Tag Archives: work

Two Finns for a Sawbuck, Mired in the BOG

Sometimes when people get angry they lash out with the most nonsensical things. At work a custodian who was told that he will have to work the fourth and it won’t be on his regular shift got mad about it. I can understand that. Then he was told to change the battery in the clock in the breakroom, now this is where it gets a little weird. Any where else and it would be extremely weird, where I work the excuses people use have to be heard to be believed. Believed that they were used, not believed that they were true. He pawned it off on another maintenance guy. He said he didn’t know how to do it. That wasn’t quite the reaction I expected. I expected him to replace the battery, but to avoid setting the time because he wasn’t specifically told to do that. Just for clarification, no I did not run away from home and join the circus. Anyway, it got me to thinking. Okay, you don’t know how to change batteries. If you were a woman with a BOB you’d be in a bit of a jam. {A non-vibrating jam} So the counterpart to BOB must be BOG, Battery Operated Girlfriend. Silly me, I start thinking crosswords again. BOG, sounds like bog, swampy, mucky, mired, a fen. Fen, sounds like fin. Kinda fishy. Smells like fish she’s a real dish, Red Dwarf; Fish,…Fish,…Fish,…Fish,…Fish. The cat did five, right AB? Okay, fin, also sounds like Finn. That would be a Finnish person. Danny Jean-Joules doesn’t look Finnish. Fin, 20’s era gangster slang for five dollars. Sawbuck, ten dollars.

Now you know why I stay up all night writing jibberish.

RHPS, you have to lose your sanity to keep it. Hey Rocky watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. A retired coworker has the nickname Rocky. I couldn’t say hey, without completing the phrase after I was past him.


1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,… The Amazing Karnak!

Placing envelope next to turban,
Prediction, I’ve never seen anything quite like that before.

Opens envelope, Things the Dr says that can make you really worry.

The joke was mine, the caricature was Johnny Carson’s. I watched Johnny for a lot of years until Jay took over. One of the things I liked about Johnny was his having Guest Hosts on whenever he went on vacation. It gave you a sample of other styles.

In math class we learned about the Fibonacci numbers. Whoa, non sequitur, how did we get there? The Carson act was called the “Amazing Carnac”, the Fibonacci sequence was used in the contruction of the Temple of Karnak in ancient Egypt. And Queen Nefertiti died from a toothache. There’s a lot of stuff spellcheck didn’t like, but it was okay with Nefertiti. I wonder how it will feel about the lake at the highest elevation on the planet. I like saying this one, it makes me think lascivious thoughts, not like I wouldn’t think this way without added reason. It is Lake Titicaca. I wrote this draft a while back, checking it now I realize I need to be clear. When I think of Titicaca, I think of titty-cock-uh what do you want to do next? Shoo you scat people, except Mr. Cruthers and Ella F..

Wiki says I’m wrong, the sequence is related to the Golden Ratio, but not to the Egyptians. Maybe so, I do sometimes make mistakes.

I’ll probably have a dream about doing Titicaca to Nefertiti now. I’m saving it as a draft, so I’ll let you know.

Nope, didn’t dream about Nefertiti. Do have a toothache now though. Actually not the tooth itself, a chip broke off and a jagged edge is irritating my lip.

I should check Netflix and Hulu, I wonder if Johnny is on either. I miss watching him. I like Jay, I like Jimmy Fallon too, not too crazy about Conan. Used to watch Letterman long ago. Watched his monologue after Palin kicked up a fuss. To me it was obvious that the joke she took offense to was not aimed at her youngest daughter. I would say that in general children should not be targets in political jokes. The difference would be if the candidate is pushing them into the spotlight or if the kid is drawing media attention to themselves. Fair or not, if you launch into a tirade because of a joke, you’re too thin skinned to be a politician. Someone will always cross the line and you might have to deal with that person later, so ignore the jokes unless you can fire back with a snappy comeback. In that sense politics is like junior high, ignore teasing {unless it escalates into bullying, gotta add that for a psa}, unless you have a snappy comeback or unless you want the teasing to get worse. They get bored if they don’t get a reaction. Physically Palin is not bad looking at all, IMO, I don’t care for the voice and I don’t like the politics though. Tina Fey is more appealing to me. Letterman did get Sonny and Cher on though.

This is Karnak,

This is Carnac,



The last two links are photos, not videos or text.


