Monthly Archives: May 2013

There Will Be A Quiz At The End Of This Post

http://news.yahoo.com/treating-gum-disease-may-treat-erectile-dysfunction-231051527.html

If you never brush your teeth will you need to worry about your ED?

http://news.yahoo.com/tell-soda-addict-meth-addict-211737832.html

Cheers!

Now that’s more like it. Boilin’ water kills germs

This is mostly instrumental, but the last 30 sec has lyrics.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I rarely floss. But it would be easier if I could take them out and then floss ’em.

I said there would be a quiz at the end and here it is. The Word quiz, Ain’t I just a cutie.

QUIZ

Brazilian Wax Museum

Rogues gallery or rouge gallery? Blame it on Rio, or Carnival.

I’m not a big fan of the hairless look, it reminds me too much of kids. But I can see some advantages, mostly in bikinis. It still sounds like pain. There’s a video floating around of Harrison Ford getting his chest waxed for charity.

There’s also a video of Vladimir Putin singing Blueberry Hill at a charity event.

It would seem that you can find almost anything on the net.

Every now and then you hear about Argentina. Mark Sanford went down there {I’ll bet he did} to meet his girlfriend during National Nude Hiking Day. Wilbur Mills got involved with Fanne Fox and her husband. That happened in the US but she was from Argentina. And in between the two there was the Falklands War between Argentina and the UK. The three events are not linked to my knowledge, but maybe some conspiracy theorist can find a link.

So, should there be a wax museum dedicated to Brazilian wax jobs? MME Tussauds doesn’t have any sites in S. America.
http://www.madametussauds.com/London/Default.aspx

I wonder if they ever have actors/actresses pose as wax figures? I’ve never been to a wax museum. I’ve seen a few horror movies set in them. If there is a museum dedicated to early sound recordings it could be called a wax museum.

Oh Brother! The Forest and the Trees

My brother came back to Iowa for a visit. He lives in North Carolina. He doesn’t visit real often, the last time he was here was when Ma died. Thursday we went to the cemetery and put flowers on Ma and Dad’s grave,and on the way there the subject of trees came up. My dad planted a grove of oak trees for someone when he was 16. The trees are getting good sized now, but oak trees are slow growing. And after we got back to Cedar Falls we drove around town to see the changes from when he was a kid. The house we lived in until 67 is still there. They put a breezeway to link the house to the garage, it’s a loong breezeway. Curiously, growing up I remember a lot of snakes in the yard and garden, I moved back to CF in 95 and I haven’t seen a snake here since then. My brother used to mow lawns with an old reel type push mower. He saved up to buy a gas powered mower. {as an aside, I’m not heat tolerant. Mowing about kills me. One year I had the bright idea to use a reel type mower so I could mow at night when it’s cooler and not get busted for a noise ordinance. When I went out to look at the lawn in the morning it reminded me of a Far Side comic. You see a guy and his dog outside with a few mower swipes cut into the lawn and the guy saying to the dog, “You call that mowing the yard? Bad Dog! No Biscuit!” I never tried mowing at night again.} Back in those days we walked everywhere. It was about three miles each way to go to the pool. And there was a neat looking tree on 18th street. The top of the tree broke off during a storm in 09, it sprouted some new growth from the trunk, maybe it’ll keep growing. It was unique in that many many years ago someone planted 4 trees, 2 on either side of the sidewalk, and then when they got big enough they were grafted together to form an arch. It became a landmark. There used to be another odd tree by the university. It was carved into a sculpture of an Indian by someone who didn’t like the city telling him to cut down the dead tree. In the late 80’s it was taken down and pumped full of preservatives then put back up. That pissed the artist off too. He offered to carve another tree if they let the first rot. He had wanted the rotting tree to symbolize our culture or something like that {see previous post about artists}. Then I showed them the parking lot where my apartment used to be. When my aunt from Boston visited I showed her the spot where the house she grew up in used to be. It’s a Hardee’s parking lot now. And I pointed out where the drive in theater used to be. It’s an apartment building AND a parking lot now. The pool we used to go to is gone now too. The house where my older siblings lived before I was born is still there. It’s next to a lake. The lake didn’t use to be there. On an earlier visit I showed him that. It was his wife’s first visit to Iowa {he’s a widower, he had just recently gotten remarried.} He pointed across the water and told her, that’s the way we used to walk to school.

All in all, it was a good visit.

A Scuzzy MFM, Drivin’ Hard

That means different things to different people.

I’M A REALLY DIFFERENT PERSON.

If you’re old enough and geeky enough, you might think I’m talking about ancient history as it pertains to PCs. MFM was a type of computer hard drive. I think they topped out about 33MEG, at least that was the most that DOS3.3 and older would support. Scuzzy was the homophone of SCSI, and was a type of hard drive that could be daisy chained together.

Yeah.

REALLY

Would you use the homophone of a scuzzy MFM daisy chain? Wrong number? Does the language trigger thoughts of a kinky cell phone call with sticky buttons? Maybe butt dialing phone sex?

Can you hear me now?

Which is worse, when people stare because you’re different, or when people avoid looking at you because you’re really different?

I really don’t know what triggered this post, and it was tough to find some kind of link to add. This will do. There’s some dialog after the song.

Wild

That’s The Last Straw!

