Tag Archives: fitting in

Doing Laps, Vanity and The Blob

Went to the doctor yesterday. I’m still alive.

The Irish Rovers used to always end the show with one of two sayings. “May you be be half an hour in Heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.” And “May you live as long as you want to and may you want to as long as you live.”

The doctor gave me the usual talk about losing weight, but he did pick up on something without me saying it directly. He told me that my weight would significantly shorten my life. Then he said that doesn’t mean I’ll die a quick death from a heart attack. He told me that when his elderly patients say they’re ready to go he reminds them they could have debilitating incidents that don’t kill them, like strokes. If dying doesn’t scare me he will tell me about other possibilities. I have been exercising more. My A1C has been below 6 for 2 years now. I never did have to take diabetic meds. I can stop doing the test strips now though. How would the obituary read? Last words were, “I said I’m not sick!” Rather vain to think about what others might say. Could play this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6UAYGxiRwU

She did confirm who the song was about. http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/gossip/la-et-mg-carly-simon-youre-so-vain-about-warren-beatty-partially-20151118-story.html

There is a meme circulating on Facebook about not needing to know what others think of you. This is very true. Most people are not thinking about you very often and when they do it might not be flattering. A coworker once shared a story about a doctor he was friends with. The Dr was born in the US to Japanese parents. They spoke Japanese in the house so he was very fluent. Having went to school to be a doctor, he was quite intelligent. He decided to visit Japan. Upon his return he told my coworker that he would never go back. Despite being very fluent, he had never learned to READ Japanese. He had to ask about train schedules and routes. People would treat him like an idiot. The sign is right there, can’t you read? they would say.

Sometimes you’re better off not knowing what people think of you.

Wild

What do you lose when you stand up? Your lap.
Making laps would be sitting then.

I saw a remake of the Blob on Crackle earlier. I prefer the old version. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094761/

And I like this song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK5jyVCdXwc

had to clear up stuff from the title.

Fighting Fire With Fire, or at least a really big hose

Sometimes I get a little tired of people grandstanding on supposedly moral issues. So I’ll do the grandstanding myself.

What bathroom should you use?

Well what are you going to do in there?

When someone complains about transgender folks using the wrong bathroom they always use the example of a anatomically male person using the ladies room. Fine. We can designate ALL restrooms as men’s rooms and the only issue will be females using the wrong restroom.

Why do the most vocal critics always use the example of a male in the ladies room? That’s rather sexist and paternalistic if you ask me. I think it is based in the opinion that gender ambiguity isn’t real. They seem to doubt that one can have a set of genitals that are different from one’s gender identity. Therefore people who want to use the “Wrong” restroom just want to perv in there.

I disagree.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/118/2/753?sso=1&sso_redirect_count=1&nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

Sometimes a babies’ gender is not apparent. The parents or the doctors decide what to make it. Sometimes they are wrong. This person thinks mistakes get made.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgan_Holmes

Now, if you have a child with a definite gender and that gender is different from your own, where do you take the kid to potty when you’re not home?

Just increase the number of single occupancy restrooms. Make better, bigger partitions if that’s the only way. Just don’t assume anybody different from you must be evil.

Wild

Broad Vistas

I have many peculiarities. Time is one of them. Hot babes, who qualifies? Subjective evaluations follow. Is that an evaluation of physical appearance? Is it an evaluation of… …. BODY TEMPERATURE.

I desire a cool environment. AC is a must. Unless you have a pool. That would be acceptable. A kiddie pool is useful.

If all else fails a horse trough will suffice, but cow drool is truly disgusting.

Agnes Morehead, Francis Bavier, Angela Lansbury, were absolutely totally hot in their day.

That day continues to exist in the time continuum. Raquel Welch is an exception. Some are timelessly sexy like Raquel and Sophia Loren. Mae West was sexy right up to her death. In Heaven I might come up and see her sometime.

The passion of flesh for flesh out weighs the passion of intellect for intellect. Base desires sometimes rule, but they might look for justification.

