Monthly Archives: January 2013

Kozo, Just because

The hippo’s name is Kozo apparently. For some reason I find the Gummi Bear vids funny. They tickle me. First it was Nuki, Nuki, Nuki. Which made me think of nookie nookie nookie, like I don’t think about that often enough anyway. Then I learned that Nuki is from Nuk which is a brand of pacifier. Hm, pacifier leads to thoughts of babies, which leads to thoughts of nursing, which leads to thoughts of nipples, which leads to thoughts of Nookie Nookie Nookie. There are numerous soundtracks for Kozo to dance to, “Can’t Touch This.” comes to mind. That is “Phat”. I’m fat enough that I hope I don’t look like Kozo dancing.


Lesdyksia, Bandb, and “What?!? Another Parent Teacher Conference

I’m a crossword and comics enthusiast. I like the New York Times crossword, occasionally I’ll do the USA Today puzzle. I don’t like rebus puzzles. My spelling is what usually trips me up on the more difficult puzzles. And you learn all sorts of new words that you will never use outside of a puzzle, adit, snee, epee, ewer, aglet come readily to mind. It took me awhile to figure out another common phenom of puzzles, Bandb, Randr, and Atoz. A coworker also used to be a crossword enthusiast and those three tripped him up too. We started referring to them as Aayy Ta Zz. A to Z, B and B, R and R. Lesdyksia? How else would someone spell Dyslexia? My mom has shared stories of what I was like when I first started going to school. I remember having trouble distinguishing left and right. I didn’t remember that I carried that confusion over to writing. I didn’t reverse characters like the toy store does, but I would sometimes write left to right, sometimes right to left, and for a while I really gave the teacher fits because I would start in the upper left and when I reached the right margin I would drop down a line and write the next line right to left until I reached the left margin, drop down and go left to right again. It must’ve been an efficiency thing, why waste time going back to the left margin every time? One of my favorite strips is Calvin and Hobbes. Sometimes you feel empathy with Calvin, sometimes you pity his parents. Calvin raises his hand, the teacher calls on him, next panel, Calvin says, “Shouldn’t the penalty for murder be reduced in cases of cannibalism since it’s less wasteful?” Final panel shows Calvin at home giving his mother a note from the teacher, she says, “What?!? Another parent teacher conference?”

My spellcheck has been kind of glitchy lately so I’ve taken to leaving a Yahoo window open on the taskbar. I can type something close in the search bar and it will prompt me with possible searches. It works pretty well when I don’t want to use the spellcheck. But when I click on one of those possible searches I use Open in a new tab. While writing this I looked up how to spell dyslexia. I didn’t right click it, I left clicked it and I didn’t have a draft saved from this post. I saw it start loading and I really quickly clicked save draft. I got it! I didn’t have to retype the whole thing. Such is the Life Of Wild, recklessly clicking with wild abandon. A few weeks ago one of my female coworkers was getting ready to punch out to go home. One of my duties is to lock the gates. I usually wait for people to leave before I do that. There’s always one gate open, but closing the others forces traffic to go out the one way. Without giving it any thought I asked her, “Do you prefer the front way or the back way?” She got this really strange expression on her face and said, “I beg your pardon?” I really hadn’t given my choice of words any thought, but her expression didn’t leave any doubt that we were on different channels. I said, “I’m closing the gates, which way do you go out of the parking lot?” She laughed then so no offense taken. Gee, I wonder what she was thinking? She preferred the back way 😉 And then you really have to be careful about lesdyksia.

Hm, I did have to put the tags back in.


Fair Warning, Shit Happens, and It’s better to give than to recieve

Just when you think you’ve seen it all. I have no visual aids for this topic {You’re Welcome}. The first one is a medical article {what Doctor did this research? Karl Steiner is the only one I could think of for this topic. But I won’t talk about him, that would be a blistering blog. The other is a Darwin Awards honorable mention. I thought of that after I saw a Facebook post about nail guns.

First Up –

Hopefully that will take you to the correct link. Darwin Award time –

This one I’ll QUOTE

1991 At-Risk Survivor
Confirmed True by Darwin
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he “needed a doctor who took care of men’s troubles.” The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn’t leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania. © 1994 – 2012
Dedicated Worker, he didn’t even go home sick. And he definitely has some cajones, he put them there.

Unfinished Business

I woke up from a nightmare about ten minutes ago. It’s fading fast, but I like to remember dreams and nightmares in particular.

Sounds odd doesn’t it. I want to remember my nightmares. Any body that knows me knows that pretty much everything about me is odd. My sister B figured prominently in the nightmare. She died in 02, but she has been talked about lately. I have four sisters and one brother. The girls are all named Ann except for B. She died two weeks before her 50th birthday. Ann1 and Ann2 really don’t get along. Ann3 is usually how they get news to one another. In my dream I was arguing with B, and the things we were arguing about happened after she died. Specifically, we were arguing about Anns 1&2. Both have had cancer in the past, Ann1 now has a stage 4 cancer and we {or at least I, which sounds odd but I think is grammatically correct} don’t know how long she has left.

