Tag Archives: puns

Johnny Needs a Walker

Brandy is dating Alexander while Jim Beams.

I was going to post a video of an SNL skit with Garrett Morris as Johnny Walker, and other characters as booze related hallucinations. I couldn’t find it.

For shame.

As my breath is heavy with alcohol I will say that the point of pasta is not the sprinkling of Parmesan, but it is the savoring of the sauce. Oh what a sauce! Be it hot and garlicy or a buttery alfredo, it is such a taste sensation. It fills the mouth with pleasure.

Wild

The Calamari, er, Dr Caligari is in the Cabinet

I watched “The Cabinet Of Dr Caligari” the other night. It was a bit different.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0010323/?ref_=nv_sr_1

One thing that really stood out for me was that all the chairs in the movie looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable EXCEPT for the chairs in the insane asylum. They were relatively normal looking and looked quite comfortable.

I don’t know what that means, but it must mean something.

The rest of the sets were quite surreal. I think they were making a statement about a dark and dreary existence with trapezoidal doors and painted scenery. It may have been a rhombus way around a point.

Or if you want to rewind that, https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_2053483537&feature=iv&src_vid=hnzHtm1jhL4&v=L47GQG12WHg

I haven’t had Calamari in quite a long time, but there is one restaurant here that I know serves it. But I lied. I don’t have any in the cabinet. I do have tuna though. It works for the See-food diet. I see food then I eat it.

Wild

Good Gnus, Bad Gnus, Oh Bull!

Does a Lapp dance bring Rain Dear?

The Mount ain’t lying about them cougars. They is lookin’ for a Postal Boy Toy called E-male. They found ‘im in the Bull-E Pull-Pit. It was a virtual man-hole.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/01/06/farmer-destroys-nazi-cows/21325527/

Wild The Beest

Val, In Tines, Could Be Hairy, Could be Harry

Could be a theme for a horror movie.

Could be a theme for a whorer movie.

A hirsute pursuit for hair pie leads to a forking. Bird nest soup would need a spoon. Hair pi is irrational and would require squaring the circle jerk to make bukakke noodles.

Notice the redirect, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trout_Mask_Replica
That would be “Bake 1”.
This link isn’t showing that it was a redirect from “Hair Pie – Bake 1”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edible_bird’s_nest

The irrational need disambiguation. Cold Udon might not be what you’re looking for.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udon#Cold

Hopefully the tines didn’t go too deep and Val had a good day.

And what about Harry?

The Trouble With Harry is a movie with Shirley MacLaine.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048750/?ref_=nv_sr_1


Wild

Imaginary Friends And Fantasy Lovers

Initially one might think imaginary friends are good. T.S.Eliot and R.L.Stevenson come to mind. However not all authors are immediately recognized by their initials. My favorite humorist was (or is, depending on whether you consider the subject of this sentence to be the individual, ie past tense, or if the subject is “My favorite” ergo present tense. And getting presence/presents can be tense. Just ask paranormal explorers) J.K.J.. I mean Jerome Klapka Jerome. He wrote “Three Men In A Boat.” It was hilarious, and I would never have discovered it had it not been for the arrogance of Robert Graves. I became enamored of Robert Graves after watching the Masterpiece Theatre version of I, Claudius. Then I read the book. It was even better. I became convinced that it was far better to see dramatic performances before reading the book. The book is ALWAYS better. Therefor seeing the performance after the book is a letdown. Reading the book after viewing is a wonderful expansion. I started reading whatever I could find by Robert Graves. Up until I read The Antigua Stamp. I viewed it as a battle between two evils. One was an exceptionally clever evil person, the other was an idiot. My sympathies went to the idiot. “Bless his heart, he just didn’t know any better.” Well, yes he did. He just wasn’t very good at being evil. Mr Graves mocked JKJ in that story. So I read Three Men In A Boat, to say nothing of the dog. It was written in 1889.

You might ask how that all relates to imaginary friends? A great author becomes like a friend you enjoy listening to. If they are dead that means they must be imaginary. That is, unless you are one of those paranormal explorers.

Unless you go to the Dark Side, there you might only IMAGINE that they are friends. They could be plotting your downfall. Or at least your extreme embarrassment. That could be called the “Drama Club”.

Fantasy Lovers. That is very subjective. As in, what is the subject of that sentence. Is that about people who love fantasies, or is it about people who have fantasies about lovers?

Go ahead and regale me with tales of tail.

wild

I Attempted to Make a Bung Wrench. I Failed

Bung wrenches open bung holes. They are not medical devices. That is not speculation. That would just be speculums.

Ba-bum! drumbeat there

Opening drums is done by removing the bung from the bung hole. That is not always easy without a bung wrench. Now I wasn’t opening any drums the other day, but I was working on a Major Fawcett problem. My kitchen faucet was dripping and I decided to fix it. I’ll quote what I posted on Facebook.

Worked on a project today. My kitchen faucet has been dripping for awhile. If it’s not much it isn’t a big deal in Iowa. It just makes it that much less likely your pipes will freeze. The drip rate recently got worse and I decided to replace it. *I* had installed the current faucet myself 20 years and 6 weeks ago. Yes I know that. I’m kind of anal about record keeping. I looked at it. I went to Blains and bought a new one. Looking at it I remembered thinking that it would be a good idea to spend a little more and get a more solidly made one with more brass and less plastic. Today my thought was, the major part of this project will be getting the old faucet out. After that I should be able to install, clean it up and leak check in about a half an hour. I was absolutely right. The first three hours consisted of laying on my back in a mixture of windex, Mr Clean, floor soap, interspersed with holding tools in contorted positions with water, rust, lime scale, and tools falling on my head. The last half hour was installing and cleaning. The extra money I had spent on brass had ended up going for corrosion instead. That was one tough faucet to get out. I really don’t plan on living long enough to have to do it again. By then it would kill me if I wasn’t already dead.

So, what does that have to do with bung wrenches? The locking nuts on the bottom of the faucet had a shape that reminded me of bungs I had removed from barrels of other stuff. I don’t own my own bung wrench. I tried to cobble something that looked like a bung wrench. It did look right. But it was not strong enough.

I finished the job without having to fix any new leaks, no leaks runs or errors!

The next day my arms were sore any time I put my arms up over me. So I didn’t keep doing that. Some people put their arms up quite a lot. Some people are into BD/SM too. Not me though, it’s just not my thing. I have read about it and talked to a few people that were into it. I am into reading and talking. In the mid 70’s Club magazine had so-so pictorials but really weird articles. It provided a drastic stark difference between the people that said “I read it for the articles” and the people who ACTUALLY did read it for the articles. It was amusing to ask the former group if they had read Karl Steiner’s column. It didn’t matter which answer they gave I would ask them, “Well what’s his column about in that issue?” I almost always enjoyed that gag.

Karl Steiner is a very common name. I had trouble finding any references to quote. The following sites include the table of contents for various issues. Beyond that I don’t know much about them. On some pictures you can also read the cover headlines.

http://www.myerscollectibles.com/store/item/1d0vp/Mens_Magazines/Club_Magazine_Vol_1_1_February_1975.html

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197603.htm

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197606.htm

Wild