It would seem that I am unfortunate in desiring females that are not coincident with my timeline. It’s a curse. Even into the future.

I Attempted to Make a Bung Wrench. I Failed

Bung wrenches open bung holes. They are not medical devices. That is not speculation. That would just be speculums.

Ba-bum! drumbeat there

Opening drums is done by removing the bung from the bung hole. That is not always easy without a bung wrench. Now I wasn’t opening any drums the other day, but I was working on a Major Fawcett problem. My kitchen faucet was dripping and I decided to fix it. I’ll quote what I posted on Facebook.

Worked on a project today. My kitchen faucet has been dripping for awhile. If it’s not much it isn’t a big deal in Iowa. It just makes it that much less likely your pipes will freeze. The drip rate recently got worse and I decided to replace it. *I* had installed the current faucet myself 20 years and 6 weeks ago. Yes I know that. I’m kind of anal about record keeping. I looked at it. I went to Blains and bought a new one. Looking at it I remembered thinking that it would be a good idea to spend a little more and get a more solidly made one with more brass and less plastic. Today my thought was, the major part of this project will be getting the old faucet out. After that I should be able to install, clean it up and leak check in about a half an hour. I was absolutely right. The first three hours consisted of laying on my back in a mixture of windex, Mr Clean, floor soap, interspersed with holding tools in contorted positions with water, rust, lime scale, and tools falling on my head. The last half hour was installing and cleaning. The extra money I had spent on brass had ended up going for corrosion instead. That was one tough faucet to get out. I really don’t plan on living long enough to have to do it again. By then it would kill me if I wasn’t already dead.

So, what does that have to do with bung wrenches? The locking nuts on the bottom of the faucet had a shape that reminded me of bungs I had removed from barrels of other stuff. I don’t own my own bung wrench. I tried to cobble something that looked like a bung wrench. It did look right. But it was not strong enough.

I finished the job without having to fix any new leaks, no leaks runs or errors!

The next day my arms were sore any time I put my arms up over me. So I didn’t keep doing that. Some people put their arms up quite a lot. Some people are into BD/SM too. Not me though, it’s just not my thing. I have read about it and talked to a few people that were into it. I am into reading and talking. In the mid 70’s Club magazine had so-so pictorials but really weird articles. It provided a drastic stark difference between the people that said “I read it for the articles” and the people who ACTUALLY did read it for the articles. It was amusing to ask the former group if they had read Karl Steiner’s column. It didn’t matter which answer they gave I would ask them, “Well what’s his column about in that issue?” I almost always enjoyed that gag.

Karl Steiner is a very common name. I had trouble finding any references to quote. The following sites include the table of contents for various issues. Beyond that I don’t know much about them. On some pictures you can also read the cover headlines.

http://www.myerscollectibles.com/store/item/1d0vp/Mens_Magazines/Club_Magazine_Vol_1_1_February_1975.html

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197603.htm

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197606.htm

Wild

Paraphilia, Feel Ya Pair

As word play I realize that’s reaching. Inappropriate reaching is a paraphilia. I’m sure of it.

I’m a guy. Guy’s think about sex almost constantly. Today a coworker walked by and I thought, her tits didn’t used to be that big. I’ve known her 27 years. We’ve never worked the same shift, and I don’t know her real well. Like I said, I’m a guy. I’m going to notice the bounce. So then I wonder, are they real? In addition to being horny and aged, I can be philosophical. What IS real? Is a dildo or vibrator real? What about a cockring? Lingerie? Jewelry? If your nipples are pierced does that make them non-real? I once heard a psychiatrist on a telecourse that there were only so many orifices and protuberances on the body and nothing was as kinky as it’s practitioners thought. That’s not true anymore. People get body modification surgery and create new ones.

