Category Archives: Humor

I laughed, or smiled

Lead A Full Life, Or an Empty One, Just don’t give the Statisticians an Opportunity

Do you believe in amassing reserves for use in troubled times?

Do you believe in utilizing ALL of one’s resources to accomplish a goal?

WHO is correct?

So much of life depends on philosophy. Philosophy and art are probably the two most undervalued majors for college students.

I was a Physics major. I haven’t worked in my field in 33 years. That doesn’t mean I’m not a scientist. It means I am an AMATEUR scientist. And if you check the history books, the amateurs are the ones that did a lot of the discoveries. I suppose I could try to be an evil mad scientist, but I woke up from a nightmare about that a few minutes ago so it’s probably not a good option. I would probably have more nightmares.

As to using resources, in the past week I have spent hundreds filling my freezer due to sales. I don’t intend to ever go hungry. Some don’t worry about those things. Forget ants and grasshoppers!

Nature provides examples.

If you have to, give them the bird.

Wild

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Telephone Tits

You might ask, exactly what are — telephone tits?

I’m glad you asked. It allows me to expound on one of my favorite subjects, historical advertising trivia!

Okay, I have through a gazillion photos looking for the Bell Telephone ad that ran in the early 70’s. It was featured in a mid 70’s edition of Hustler magazine. It was cited in the book “Subliminal Seduction”. And I have been unable to locate it. It showed a woman holding one of the old wooden box phones that had an attached microphone and an earpiece on a cord. It had two bells on the front. Guess where they were on the model. RING those bells, we have a winner!

BTW, my searches also yielded this,
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fs3-ak.buzzfeed.com%2Fstatic%2F2015-01%2F14%2F15%2Ftmp%2Fwebdr10%2F937f35121dc696b11dd94654938f5359-10.png&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailydot.com%2Fvia%2Fsigns-that-craigslist-ad-is-fake%2F&docid=udHSVOZK_hly1M&tbnid=rBzkrmGuU8Z72M%3A&vet=1&w=568&h=251&bih=659&biw=1366&ved=0ahUKEwjD_8vhsa_QAhVp2oMKHbPpD1M4hAcQMwhRKE4wTg&iact=mrc&uact=8

I don’t duck the issues!

Reach out and touch someone!
Touch!
You might be surprised at their response be it a squeak or a giggle.

Wild

is your phone on vibrate?

Johnny Needs a Walker

Brandy is dating Alexander while Jim Beams.

I was going to post a video of an SNL skit with Garrett Morris as Johnny Walker, and other characters as booze related hallucinations. I couldn’t find it.

For shame.

As my breath is heavy with alcohol I will say that the point of pasta is not the sprinkling of Parmesan, but it is the savoring of the sauce. Oh what a sauce! Be it hot and garlicy or a buttery alfredo, it is such a taste sensation. It fills the mouth with pleasure.

Wild

The Immortality Elixir Will Take Forever To Test

Step one is to get rid of any toxins you might have floating around in your body.

What is it?
Is it a vitamin? NO!
Is it a mineral? No!
Is it a protein supplement?

Well, …., maybe.

Life continues because of protein. Some protein mixes with other protein and bingo! more life! Making a protein shake might give the wrist a bit of a workout, but isn’t that flavor worth it? And it’s good cardiovascular exercise too. On that you can bet a buk {sic} okaay.

How do you pacify someone like that? With a little nuki of course.

Ya gotta love those lyrics, “Nuki, Nuki, Nuki, How I love my Nuki! Sweeter than a cookie, I’ll share it if you are my friend.”

Wild

Okaaaayyy, After my head explodes I’ll make a Political Post

http://www.businessinsider.com/hannity-glenn-beck-trump-2016-10

The preview didn’t give details. Good. I’m not sure how many times my head can explode.

I find myself agreeing with Glenn—-whoops there goes my head again.

Okay, okay, Red Dwarf fans bear with me. This is like Kryten contemplating ketchup with lobster.