Actually it isn’t the last straw, I have another package in the cupboard. It was the last of the longer straws though. I prefer the shorter ones. First of all, if you’re drinking a carbonated beverage the bubbles will accumulate between sips and cause the straw to float. If the straw is long, it becomes top heavy and falls out of the glass. If the glass is short the straw sticks up to a point where it becomes easy to accidentally bump or catch it. One time I was in the student union talking to a friend during lunch. My sleeve snagged the straw pulling my cup over spilling my drink. In an effort to avoid the spill I pushed my chair back. It didn’t slide, it pivoted. As the chair was going over backward, I did the natural normal thing. I kicked my legs out for balance. Unfortunately, I kicked the table. It went over the other way spilling the rest of the stuff on my friend. We decided to leave since everyone was staring at us.

I doubt that everyone was staring. It was probably only the people nearest us. Whenever you do something really undignified it just feels like everybody is watching. The trick is to take a bow with a flourish to indicate that you like the attention. That’s the surest way to be ignored. Doubly so if you hold out a hat.

I had Malaysian roommates in college, but I spent a good deal of my free time with artists and philosophers.

This song takes me back to 1982. The best year of my life. They remind me of the people I used to hang and drink with. A lot of bad happened that year, but the good outweighed it.

Forever Wild

Hey! Lego My Pussy!

One for my buddy in Omaha. Does anybody ever really own a cat?

It’s not the cutest video I’ve ever scene, but any reason to use the word pussy works for me. I know, that makes me sound like a junior high kid. Young at heart even if I’m old and decrepit.

Other possible captions could be, “Did you know you have a cavity there?”

My favorite, “Hold Still, You’ve Got Some Pussy Hair Stuck in your Teeth.”

It sounds like they’re journeying through KY. I know someone that’ll like that.
Wild

AAAGH! You Stupid Idiot! Why Did You Do That?!

Nothing to worry about. It’s just a bit of self-abuse. I’ll have make-up sex with myself later.

I was going through my checkbook the other day, and I noticed that I didn’t have a check for house insurance recently in the register. That’s odd I thought. I went and looked through the duplicates. Nope not their either. So I called my Ins. Agent. The agent called the company and they said they sent me a bill Apr 22. I looked some more, didn’t find it. Got home from work looked some more still, and still didn’t find it. Now I vaguely remembered seeing it though. Getting close to bedtime, I look to see how my supply of blank checks is. Low and behold there is the bill in with the blank checks. I think I must’ve thought that I would use up the pad in my checkbook and find the bill when I refilled it. Stupid mistake that was bugging me for two days. I hate it when I leave something in a special spot knowing that I couldn’t possibly forget about it, and then do.

Never really had a good grasp on make up sex, Fuck the Mascara, Fuck the foundation, Rouge is a cool name but I wouldn’t go on about it til I’m red in the face. Lipstick just sounds soo dirty.

Hustler magazine was the first one to “Show Pink.” Kinda gives new meaning to being in the Pink. I could speculate about a speculum, I don’t know how to specu-early though. We could have a Pabst Beer and talk about it.

Wild

Elementary My Dear

I really enjoy Tom Lehrer’s sense of humor. He can be sick and twisted once in a while. Those moments are golden. Or platinum, or iridium, or thallium or thulium….

And I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Dr Lehrer also has a scrapbook filled with tributes to the “Late Tom Lehrer”.

I guess he was on time. But, it takes two to Tango!

Deep Throat Tricky Dick Get a Plumber to Stop The Leak

I had debated saying something about the Flintstones having a Gay Ol’ Time. Not this time.

Deep Throat in this case has nothing to do with Linda Lovelace, it was a guy. He was sharing Tricky Dicky secrets. I mean Nixon. He’s the guy that started trade with China. I also find it amusing that Cartoon Network has a show where the good guy secret agents are plumbers. Yeah, that was Nixon’s idea too. Send the plumbers in to spy on McGovern. The problem was the coverup. Kind of like with Clinton. If he had just said, “yeah we had sex, go mind your own fucking business, we broke no laws.” They would have had no legal reason to impeach. Eventually they would have found or invented one. That’s how politics are played. Even though I was only 12 during the hearings that was my introduction to political thought. They interrupted my cartoons. It better be damn important. So I watched the hearings. I heard about G Gordon Liddy basically BBQing his hand to prove his loyalty {SNL did a skit}. And not too long after Watergate, you had Wilbur Mills and Fanne Fox{e} making the news. I think she was Argentinian. Maybe Mark Sanford would know. Chevy Chase claims he had injuries from impersonating Pres. Ford. Ford fell down alot {or so it seemed. I do remember seeing a pic of him sprawled on some stairs after he stepped out of a helicopter before it landed.

I guess that’s enough politics for now. I’d do Betty, I’d prefer Wilma, but she’d never leave Fred. Fran Smith wouldn’t be too bad. Peggy Hill {eh, maybe}, Lois Griffin {maybe}, Rocky the Flying Squirrel {hey, the voice is June Foray, a woman, course the character is also a squirrel, maybe Arch would do her.}

That Only A Mother Could Love

I remember a professor telling the class maternity is certain, paternity is an assumption. That was before DNA testing. But the mother carries the child inside her body, her bodily fluids nourish the young. What’s dad? A motherfucker, thanks for the imagery Lewis CK.

What do you give to the person who helped give you life? Something valuable, like time or Love. One of my high school teachers actually provided some interesting ideas about gift giving in general. If the person needs something that is a first choice. Food, clothing, shelter are the big three. Beyond that it should be something of yourself. My mom always said that if you bought her something it meant you were thinking of her while you were in the store. If you made something for her you were thinking of her for the time it took to make it. My opinion on that is “It’s personal”. A handmade gift is a reflection of the maker. After my mom died, I did ask for a throw that the one sister had crocheted, and I asked for a painting one of the other sister’s had made. Both of my parents had some disdain for ritual. They were both more inclined to give gifts on something other than Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day.