So what is really real. Probably whatever floats your boat. Adornment is intended to make you feel sexy. If you feel sexy others will probably find you sexy as well. If they don’t that’s their problem. If the adornment needs to be extreme, well, you might have issues. Some issues are collectables. The lady in question had breast cancer a number of years ago so maybe maybe she had some augmentation to feel better. That’s her business. If so, I hope it worked for her. I’ll appreciate the bounce for the same reason climbers go up Everest, because it’s there.

I could stop here. But wouldn’t it be fun to keep going?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

Quite the list there. Wow. All the bases are covered right?

Maybe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_technical_terms_for_nonparaphilic_sexual_interests

Okay okay, maybe not.

I almost titled this “Money and Sex” I would have went here first.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovemap

Sometimes I can’t help but get pervy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perversion

What a way to end
Wild

Two Score Years Ago I Was Too Sore To Soar Too.

Okay, maybe not quite forty years ago. Big Science came out in 82. But wouldn’t you be sore?

You would expect me to keep a record of the time? Going down on the Captain might lead to other things.

Well I said they were too sore. Too means excessive. Excessive oral sex leads to sensitivity and Beaver Breath.

Too can also mean also. Too!

And two can mean 2. The number two that is. I’m not talking about scat here. Herr stranger I don’t want to hear about scat. What about the score? What, beaver breath isn’t good enough you want to score too? Or were you talking about the musical score? Laurie had an interesting technique on another song from that album.

It’s interesting for me to watch this video now. I bought the vinyl on the recommendation of a friend not long after it came out. I bought the CD after I bought a CD player in 88. I saw this video for the first time just recently. I didn’t realize she signed on it until then. Learn something new all the time. But you would think Superman would have a cape? Where’s the cape?

Okay, this probably does go back forty years, but I just saw it recently. Superheros don’t {necessarily} wear dresses.

http://itwasneveradress.com/

I saw a personalized license plate at the gas station one day. It said PYTHAGORAS. I said to the guy getting gas, “You must be either a musician or a mathematician.” He replied, “So must you.” He was a musician. I told him to bake sugar cookies into regular polygons and have the kids use frosting to stack them into dodecahedra. You start with stars and chop off Isosceles triangles. That will leave you with pentagons and unhappy children. They might cheer up when they see how much frosting/chocolate is needed to stick the sides together. Then you tell them that Euclid’s Elements is actually a dessert cookbook.

You do realize that you can’t believe EVERYTHING you read on-line.

Wild

Pet Peeve, Pernicious Political Posts Pertaining to Pecuniary Policies

And so it begins. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGWaP7Q5vCI

Raid
Kills Bugs
Dead
That is how one of my high school English teachers described haiku. I learned a lot from him.

There is Neanderthal DNA in modern humans. There must’ve been some interbreeding. Was it consensual? I have some doubts about how attractive the two groups would have found one another. Even in the absence of alcohol extreme horniness will make people less choosey. There is no accounting for taste either. But the interbreeding could certainly have been the result of a raid. It really bothers people when you raid their settlement. I’m confident they would want to kill what bugs them.

Neanderthals are all dead.

That song was never intended to be released. It was a studio piece to set recording levels. It’s about as basic as a song can get. But it was popular.

I don’t know if Neanderthals paid taxes. The oldest writings were basically tax records.

It’s too late to amend them.

Did they get their money’s worth?

No

As soon as money was invented so was the concept of scamming. You can hoard money. You can hoard non-perishable items. You can hoard perishables for a while. As soon as you do, someone will try to take them.

Somethings just don’t change. And therein lies philosophy, and concepts of government, ownership, theft, punishment, deterrence, justice, and retribution. And there is the battle between emotions, logic, and your objective. A lot of people really don’t like devoting much time to analyzing their feelings. The gut can be quite convincing even when it is wrong. If you own a store and you lose $100 a week to shoplifters it doesn’t make sense to spend $100 a day for security. The gut burns with anger at the situation. That’s understandable. Understanding doesn’t alter the rules of mathematics. A person can’t control everything that happens to them. They can try to control how they react to it. The only reason you need a key for your car is because someone might steal it if you didn’t. Someone pulls up to a convenience store and leaves the car running because they’re only going to be there a minute. Someone else steals their car. Do you blame them for leaving it running or do you blame the thief for taking it?