Mr Spork, I Call You Runcible

It’s flooding here in Iowa. My house is on high ground, but yesterday I was almost an island. It was worse in 2008. There’s been a lot of comparisons in the news. One thing about that though. That flood was in the spring/early summer. We don’t usually get floods in the fall. And 500 year floods shouldn’t be happening 8 years apart.

http://lb.511ia.org/ialb/winterdriving/routeselect.jsf?view=state&text=m&textOnly=false

In 2008 the map at the 511 website had closures all over the state.

What does that have to do with anything? Well, since runcible is a nonsense word it has everything to do with it. I thought of the title first. Finding material to write about it is a little harder. Although I did learn that I was mistaken about a bit of trivia. I saw a commercial where they mentioned the inventiveness of whoever came up with the idea of a spork. The ad made it sound like a relatively recent invention. I had heard the term “Runcible spoon” and falsely assumed it was a much older term describing a spoon fork hybrid. I thought there might have been a person named Runcible. Nope.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runcible

Several years ago there was a car ad that really touted an ignition button on the dash. The ad claimed it was a new innovation. The person designing the ad had apparently never seen a pre-WWII car with an ignition button on the dash. They didn’t run the ad for very long so they must’ve figured it out. Advertising can provide a snapshot of consumer culture. Calgon, Take me away!”

That was hilarious. Hey, it fits in with consumer culture.

Wild

Smellovision, Is That An App?

Ah, the memories. What memories? Scent memories. Is that recall or recognition? It is beautiful. Well, sometimes anyway.

Recall, dredging up the past. Recognition, finding triggers.

Actually scent memories tend to be the latter in my opinion. They can be vivid.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brain-babble/201501/smells-ring-bells-how-smell-triggers-memories-and-emotions

Good or bad you might recognize that smell. Interestingly, to me at least, I recall a particular day. The woman I was dating broke up with me. Later, on my way to work I noticed how her perfume, Lady Stetson, lingered in my vehicle. On my way home I bought and used a bottle of “New Car Scent”. A few months later I bought a bottle of Lady Stetson for my new girlfriend because it still triggered more positive feelings than negative. I didn’t tell her WHY I liked that scent.

Why is such an interesting question. From a toddler it can be so irritating, and after a while you just have to say just because. But you should retain that inquisitiveness privately. Most people have no idea why they do or feel what they do. Introspection is good. Why is good. It prevents or at least limits the frequency and intensity of people yanking your chain just to watch you react. That can be very good in the age of social networking. Spammers, like miners, share miners, love to yank chains with misleading headlines. Usually they use false equivalencies, and ask for a like or a share. Yea, I’m going to say I hate puppies and sunsets by not sharing. Ask yourself before others ask you. Know why you feel that way.

Why DO you feel that way? Could it be pheromones? About 30 years ago I read a study about androgen. Does it attract women? I couldn’t find a reference to that study, but their answer was that it didn’t attract heterosexual women. It repelled heterosexual males. I find that intriguing. Tangentially, there was a Peanuts cartoon where Schroeder is talking to Lucy. Lucy says that she can picture them married. Schroeder replies that he wouldn’t marry her unless she were the last woman on Earth. Lucy asks, “Did you say if or unless?” Schroeder states, “I admit I said unless.” In the last panel Lucy shouts, “Hope!” I think that conversation reflects a more male pattern of thought. Drive away all competition and they will have to select me.

I could be wrong.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15501487

I could’ve searched for the SNL skit, “The Last Straight Man In San Francisco”. It had a similar theme. But I didn’t.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/01/06/farmer-destroys-nazi-cows/21325527/

The Nazis liked selective breeding. I doubt that there was much love involved though. They did like sausages. German sausages and Polish sausages are liked but I doubt they are loved. Metaphorically, I’m sure they are loved.

Well, this post meandered in a direction I didn’t plan, but that’s okay. I noticed something just now that I had missed for a very long time. In the following video when they “Heil!” they flip the bird. Way to go Spike and company!

Wild