Tag Archives: work

Doing Laps, Vanity and The Blob

Went to the doctor yesterday. I’m still alive.

The Irish Rovers used to always end the show with one of two sayings. “May you be be half an hour in Heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.” And “May you live as long as you want to and may you want to as long as you live.”

The doctor gave me the usual talk about losing weight, but he did pick up on something without me saying it directly. He told me that my weight would significantly shorten my life. Then he said that doesn’t mean I’ll die a quick death from a heart attack. He told me that when his elderly patients say they’re ready to go he reminds them they could have debilitating incidents that don’t kill them, like strokes. If dying doesn’t scare me he will tell me about other possibilities. I have been exercising more. My A1C has been below 6 for 2 years now. I never did have to take diabetic meds. I can stop doing the test strips now though. How would the obituary read? Last words were, “I said I’m not sick!” Rather vain to think about what others might say. Could play this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6UAYGxiRwU

She did confirm who the song was about. http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/gossip/la-et-mg-carly-simon-youre-so-vain-about-warren-beatty-partially-20151118-story.html

There is a meme circulating on Facebook about not needing to know what others think of you. This is very true. Most people are not thinking about you very often and when they do it might not be flattering. A coworker once shared a story about a doctor he was friends with. The Dr was born in the US to Japanese parents. They spoke Japanese in the house so he was very fluent. Having went to school to be a doctor, he was quite intelligent. He decided to visit Japan. Upon his return he told my coworker that he would never go back. Despite being very fluent, he had never learned to READ Japanese. He had to ask about train schedules and routes. People would treat him like an idiot. The sign is right there, can’t you read? they would say.

Sometimes you’re better off not knowing what people think of you.

Wild

What do you lose when you stand up? Your lap.
Making laps would be sitting then.

I saw a remake of the Blob on Crackle earlier. I prefer the old version. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094761/

And I like this song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK5jyVCdXwc

had to clear up stuff from the title.

Grasshopper, Do Not Be a Dragonfly

We had a fire at work yesterday.

But I don’t work at Fawlty Towers. I did have a bit of an adrenaline rush when I realized that there actually was a fire. And when that wore off I was really tired. And I still had most of my shift to get through, and the fire created more work for me. When I heard the alarm I went to check the alarm control panel. I saw that a pull station in an employee area had been pulled on the southeast part of the building. I was in the northwest part. I did a quick check of my area of the building to make sure everybody was out then I went outside and did a headcount at the NW collection point. There were three supervisors at the SE collection point. It took an unusually long time for the fire truck to arrive. We’re two blocks from the fire station. I found out later that we had had a false alarm fault in the system earlier in the day. We had fixed it, but the fire department didn’t know that it was fixed. What a time for the alarm to malfunction. No one was hurt. A bale of cardboard next to the building had caught on fire, but it was outside of the building. A coworker posted pictures on Facebook.

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Only one bale caught on fire. I ended up rearranging about 20 further away from the building. I guess I needed some practice driving the pallet movers.

People do have a habit of not thinking about what they’re doing when they get curious. That’s why I chose the title. A coworker, since retired, once told me that it was really easy to shoot dragonflies with a BB gun. The BB moves slow enough that the dragonfly sees it and goes to see what it is, but then can’t get out of the way fast enough.

And now for politics.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Licinius_Crassus

The fire departments in Rome were privately owned. If your house caught on fire Crassus would send over his fire department. They would make offers to buy before they would put the fire out. If the owner wouldn’t sell they would watch it burn.

Wild

Lulu’s Gone Away

Some of my coworkers retired at the end of March.

Everybody makes the workplace happy. Some when they arrive, some when they leave.

Some are real lulus. I had that song stuck in my brain too. I remember it as a cutesy “Adult” song from back in the day of euphemisms.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bang_Bang_Lulu

http://www.kristinhall.org/songbook/SeaAndPub/BangBangLulu.html

Is there a euphemistic way of referring to euphemisms?

What synonyms are there for synonym?

And what about Dennis Rader?