You catch the thief. What is your goal? Do you try to make them feel bad for what they did? Do you try to make them unable to do it again? Do you make them pay {monetarily} for the inconvenience and damage they did? Manipulating the emotions of the thief, making them regret their actions, is a task that depends more on them than on what you do. Forcing an emotional state is not easy. You can inflect pain and suffering commensurate to the damage they did, but that might only trigger feelings of being a victim on their part. They blame the one punishing them. They don’t blame themselves for their circumstance. It’s much more productive to set a goal based on your own actions, not on the emotional state of others.

How much do you care what they think? You do care. That is part of the social contract. It’s not necessary that they like you. It is necessary for them to follow the rules whether it’s because they don’t want to hurt others or because they are afraid of the punishment. Actions occur because of thoughts. You are concerned about their actions therefore you are concerned about their thoughts.

How easy is it to get mad at those that don’t seem to live by the rules. Do you want to punish the welfare cheats that use their benefits to get drugs? Do the healthy people parking in fire lanes or handicap spaces irritate you? Do you dislike the idea of prisoners getting free food and medical not too mention cable TV? On the other side of the spectrum, does it bother you how much CEOs make? Does it piss you off when you hear about off shore banking to avoid taxes? Do you feel like there’s a world wide group of multinational corporations that are basically a one world government?

How many human ills lead back to envy and greed{especially if that greed includes protecting ones possessions}? When you die, how much of it do you take with you? At what point do you admit your own mistakes? Would you consider spending $100 a day to prevent $100 a week in thefts a mistake? If you lose a buck in a vending machine are you justified in taking all the ketchup packets to make up for it? I would call that tit for tat. Actually I just like thinking about tits with tattoos. I might be in my 50’s but I can still be juvenile.

Wild

Succotash and Hash, A Love Story

Succotash, lima beans and corn, does anybody actually LIKE lima beans? After my mom died I found some very unusual frozen dinners. These were factory made and not simply some weird concoction she made. I might add weirdness runs in families and it has caught up to some of us. Lima Beans, rutabagas, and meatloaf were in some. Others had kohlrabi, corn, and chicken. I knew what those veggies were. How many people would know what those are? There was no obvious brand name, but they had that thin plastic seal with a freshness date. I don’t like succotash. I don’t like Lima beans. I’ll eat any food. Those are just quite bland, and I prefer foods that have some sort of flavor. Tofu can be quite bland but not if you add it to very spicy stuff.

Hash. Unless you are talking about psychoactive foods hash falls into the category of olio. Irish stew, shepherd’s pie, chop suey, and hash were ways of dealing with leftovers. Beef Stroganoff was leftover onion soup with beef, sour cream, and thickener. Hash was fried leftover meat and potatoes, good stuff.

Suck O’tash could be a display of affection for someone with facial hair. Perhaps they were giving mustache rides and wanted to share the flavor. They might indicate this through a “Hash” tag.

Stay with me, this gets complicated.

I’m a big fan of GregandLou.com. Some of their early work included a set of videos about “MILF Solicitors”. Hilarious, loved it. In the first one, Jax is wearing a t-shirt offering mustache rides. Just remember that, I’ll get back to that point. Maybe not, I’ll just put the vid here.

They’ve made a Christmas vid most years. I don’t remember them doing “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Why would I mention what they didn’t do? I’ll get back to that also. But, in the meantime I will tell you just how weird I was as a child. Whenever they got to the line, “I threw up the sash”, my child’s mind didn’t consider window construction. To me “Threw up the sash” seemed like it would mean vomiting some hybrid succotash/hash recipe. In my mind I said “Good, it sounds terrible! It should be thrown up!”

They also made a kind of strange artsy film. At first it really didn’t sink in what they were doing. Then it did.

