.

Wild

Blood is Thicker than Water, or even Pee for that Matter

I had a nightmare last week. I hesitate to call it a night mare as opposed to a night stallion or night swayback nag, or a night gelding.

And when I have a nightmare it isn’t so much about incredible fear. That is actually part of the quandary. What did that dream mean? Here are some examples I have wrote about in the past.
https://wildoats1962.wordpress.com/2012/12/09/turnip-dreams-and-other-things/
https://wildoats1962.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/not-another-turnip-dream/

The dream I had last week had nothing to do with turnips.

Just thought I should tell you that. In the dream a friend of mine was traveling by car through my area and needed a place to rest overnight. I told him that I could put him up for the night no problem. In the dream I was living in an extremely large, very old, ancestral home with lots of extra rooms. This was odd since no one in my family has ever owned a house like that. Anyway, after my friend shows up a bunch of relatives also show up wanting to stay. Then more relatives show up, and more still. I run out of usable rooms. There are more rooms but they are full of junk. Everybody pitches in and it’s rather late but they all get cleared. We did discover that a rock slide had penetrated one wall. Strange that we didn’t even notice that earlier. As I was getting ready to go to sleep I decided to pee first. The bathroom was large with several chairs and people talking in there. Somehow that seemed normal. I started peeing and it was coming out blood. I don’t mean it was urine mixed with pee. It was all blood. While the relatives were commenting on that and asking if I was okay it dawned on me that they were all relatives that had died long ago. THAT bugged me. I woke up soon after that when I had to pee in real life. It was with great trepidation that I went to the bathroom. In 2012 I had some surgery that caused me to pee blood for about a month. When it is mostly blood coming out it feels weird because BLOOD IS THICKER then pee. Semen is also thicker then pee but feels much better coming out than blood does.

I could say TMI, but that also stands for Three Mile Island and I didn’t have a meltdown because of the dream.

Wild

Wild has left the building. NOT!

I would never desert my blogging post. I’m not getting any younger. I’m not Peter Pan. But I’m not Smee either. There are several bloggers I miss reading. I maintain my standard membership at another site specifically to read certain blogs. Reading someone is different than other forms of communicating. Are your virtual friends not real friends? Of course they are. The friendship can be both closer and more distant at the same time. Closer in that you share what you think somewhat more. Distant in that you don’t get the nonverbal communication. It’s a little hard to read body language if you can’t see the person. The radio interviewer Terry Gross interviews people over the phone instead of in the studio. She doesn’t get more visual cues than any listener. Her show is “Fresh Air” on public radio.

The movie “Stalled” takes place in a bathroom with two people talking through the partition. They talk during a zombie apocalypse so it is a bit odd. It does provide an example of how people relate when they can’t see each other.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2140429/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Wild

I Attempted to Make a Bung Wrench. I Failed

Bung wrenches open bung holes. They are not medical devices. That is not speculation. That would just be speculums.

Ba-bum! drumbeat there

Opening drums is done by removing the bung from the bung hole. That is not always easy without a bung wrench. Now I wasn’t opening any drums the other day, but I was working on a Major Fawcett problem. My kitchen faucet was dripping and I decided to fix it. I’ll quote what I posted on Facebook.

Worked on a project today. My kitchen faucet has been dripping for awhile. If it’s not much it isn’t a big deal in Iowa. It just makes it that much less likely your pipes will freeze. The drip rate recently got worse and I decided to replace it. *I* had installed the current faucet myself 20 years and 6 weeks ago. Yes I know that. I’m kind of anal about record keeping. I looked at it. I went to Blains and bought a new one. Looking at it I remembered thinking that it would be a good idea to spend a little more and get a more solidly made one with more brass and less plastic. Today my thought was, the major part of this project will be getting the old faucet out. After that I should be able to install, clean it up and leak check in about a half an hour. I was absolutely right. The first three hours consisted of laying on my back in a mixture of windex, Mr Clean, floor soap, interspersed with holding tools in contorted positions with water, rust, lime scale, and tools falling on my head. The last half hour was installing and cleaning. The extra money I had spent on brass had ended up going for corrosion instead. That was one tough faucet to get out. I really don’t plan on living long enough to have to do it again. By then it would kill me if I wasn’t already dead.

So, what does that have to do with bung wrenches? The locking nuts on the bottom of the faucet had a shape that reminded me of bungs I had removed from barrels of other stuff. I don’t own my own bung wrench. I tried to cobble something that looked like a bung wrench. It did look right. But it was not strong enough.

I finished the job without having to fix any new leaks, no leaks runs or errors!

