Category Archives: Telemachus

Too wimpy to get even without help

Imaginary Friends And Fantasy Lovers

Initially one might think imaginary friends are good. T.S.Eliot and R.L.Stevenson come to mind. However not all authors are immediately recognized by their initials. My favorite humorist was (or is, depending on whether you consider the subject of this sentence to be the individual, ie past tense, or if the subject is “My favorite” ergo present tense. And getting presence/presents can be tense. Just ask paranormal explorers) J.K.J.. I mean Jerome Klapka Jerome. He wrote “Three Men In A Boat.” It was hilarious, and I would never have discovered it had it not been for the arrogance of Robert Graves. I became enamored of Robert Graves after watching the Masterpiece Theatre version of I, Claudius. Then I read the book. It was even better. I became convinced that it was far better to see dramatic performances before reading the book. The book is ALWAYS better. Therefor seeing the performance after the book is a letdown. Reading the book after viewing is a wonderful expansion. I started reading whatever I could find by Robert Graves. Up until I read The Antigua Stamp. I viewed it as a battle between two evils. One was an exceptionally clever evil person, the other was an idiot. My sympathies went to the idiot. “Bless his heart, he just didn’t know any better.” Well, yes he did. He just wasn’t very good at being evil. Mr Graves mocked JKJ in that story. So I read Three Men In A Boat, to say nothing of the dog. It was written in 1889.

You might ask how that all relates to imaginary friends? A great author becomes like a friend you enjoy listening to. If they are dead that means they must be imaginary. That is, unless you are one of those paranormal explorers.

Unless you go to the Dark Side, there you might only IMAGINE that they are friends. They could be plotting your downfall. Or at least your extreme embarrassment. That could be called the “Drama Club”.

Fantasy Lovers. That is very subjective. As in, what is the subject of that sentence. Is that about people who love fantasies, or is it about people who have fantasies about lovers?

Go ahead and regale me with tales of tail.

wild

Could Clytemnestra Contract Chlamydia Chewing Gum?

She would have to be coordinated enough to do more than walk while chewing gum.

Ted must be short for Agamemnon, and Barbara must a nickname for Cassandra.

Clytemnestra being a Greek wouldn’t have liked Trojans.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clytemnestra

Wrigleys wasn’t around back then although chicle was. But that was half a world away. And it was similar to latex. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chewing_gum If that was a problem for her she might be more likely to get chlamydia. And chlamydia is from the GREEK meaning “Cloak” so see what can happen if you don’t wear a raincoat in the shower. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlamydia_infection

And you thought history was boring.
Wild

Satyrical Post; Do Onions Affect Nymph Loads

Probably.

Curiosity has me wondering what kind of responses I would get if I left this as a one word post.

Nymphs are supposed to be female demigods so “Their” loads could refer a load of nymphs {how many nymphs can dance on the head of a penis}. It could refer to the loads inspired by them, either by quantity, or by quantity, or by quality. Quantity could refer to the number of loads donated. Quantity could refer to the number of donors.
Quantity could refer to the size of each donation.
Quantity could even refer to the number of donations per donor.

And then there is quality. Do you REALLY want to go there? Stay hydrated.

Are you SURE you really really want to go there?

Before 1970, yes 1970, ancient history to some, ancient history in terms of modern porn, yesterday to older folks, a second ago in the history of humans with porn, the term “Bukkake” referred to a method of cooking noodles by splashing them with hot water. It was a verb. Perhaps a re-verb if done more than once by musicians. Curious trains of thought derail and ask the question, I wonder if anybody has added cornstarch to loads to make real noodles? Some fake loads were made using egg whites and cornstarch. Raw, of course, actresses often grimaced when holding the mixture in their mouth.

Onion, a pungent tuber know for tricking readers, particularly enjoyed if they trick news people. I used to date a woman that always complained that I ate too many onions before a date. I would try brushing and mouthwash right before the date, but then I think she knew BECAUSE of the mouthwash. Years later, my wife would hate when I would pick a chive growing in the yard and eat it before kissing.

Wild

Another Link In The Chain

I could go in sooo many different directions with that one. It could be like “Another Brick in the Wall” only darker, {Black Floyd?}. It could be whips and chains kinky. Or I could be cleaning a rifle thinking how nice it is to be at the top of the food chain.

I haven’t been hunting in almost 20 years. I prefer not to do much killing. If I can get meat in a store I really don’t feel a need to kill it myself.

But is that really better? It’s more sanitized for me, but factory farms aren’t particularly nice for the animals. Is it better from their standpoint to run around free until they happen to cross paths with a predator? Is being shot a more pleasant death than being eaten alive? Anybody who has watched a cat play with a small animal has to wonder. And what about injury and disease or starving to death? Kobe beef cattle live a pampered life I’ve heard. Drinking beer and getting massaged by Japanese people doesn’t sound so bad. Here in the States the animals raised as 4H projects are probably the best treated non-pets. They aren’t free to do what they want, but they are pretty comfortable. Pets have a relatively pleasant life usually. Certainly I would consider it more pleasant than NOT being a pet.