Now you can forget everything I’ve told you.

wild

Another Link In The Chain

I could go in sooo many different directions with that one. It could be like “Another Brick in the Wall” only darker, {Black Floyd?}. It could be whips and chains kinky. Or I could be cleaning a rifle thinking how nice it is to be at the top of the food chain.

I haven’t been hunting in almost 20 years. I prefer not to do much killing. If I can get meat in a store I really don’t feel a need to kill it myself.

But is that really better? It’s more sanitized for me, but factory farms aren’t particularly nice for the animals. Is it better from their standpoint to run around free until they happen to cross paths with a predator? Is being shot a more pleasant death than being eaten alive? Anybody who has watched a cat play with a small animal has to wonder. And what about injury and disease or starving to death? Kobe beef cattle live a pampered life I’ve heard. Drinking beer and getting massaged by Japanese people doesn’t sound so bad. Here in the States the animals raised as 4H projects are probably the best treated non-pets. They aren’t free to do what they want, but they are pretty comfortable. Pets have a relatively pleasant life usually. Certainly I would consider it more pleasant than NOT being a pet.

So how do we view that freedom as a human? You want the state to take care of you? If you’re born rich it’s unlikely your parents are going to let you starve or be eaten by predators. What’s that? We’re at the top of the food chain you say. Really? There might be some predators that haven’t heard that. But very few people get eaten in cities, at least in a non-sexual way. But some aspects of life in the herd or hood require a degree of cooperation. Free medical care, why would I want to pay for that? The same reason public health departments were created. You’re part of a herd not an individual on an island. An alpha individual might lead a herd for a while, but that never lasts. Sooner or later the alpha changes, and individuals on the way out don’t usually fare as well as the rest of the herd. In a perfect world you don’t have jealousy. In an imperfect one you have robbery, swindling, and exploitation because someone isn’t happy with what they have. You might share. They might not.

But let’s get back to that food chain business. The bird eats the ants. The bird dies. The ants eat the bird.

The herbivore eats the plants. The carnivore eats the herbivore {in a totally non-sexual way of course}. The carnivore dies and rots. The plants absorb the carnivore.

The sun runs low on hydrogen and goes into a red giant phases. The surface expands beyond the orbit of Earth.

Maybe I should go fishing instead?

Wild

Want Some Pi? Squaresville Man

Word play, puns, all that would be missing if we were telepathic. Jokes don’t often translate well under the best of conditions. And if you have to explain it, well, is it really worth the trouble. The Dalai Lama visited Cedar Falls Iowa either last year or the year before. A reporter thought he’d be really clever and asked him, “If you order a pizza would it be one with everything?” The joke works in English, it’s just painful if it takes 10 minutes to explain it. Although I would’ve expected him to have heard that joke at some point in time.

Your past can haunt you. The history of squares is a mixed bag, can you dig it? Square deals, we’re square, eat a square meal, those are good.

Calling someone a square is bad? Hank Hill wouldn’t agree, but such is the life of cartoons. Tangents to a circle form right angles and as such are square. Maybe the idea of a square meal started with a pizza. Pythagoras regarded squaring a circle in religious terms. Revealing irrational numbers was heresy, and they didn’t know of any regular solids bigger than a dodecahedron. Eat more fiber. The 3,4,5 right triangle was probably the ancients easiest way of making a square. Their cartoons weren’t moving.

I sometimes save drafts with cryptic notes to remind me of post ideas. This is one such post. I had noted meals, deals, hair. What was I thinking, square hair? That’s why it was a cryptic note, crypts can be nasty smelly places. Being buried doesn’t sound like a lot of fun either. Maybe I was thinking about someone with long hair getting a crew cut. There was an episode of Room 222 like that. My sister liked that show, I only watched it when she got her way.

We had one film in math class.

Gotta like them square roots. I think that was why I had hair down. I was going to make some remark about dying one’s hair and having different colored roots, ie square roots. I guess I let my hair down by forgetting that joke. See what I mean by painful explanations?

Wild