The next day my arms were sore any time I put my arms up over me. So I didn’t keep doing that. Some people put their arms up quite a lot. Some people are into BD/SM too. Not me though, it’s just not my thing. I have read about it and talked to a few people that were into it. I am into reading and talking. In the mid 70’s Club magazine had so-so pictorials but really weird articles. It provided a drastic stark difference between the people that said “I read it for the articles” and the people who ACTUALLY did read it for the articles. It was amusing to ask the former group if they had read Karl Steiner’s column. It didn’t matter which answer they gave I would ask them, “Well what’s his column about in that issue?” I almost always enjoyed that gag.

Karl Steiner is a very common name. I had trouble finding any references to quote. The following sites include the table of contents for various issues. Beyond that I don’t know much about them. On some pictures you can also read the cover headlines.

http://www.myerscollectibles.com/store/item/1d0vp/Mens_Magazines/Club_Magazine_Vol_1_1_February_1975.html

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197603.htm

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197606.htm

Wild

Two Score Years Ago I Was Too Sore To Soar Too.

Okay, maybe not quite forty years ago. Big Science came out in 82. But wouldn’t you be sore?

You would expect me to keep a record of the time? Going down on the Captain might lead to other things.

Well I said they were too sore. Too means excessive. Excessive oral sex leads to sensitivity and Beaver Breath.

Too can also mean also. Too!

And two can mean 2. The number two that is. I’m not talking about scat here. Herr stranger I don’t want to hear about scat. What about the score? What, beaver breath isn’t good enough you want to score too? Or were you talking about the musical score? Laurie had an interesting technique on another song from that album.

It’s interesting for me to watch this video now. I bought the vinyl on the recommendation of a friend not long after it came out. I bought the CD after I bought a CD player in 88. I saw this video for the first time just recently. I didn’t realize she signed on it until then. Learn something new all the time. But you would think Superman would have a cape? Where’s the cape?

Okay, this probably does go back forty years, but I just saw it recently. Superheros don’t {necessarily} wear dresses.

http://itwasneveradress.com/

I saw a personalized license plate at the gas station one day. It said PYTHAGORAS. I said to the guy getting gas, “You must be either a musician or a mathematician.” He replied, “So must you.” He was a musician. I told him to bake sugar cookies into regular polygons and have the kids use frosting to stack them into dodecahedra. You start with stars and chop off Isosceles triangles. That will leave you with pentagons and unhappy children. They might cheer up when they see how much frosting/chocolate is needed to stick the sides together. Then you tell them that Euclid’s Elements is actually a dessert cookbook.

You do realize that you can’t believe EVERYTHING you read on-line.

Wild

After 50 Sub Sandwiches What Color is Your Mustard?

Do you want the meat on the top, bottom, or middle?

Do you want Ham, Chicken, Turkey, or beefcake?

Horsemeat has to be reined in to prevent unbridled passion, but a little ass is okay.

Dodos are extinct but there might be some in the metaphorical/political pantry.

In the event of choking remember the Heine Lick maneuver.

Eat At Joe’s

Joe’s Garage that is.

Wild

Prosthetic Bugs Were Used

Can you guess the context?

BTW, context does not refer to felonious writings.

I have been expounding my political views here lately. I could go in various directions from that starting point. I could talk about NSA spying. I could talk about the billion dollar divorce. I could talk about Dorothy Zborknak.

I will talk about those, but briefly and without insect references. The billion dollar divorce is real. Dorothy Zborknak is NOT real, but at least one news site and a bunch of facebook users don’t realize that.

http://news.yahoo.com/1-billion-divorce-why-harold-hamms-ex-wife-132728063–finance.html

The question of how much of that money was directly earned by him and how much should be considered “Marital assets”. Good question. And when you answer that you could ask how much of that was due to the labor of employees and contractors. Maybe they should get a settlement. If the wealth exists as corporate stock I don’t have a problem with a corporate founder counting his company as his asset. I think companies should invest their profits into improvements for their company. I don’t think they should spend large quantities to buy politicians. I don’t think managers should come in, gut the assets and get a golden parachute. I also believe in tariffs to protect companies that stay here. I think that applies to companies that provide our economic, political, and military defenses. Multinational corporations do not have our back. Okay, I’ll shut up about that.

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2014/nov/11/americannewscom/first-execution-under-obamacare-death-panels-pants/

Really? Do conservatives hate the “Golden Girls”? Actually I really don’t like the preponderance of satire sites. Sometimes people say really stupid things and it is difficult to tell if it’s real. In 1984 Mark Russell made a joke about urban renewal. I thought it was a joke. I thought it was an outlandish ridiculous notion. A couple of years later I found out it was real. We need Satyr sites instead of so many satire sites.

The title has absolutely nothing to do with either subject and nothing to do with politics. The “No animals were harmed in the making of this movie” policy includes bugs for some. I watched “Night of the Demons 2”, and it included that quote at the end of the credits. The movie’s best quality is that it has an abundance of attractive young people showing off their bodies.