So how do we view that freedom as a human? You want the state to take care of you? If you’re born rich it’s unlikely your parents are going to let you starve or be eaten by predators. What’s that? We’re at the top of the food chain you say. Really? There might be some predators that haven’t heard that. But very few people get eaten in cities, at least in a non-sexual way. But some aspects of life in the herd or hood require a degree of cooperation. Free medical care, why would I want to pay for that? The same reason public health departments were created. You’re part of a herd not an individual on an island. An alpha individual might lead a herd for a while, but that never lasts. Sooner or later the alpha changes, and individuals on the way out don’t usually fare as well as the rest of the herd. In a perfect world you don’t have jealousy. In an imperfect one you have robbery, swindling, and exploitation because someone isn’t happy with what they have. You might share. They might not.

But let’s get back to that food chain business. The bird eats the ants. The bird dies. The ants eat the bird.

The herbivore eats the plants. The carnivore eats the herbivore {in a totally non-sexual way of course}. The carnivore dies and rots. The plants absorb the carnivore.

The sun runs low on hydrogen and goes into a red giant phases. The surface expands beyond the orbit of Earth.

Maybe I should go fishing instead?

Wild

Cetaceans Vs Crustaceans, Prawn Wars for the Krill of it

Not much of a war really, the cetaceans have a whale of a time, and the krill are tiny. A really big one would be…., oh, a Jumbo Shrimp. That’s an oxymoron. I can’t help wondering if idiots aflame would have the same impact. When the lightbulb breaks the filament oxidizes rapidly and the ideas fade to darkness.

It is better to light a single candle than curse the darkness. The final panel of that Peanuts strip was black with Lucy saying, “Stupid Darkness.” Thank You Mr Schultz.

In times of doubt and uncertainty, one should reflect on the absolutes of life.

I refer to death and taxes
Wild

A Trivial Incivility

Okay, what’s the deal with the 22 cal rimfire cartridges? I have a feeling some of you would tell me it’s a conspiracy. The government is buying up all the ammo. Yeah I’ve heard that before. REALLY? How much ammo can the big companies produce? Ya think the Guvmint is gonna buy it all? I can find plenty of centerfire ammo. The government isn’t buying all of that. Maybe it’s a conspiracy to get people to buy bigger guns. I’m not real big on conspiracy theories. It’s kind of like conspiracies to commit grand crimes. Someone always talks. That’s why grand conspiracies don’t work. But you never know they might be willing to sell you a map to buried pirate treasure. One-Eyed Willie sailed away at the end of Goonies.

Last time I checked you could buy a black powder replica kit without filling out any paperwork. It’s not a firearm until you assemble it. Some people might scoff at a revolver or a pepperbox. You only get one shot with that muzzle loader. Well yeah maybe you only NEED one shot. They worked pretty well in the Civil War. I would consider it incivility to shoot at someone, even with a muzzle loader. Maybe a cordial war would be nicer. Cordials are alcoholic beverages, even if they did shoot they would be less likely to hit their target after a few cordials.

Belle Boyd was not a Hooker. Hookers were the ladies following Gen. Fightin’ Joe Hooker. I had heard of hookers before. Actually Jay Leno used to do a segment with 911 calls. This obviously drunk guy calls 911 and says there are people playing horseshoes in his back yard and they won’t leave. The dispatcher asks him if he knows who they are. “Yes, they’re Hookers.” The dispatcher says she’ll send someone over. A little later the cop calls dispatch. “The guy with people playing horseshoes in his back yard, their last name is Hooker.” Belle Boyd was a Confederate spy. I had heard that she would seduce Union Officers and then get information from them and relay it south. She was captured, jailed, traded for other prisoners, captured again, then released. Now I may have been listening to a conspiracy nut, but I did hear that she spied for the Union to get her freedom the second time. I might be wholly wrong in that. Wiki says I’m wrong. In any case…

I’m not gonna worry about it.

When this song came out in the 80’s they played it TO DEATH. I didn’t think I would ever want to hear it again.

Wild

Contempt Of Court And Other Dating Hazards

“Froggy went a courtin’ He did ride uh-huh.” Woo Coo, I mean ribbet. Language changes in the strangest ways. Sometimes it’s even weirder when it stays the same.

If you don’t like tennis is it contempt of court?

If you date someone for rational reasons does that mean you’re using carbon-14 to find out how old they are?

Why is Sue on the courts so much?

If you take a deposition from someone do you depose them? This one was actually in the local paper. It really bugged me when the reporter said they deposed some witness. Really? When did he take power?

When chemists form a labor organization and reduce free electrons how do they pronounce Unionize?

How do Bill collectors get money from people not named William?

My day is off to a roaring start, so sayeth Leo

Wild