Sometimes my mind doesn’t simply wander, my train of thought derails and careens wildly through non sequiturs. And according to Merriam Webster I spelled that correctly, but the spellcheck running in the background didn’t like it. It’s been in the English language since the 1500s. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/non%20sequitur

Dennis Rader was the BTK killer. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Rader

In some documentaries they talk about serial killers feeling like they have no control over their life. So they take control by killing people. BTK exemplifies this in that he stopped killing after he became a code enforcement officer. When he could be a real asshole to people and they didn’t really have any recourse, he didn’t feel the need to kill.

It makes me wonder how many “Little Hitlers” would turn into serial killers if they didn’t have their own little realm to rule over.

Then I wonder if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that they have those little realms. How many people do they make miserable through “Legitimate” outlets compared to how many people do they make miserable by being a serial killer?

On the bright side, whichever they do they don’t live forever. All reigns end sometime. Into all lives a little reign must fall.

One coworker I will miss, the other is a joy to not see any more.

Paraphilia, Feel Ya Pair

As word play I realize that’s reaching. Inappropriate reaching is a paraphilia. I’m sure of it.

I’m a guy. Guy’s think about sex almost constantly. Today a coworker walked by and I thought, her tits didn’t used to be that big. I’ve known her 27 years. We’ve never worked the same shift, and I don’t know her real well. Like I said, I’m a guy. I’m going to notice the bounce. So then I wonder, are they real? In addition to being horny and aged, I can be philosophical. What IS real? Is a dildo or vibrator real? What about a cockring? Lingerie? Jewelry? If your nipples are pierced does that make them non-real? I once heard a psychiatrist on a telecourse that there were only so many orifices and protuberances on the body and nothing was as kinky as it’s practitioners thought. That’s not true anymore. People get body modification surgery and create new ones.

So what is really real. Probably whatever floats your boat. Adornment is intended to make you feel sexy. If you feel sexy others will probably find you sexy as well. If they don’t that’s their problem. If the adornment needs to be extreme, well, you might have issues. Some issues are collectables. The lady in question had breast cancer a number of years ago so maybe maybe she had some augmentation to feel better. That’s her business. If so, I hope it worked for her. I’ll appreciate the bounce for the same reason climbers go up Everest, because it’s there.

I could stop here. But wouldn’t it be fun to keep going?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

Quite the list there. Wow. All the bases are covered right?

Maybe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_technical_terms_for_nonparaphilic_sexual_interests

Okay okay, maybe not.

I almost titled this “Money and Sex” I would have went here first.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lovemap

Sometimes I can’t help but get pervy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perversion

What a way to end
Wild

Two Score Years Ago I Was Too Sore To Soar Too.

Okay, maybe not quite forty years ago. Big Science came out in 82. But wouldn’t you be sore?

You would expect me to keep a record of the time? Going down on the Captain might lead to other things.

Well I said they were too sore. Too means excessive. Excessive oral sex leads to sensitivity and Beaver Breath.

Too can also mean also. Too!

And two can mean 2. The number two that is. I’m not talking about scat here. Herr stranger I don’t want to hear about scat. What about the score? What, beaver breath isn’t good enough you want to score too? Or were you talking about the musical score? Laurie had an interesting technique on another song from that album.

It’s interesting for me to watch this video now. I bought the vinyl on the recommendation of a friend not long after it came out. I bought the CD after I bought a CD player in 88. I saw this video for the first time just recently. I didn’t realize she signed on it until then. Learn something new all the time. But you would think Superman would have a cape? Where’s the cape?

Okay, this probably does go back forty years, but I just saw it recently. Superheros don’t {necessarily} wear dresses.

http://itwasneveradress.com/

I saw a personalized license plate at the gas station one day. It said PYTHAGORAS. I said to the guy getting gas, “You must be either a musician or a mathematician.” He replied, “So must you.” He was a musician. I told him to bake sugar cookies into regular polygons and have the kids use frosting to stack them into dodecahedra. You start with stars and chop off Isosceles triangles. That will leave you with pentagons and unhappy children. They might cheer up when they see how much frosting/chocolate is needed to stick the sides together. Then you tell them that Euclid’s Elements is actually a dessert cookbook.