This is the first time since she died that I have had an argument with her. I have had two with my dad, he died in 90. I haven’t argued with Ma since she’s been gone, but I have had one I told you so, one what were you thinking, and one LOL moment.

On Friday night I usually watch “Dead Files” and “Ghost Adventures” when I get home from work. On Saturdays I watch more “Ghost Adventures”. I’ve heard that hauntings are caused by people with unfinished business, or unresolved issues. I would think that that would include all murder victims and most accidental deaths. {and Fermat and Schubert, and to quote Fermat “There isn’t room here to show the proof”}. I don’t think the TV triggered the dream. Between work and family I’ve gotten way behind on the blogs I read. I am unfinished in catching up. I wouldn’t want to be a cyber ghost though. There are a few {less than 10} people I wouldn’t mind being a poltergeist to though.

The details of the dream are gone now, except for what I wrote down. The feeling lingers. So much of life is not the facts, it’s the ephemeral. Sorry Joe, it’s not “Just the facts ma’am”.

The LOL moment is worth sharing. When B was alive she asked Ma if she could store a half a dozen boxes at Ma’s house. Ma said okay. She never came back and got them. After B died Ma had me bring them downstairs so she could go through them. They turned out to be full of empty plastic containers, cottage cheese, margarine, etc. Ma’s reaction was, “What was she thinking. This is all just garbage.” When Ma passed away eight years later, my sibs were looking through her cupboards and found stacks and stacks of empty plastic containers {enough to fill 5 or 6 lawn and leaf garbage bags}, to which they said “What was she thinking. This is all just garbage.” And yes, those are both direct exact quotes. The punch line is that I too have cupboards full of empty plastic containers. In my defense I would point out that the containers from the Chinese delivery food actually have “Dishwasher safe” molded into them. And I use them to take leftovers to work and I can pitch them there.

Crab Rangoon, Peking Duck, … Burma Shave. Burma is now called Myanmar, it’s capital was Rangoon but now is Yangon. Peking China is now Beijing. Sometimes I feel ancient, but the BurmaShave signs I saw were replicas of the originals.

Back to bed, hopefully to pleasant dreams this time. I could dream about catching a Fever 😉

Celluloid Cellulite Cell-U-Heavy {?!?} Defenestration

This is one of those posts that has been meandering through my brain until I take the time to post.

Celluloid beauties, Elizabeth Sladen {I think that’s how you spell it, Sarah Jane Smith for the character name}, Barbara Stanwyck, Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield, and many more; all were very attractive women. And they didn’t work for a dentist, topical aside, you mean you can’t resist temptation, and you don’t even know if she would have been willing but you fired her anyway. Back to the point, can you be attracted to someone as they were decades ago on film or television? I find them attractive, even hot. But that isn’t how they are now. So if you thought so and so was really really hot 60 years ago, would you want to hook up with them the way they are now? Lindsey Lohan made at least one film when she was quite young, now she’s hot. That’s kind of weird. I don’t have a problem thinking someone old was hot, and even if they were interested in me I wouldn’t have a taboo feeling about it, although their age would be a barrier that I would have a tough time getting over, if that age difference was large. But when I see a hot woman that I knew, or saw on films when she was young, I would feel weird. LiLo is a good example of that. She’s hot, but I still see the kid. A number of years ago one of my close friends told me that his daughter was working as a stripper. At the time she was 22 or 23. I don’t have a problem with strippers. I’ve even watched a few. But I asked him what club{s} she was working. So that I could make sure I didn’t go there. I had known her since she was 8 or 9. Accidentally running into her would’ve made me very uncomfortable, and I’m sure it would her too. Anyway, am I a sick fuck to fantasize about former porn stars and other actresses as they were then? Hef got married again. She is 60 years younger than him. Seems kinda gross to me, but sex with anybody that old sounds kinda gross. If I live that long I’m sure I’ll be gross too, and maybe by then I’ll stop getting involved with women older than me. That covers celluloid and cellulite. When the body stores fat it starts out just making each individual cell bigger. At some point the cell can’t hold any more, and the body makes more cells. At that point it becomes very difficult to lose weight because the body won’t start losing fat cells until all the cells have lost the extra fat they were holding. That will cause them to signal the hunger hormones to kick in because you will feel like you are starving.

Defenestration, not some weird fetish unless you get a sexual thrill throwing people out windows. I first heard the word in junior high school in the Arthur C Clark book “Tales From the White Heart.”