Wild

Real or Not Real?

I’ll get to some humor in a minute, gotta rant first.

Reagan was wrong. GOVERNMENT IS NOT THE PROBLEM. Human nature is the problem. Power corrupts and guess what, people with a lot of money have a lot of power. It is a very dangerous myth that “My enemy’s enemy is my friend”. The only time that hasn’t came back to bite us in the ass is when the French helped us during the revolutionary war. If you realize those two things you avoid a lot of problems.

Unfortunately the problems are already here.

In some ways things were a lot simpler when the Soviet Union was still around. Everything was put into an us or them context without the shades of gray. Dictators were bad, but are they on our side or theirs. If they’re on our side we’ll still give them money, but we’ll try to get them to do a better job of ensuring human rights. We’ll pressure them on that. What’re they going to do with the money? Well what is the purpose of money or more generally wealth. To make life easier, more comfortable, right. Initially yes, but I doubt that a person, dictator or not, could spend vast quantities of cash to improve their living standard. Any amount above a certain level isn’t going to yield more luxury. It’s going to be spent on influence. It might be used to pay for soldiers or sycophants, but that’s really not an increase in standard of living. It could be viewed as enhancing the standard of living for those sycophants and solders. The more the money is spread out the more it benefits people generally. It doesn’t really benefit anybody if it is hoarded and not spent SOMEWHERE. Where it is spent is determined by who is spending it. Do we allow governments to tax, raise money, and spend it according to the directives of people representing us, or do we allow unelected businessmen to make those decisions? Money is power. enough of the rant.

Rant number two–
What is this shit? Sorry, number two is sometimes used as an excretory euphemism.

Reality shows–
Really? Are ANY of them real? I’ll quote Adam Savage from Mythbusters, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” Right On Adam!

Just the Bear Facts, The guy signing in the corner KILLS me. There is adult content in this song. I find it amusing.

Wild

Que Si At The Bat

One of my favorite Britcoms is Fawlty Towers. It was made quite a while back, but it isn’t dated. It is slapstick though. And like a lot of art it provides a window to the soul. Mostly, that particular program shows how people feel some sympathy for the totally clueless. John Cleese plays Basil Fawlty. If you objectively consider how he acts and how he treats others, he is an awful person. BUT, people LIKE him. I’ve heard speculation that the reason people like him is that he has no control and simply reacts to things. The character of Cybil Fawlty is composed, reasoning, and although reacting is reacting in a more controlled way. Audiences aren’t very sympathetic to her. Andrew Sachs plays Manuel, the bellboy/waiter from Barcelona who understands very little. He is the character audiences like best. It is from a routine between him and a guest with a hearing aid that gave me the title. Kay, see what I mean.

I remember listening to a radio interview program called Fresh Air. I specifically remember the interview with Andrew Sachs. I’ve listened to interviews with John Cleese, but I can’t remember if it was that same program. I think the actors were a little surprised at the sympathy viewers had for Basil. He treats people very badly, yet is a sympathetic character. I wonder if it was that show that inspired John Cleese to do other “Obnoxious” bits like his video “How to Annoy People.”

Cleese is well known to fans of Monty Python as well. Connie Booth plays a major character in Fawlty Towers and was in a number of Monty Python bits. I didn’t realize until much later that she was married to Cleese. Carol Cleveland was in more Monty Python routines, usually in the role of the busty girl. The development of audio and visual media have allowed people to realize just how hot previous generations were. Everybody knows that their parents had sex {I guess nowadays you could be the product of in vitro fertilization}. But do you really think they ENJOYED it? And what about Grandma and Granddad, did they do it too? If you can see them at their prime it’s a little easier to imagine. Imagining it is not a real healthy activity though. If one watches shows that were made quite a while back, it’s still possible to think, WOW, they were HOT! It doesn’t bear considering how old they would be NOW. In my VHS porn collection I had one film from 1918, 2 or 3 from the 20’s, one from the 30’s. Those people are probably all dead now. And didn’t they have dentists in the 20’s? Probably the only equipment was pliers. I recall a Laurel and Hardy film that showed showgirls dancing. By today’s standards they were a little chunky. I prefer women to look like they’ve eaten after puberty. I’ve never been an admirer of the Holocaust look. The tops they were wearing were thin enough to see the dancers nips. They didn’t have the ratings board or much censorship in the early days of film. Some strange trivia is that there was a group complaining about all the swearing in silent films. They were lip readers. Lillian Gish once said that the reason so few stars made the transition from silents to talkies wasn’t because they had weird voices {a few did have weird voices}, but it was because they had to learn lines. In the silents they could go out and party all night and still make a film the next morning. It’s not so easy if you have to study.

Wild