You do realize that you can’t believe EVERYTHING you read on-line.

Wild

Pet Peeve, Pernicious Political Posts Pertaining to Pecuniary Policies

And so it begins. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGWaP7Q5vCI

Raid
Kills Bugs
Dead
That is how one of my high school English teachers described haiku. I learned a lot from him.

There is Neanderthal DNA in modern humans. There must’ve been some interbreeding. Was it consensual? I have some doubts about how attractive the two groups would have found one another. Even in the absence of alcohol extreme horniness will make people less choosey. There is no accounting for taste either. But the interbreeding could certainly have been the result of a raid. It really bothers people when you raid their settlement. I’m confident they would want to kill what bugs them.

Neanderthals are all dead.

That song was never intended to be released. It was a studio piece to set recording levels. It’s about as basic as a song can get. But it was popular.

I don’t know if Neanderthals paid taxes. The oldest writings were basically tax records.

It’s too late to amend them.

Did they get their money’s worth?

No

As soon as money was invented so was the concept of scamming. You can hoard money. You can hoard non-perishable items. You can hoard perishables for a while. As soon as you do, someone will try to take them.

Somethings just don’t change. And therein lies philosophy, and concepts of government, ownership, theft, punishment, deterrence, justice, and retribution. And there is the battle between emotions, logic, and your objective. A lot of people really don’t like devoting much time to analyzing their feelings. The gut can be quite convincing even when it is wrong. If you own a store and you lose $100 a week to shoplifters it doesn’t make sense to spend $100 a day for security. The gut burns with anger at the situation. That’s understandable. Understanding doesn’t alter the rules of mathematics. A person can’t control everything that happens to them. They can try to control how they react to it. The only reason you need a key for your car is because someone might steal it if you didn’t. Someone pulls up to a convenience store and leaves the car running because they’re only going to be there a minute. Someone else steals their car. Do you blame them for leaving it running or do you blame the thief for taking it?

You catch the thief. What is your goal? Do you try to make them feel bad for what they did? Do you try to make them unable to do it again? Do you make them pay {monetarily} for the inconvenience and damage they did? Manipulating the emotions of the thief, making them regret their actions, is a task that depends more on them than on what you do. Forcing an emotional state is not easy. You can inflect pain and suffering commensurate to the damage they did, but that might only trigger feelings of being a victim on their part. They blame the one punishing them. They don’t blame themselves for their circumstance. It’s much more productive to set a goal based on your own actions, not on the emotional state of others.

How much do you care what they think? You do care. That is part of the social contract. It’s not necessary that they like you. It is necessary for them to follow the rules whether it’s because they don’t want to hurt others or because they are afraid of the punishment. Actions occur because of thoughts. You are concerned about their actions therefore you are concerned about their thoughts.

How easy is it to get mad at those that don’t seem to live by the rules. Do you want to punish the welfare cheats that use their benefits to get drugs? Do the healthy people parking in fire lanes or handicap spaces irritate you? Do you dislike the idea of prisoners getting free food and medical not too mention cable TV? On the other side of the spectrum, does it bother you how much CEOs make? Does it piss you off when you hear about off shore banking to avoid taxes? Do you feel like there’s a world wide group of multinational corporations that are basically a one world government?

How many human ills lead back to envy and greed{especially if that greed includes protecting ones possessions}? When you die, how much of it do you take with you? At what point do you admit your own mistakes? Would you consider spending $100 a day to prevent $100 a week in thefts a mistake? If you lose a buck in a vending machine are you justified in taking all the ketchup packets to make up for it? I would call that tit for tat. Actually I just like thinking about tits with tattoos. I might be in my 50’s but I can still be juvenile.

Wild

Ode to Joy

“Everybody brings happiness to the room, some when they enter, some when they leave.” Anon.

I’m almost tempted to leave it at that, but I need to vent. Different equipment is suited to different tasks. If you leave a particular piece of equipment for me to use after I had suggested the order of what needed to be done and when, and with what equipment, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY WHEN I’M DOING WHAT I HAD TOLD YOU TO DO. Granted, I’m not your supervisor. You don’t want to do a particular task, fine I’ll do it. IS THAT SO HARD? The tractor is for close in work near stuff. The blade isn’t that big but the hydraulics power it down for scraping and it has an incredibly tight turning circle. The truck has a big wide heavy blade that drops by gravity. Don’t even try to get in tight spots. Don’t try to drag the snow back. Either go back and forth or go around the block a bunch of times. It’s a whole lot easier if you use the right equipment for the right task. If you get really pissed off and want to start ramming things, use the truck you have much better protection. It might also be a good idea to stick to ramming the snow piles, just say you were trying to pile it higher. Avoid ramming idiot drivers, immediate gratification carries long term consequences.

And the storm had been over for quite a while when I went to work. Did he help me? Yes, I got in some practice at anger management. I will be very glad when I retire and look out my window at people driving in storms.

An Aria for Karma? Habanero? Sounds Spicy

Now if it was Carmen that would be Habanera. I watch Family Guy too.

But Karma is only a bitch if you are. I was reminded of that yesterday at work. I was talking with someone about a particular supervisor. She reminds me of Dennis Rader in some ways. Nice as pie to your face, but let something go wrong and it’s the night of long knives. I was reminded of one particular incident where someone who had some attendance issues didn’t call in. She was gleeful about being able to list him as AWOL. Yeah, he was AWOL. He was DEAD lying on his basement floor. No he didn’t call in and get prior approval. Don’t talk to me bitch, I don’t even want to know what Karma has in store for you.

He died over 10 years ago, but where I work there are a lot of long term employees. I don’t know if he died then fell down the stairs, or if he fell down the stairs then died. But they didn’t find him for like 3 days. AND HE DIDN’T CALL IN FOR ANY OF THEM! And he wasn’t like Jesus and show up for work after being dead three days.

I feel better after that rant.
Wild

It? It!?! IT!!! My Baby isn’t an IT!!!!

A quote from Jerome Klapka Jerome around 1890 to 1900. At that time he was lamenting the predicament a young man can find himself in when presented with a young mother and child. At that time they dressed babies, ALL babies, in white. There was no convention about blue and pink. He advised young men to NEVER refer to the child as it. If he calls the little boy her or calls the little girl him, the mother and accompanying women will simply smile at him as if he is an imbecile. If he should absently call the child it, fury from said women will be unleashed.

About ten years ago the wife of my coworker Dave had a baby. One night wife and child visited our breakroom so the ladies in the office could see the baby. A former coworker {she later quit, thankfully} was on break at the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with less maternal urges. She was visibly annoyed when the crowd started piling up. I happened to glance her way and saw her scowling. An “If looks could kill” type of scowl. No one else noticed. It amused me. Actually it amused me that she was basically always pissed off. And it was very easy to really get on her nerves. After she stopped talking to me I used to make it a point to walk by her and say Hi. She would never respond, and after a while stopped making eye contact. I was telling one of my other coworkers about it, and he gave me some advice that I started heeding. He pointed out that if she ever flipped out and started shooting, I might be high up on the list from those Hi’s.

I hear they might make a “Goonies II”. The one guy was described as an it. He was a good it though.

When I think of Tony Randall I think of Felix Ungar. I’m sure a lot of other people do too. I could compare and contrast the Greatest American Hero, and the Meadow Party’s presidential candidate. The first is William Catt, the second is Bill the Cat. When I moved to what basically amounted to a small farm in 1981 there was a cat that wandered in from the fields. It bore an uncanny resemblance to Bloom County’s Bill the Cat {thank you Berkeley Breathed}. It was orange and black, sort of, it had mange or something that caused a significant amount of fur loss. It was very friendly. It would wander by linger for a half hour or so then go back into the fields. While it was hanging around it would go from person to person and rub his neck on your lower leg. Then he would put his nose in the cuff and blow big wads of snot all over your pant legs. He was very friendly, but the world was his handkerchief. William Catt also made a movie called “House”. I enjoyed the movie, and I was expecting to watch it the first time I watched the show called “House” about the doctor.

Now for Mr. Throatwarbler-Mangrove pronounced “Smith”. That was Monty Python, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition you know. The was also a sketch about Mr. Smoketoomuch. He enters the outer office and the receptionist, {played by the very busty Carol Cleveland} greets him by asking, “Are you here to book a holiday or did you want a blowjob?” They changed that line for American TV audiences. They didn’t think we could handle a blowjob.

Gotta love that Brit sense of humor. Jerome K Jerome’s writing style was similar to James Thurber’s. I don’t know if Thurber read J’s books or not. I was introduced to “Three Men In A Boat” thanks to Robert Graves. I watched Masterpiece Theatre’s “I, Claudius” back in the 70’s. I really enjoyed that. I decided to read the book. That was really good. I started reading all of Robert Graves’ books. Then I read “The Antigua Stamp”. Hated it. It pissed me off. Neither of the main characters was particularly likable. But when choosing between a malicious bumbling idiot and a malicious evil genius I have a modicum of more sympathy for the former. As a Southern friend of mine would say, “Bless his heart, he just don’t know any better.” It would seem Mr Graves disagrees with me. And he made fun of “Three Men In A Boat.” That was all the incentive I needed to read that book. It was hilarious. And not all that dated for being that old. It just goes to show that people are people regardless of their location in the space time continuum.

Plato had some unusual ideas about reality. The world we see is an imperfect image of the ideal. The ideal is the reality in a metaphysical bizarre sense. That would seem to make Platonic relationships even weirder. If it’s Platonic it’s strictly intellectual not sexual. That doesn’t really seem to follow. And it would make Plato’s Retreat positively boring if no one had sex. I wonder if they have Glory Holes there. Glory Glory Hallelujah, The Lord Has Cum. I know. I’m going to Hell for that one. Gotta find a Holy Man.

Wild

It’s A Conspiracy I Tell Ya

I have a mildly annoying coworker. I have some that are more annoying, but who cares what they think/say. The Mildly Annoying One I shall call MAO. {Thanks Furball, I got the idea from your blog and TAO}. He’s not Chinese nor communist, but he seems to think that there’s things going on that we know nothing about. Entirely possible since we can’t know everything. As it happens MAO, a few others and myself all take lunch at the same time and there is a TV in the lunchroom usually tuned to the Nightly News. I like to watch the news, MAO likes asserting that the news people are lying. Well, first of all lying implies relaying information you know to be false. If you sincerely think what you’re saying is true then you aren’t lying. You might be Bat-shit crazy instead. A well intentioned bat-shit crazy I’m sure. When the Malaysian airliner went missing it had to be a government cover up. And how did they make the full body scanners for the TSA so quickly after 9-11?

Okay, the scanners probably have their origins in the night vision camcorders of the 90’s. Some pervert { A clever and observant perhaps even admirable pervert} noticed that if you put the camera in night vision mode during the day, it would see right through clothes. If you see nothing admirable about that consider the semantics, Admirable could be referencing a Naval Rank. If your Navel is rank you should wash it, RHIP.

And why haven’t they been able to find the plane? Uh, there are oceans of debris out there. It’s a big place. They are still finding rubber ducks out there. http://www.rubaduck.com/news/rubber-ducks-circumnavigate-globe

On to the Ft Hood shooting, MAO “The shooter in 09 was never tried, never convicted. His parents had aliases and where did they get the money to start their business? It’s on the net, look it up.” Yeah and there’s probably some site out there that says Elvis piloted a UFO back through time to rescue Amelia Earheart too. You can’t believe everything you read on the net. I made that point to a different coworker, TAO The Absent One. I made an observation, if they try to use your Facebook posts against you when you call in sick, post vacation, fun, type pics and say they were taken on xyz date. Be sure to be at work on xyz date. Lying on employment paperwork can get you fired. Lying on Facebook might be inconvenient to your friends, but carries no actual employment penalty. I haven’t heard much about my top sticky note.

Aside from the insanity I like MAO, he’s a good worker and a nice guy. I like TAO also. She’s not there much, but she has a very dirty mind with a good sense of humor.

Neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics move in, psychiatrists charge rent, the internet hackers sublet them.

And it can all be blamed on MK Ultra, look it up on the net!

Wild