That’s the French for Help Me, Help Me. Anglicized that’s Mayday, Mayday. And then there is May 1st. Sometimes that is the last day of winter. Actually I was told that there is a chance of snow flurries tomorrow night. It won’t amount to anything and it was 83 today. I went out and shoveled sand. Not my favorite activity. The sand accumulates where we had snow piles. When the snow piles are all melted then we have to clean up the sand. I was shoveling it by hand because it was still too wet for the street sweeper and it tends to stick hard when it dries. Our street sweeper is small and the seat does not adjust. It doesn’t come with a seatbelt either, but I think it tops out about 20. I used to drive it quite a bit, not lately though. I don’t fit COMFORTABLY in it. I can squeeze in but it’s rather claustrophobic. There are certain rituals associated with May 1st. It’s supposed to be a good day for an orgy. Of course it is, is there a BAD day for an orgy {yeah wedding anniversary isn’t cool}. And then there is that custom of girls dancing around the Priapus Rex with ribbons. Yep, dancing to ABBA’s Voulez-Vous coucher avec moi ce soir? I like ABBA but really, c’mon. Voulez-vous? That’s either rather formal for asking someone to sleep with you, or you’re asking a group to. To go to bed alone is reflexive, se coucher. Non reflexive is going to bed not alone.

I think you dear reader lucked out. I had planned on sharing more Army stories, and some amusing puke anecdotes. Well I think there is such a thing. When talking to oneself do you have reasoned well informed exchanges of ideas, or do you just argue with the A-hole? Dr House was having reasoned well thought out conversations with the hallucination of cut-throat Bitch. He even donned a blue tooth so others wouldn’t catch on. I’m pretty worn out from shoveling so I think I’ll head for bed.

I forget exactly how Kryten described his “Double Poloroid”. So I’ll leave you something totally inane.


Not Another Turnip Dream

Actually no, I didn’t have another turnip dream. It was an unusual dream in any case. It was boring. WTF! I had a dream that I got up, went to work and had an uneventful routine day at work. I asked a shrink about dreams once, but I don’t think I mentioned the Turnip Dream. He was of the opinion that they might represent the subconscious trying to work out out some dilemma, or sometimes they can be random and not mean anything.

When you consider the commute, the time at work, etc, the average person spends the majority of their time in work related activities. I have frequently commented to coworkers that the difference between a job and a career is what would you do if you won the lottery. Most people would not opt for spending the rest of their life veging in front of the TV {or on-line blogging}, they would want something to occupy their time. That something is a career or profession. Profession in the sense of something you profess whether you charge money or not. The pictures I use here reflect what I would do. The one was taken while I was a physics major at the University of Northern Iowa and shows me adjusting items on a holography table, the other is me receiving the Governor’s Volunteer Award in 88 when I recorded books on tape for the Iowa Dept. for the Blind.

I know, I know, my tangents intersect the point I was making then proceed to infinity never intersecting again, that’s why it’s a TANGENT. The Dept always needed people to read math books, they tend to not have much of a plot, they’re boring, they have unusual words that not many people know. Geometry texts sometimes have a plot {so do cemeteries}.

There have been times when I’ve had a dream where I wake up, and it’s 1985 or 1986 and I’m still in the Army and the intervening years were a dream {probably my subconscious taking a theme from Dallas}. Thankfully it’s been quite a while since I’ve had one of those. I’m a sleepwalker too. The first time I knew I had been sleepwalking {as an adult} was while I was in Basic Training at Ft Bliss. I woke up while I was doing push-ups, my arms got tired. I became aware, but didn’t know why I was doing push-ups. I stopped at full extension, and a Drill Sergeant started yelling at me “Did I tell you to stop! Keep going!” Later I found out from my bunk-mate what I had done {I had thought my padlock on my locker was locked but it was stuck not locked}. I also talk and eat in my sleep. One time I dozed off on the couch, my wife and son were going somewhere so they went to wake me up. Apparently at first I said, “Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m busy.” They nudged me again and said you’re not busy c’mon. I said, “I’m cooking hamburgers. I’ll let you know when they’re done.” At which point they started laughing and that woke me up. There was also one time when I woke up with dried blood all over my face. That was a little freaky. After I washed it off I found a small cut towards the front of my scalp. They bleed like crazy. Then I walked around the house looking for blood on the floor to see if I could figure out what happened. I found a spot on the upper landing where the height would’ve been right if I missed a step. My wife didn’t freak out as much as I would’ve expected, {maybe she freaked before waking me and I just didn’t realize it}. The next day at work some of my coworkers noticed the cut. After I told them about falling while sleep walking they commented bet that woke you up. Actually no it didn’t.

And that takes me back to my coworkers. A couple of weeks ago stories were going around about one coworker putting a profile on a swinger site. In terms of that I did mention to a few coworkers that what she and her husband do at home is their business. Besides for someone to find that profile means they had to be perusing that site too. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks, and if they get their rocks off everybody can see. In her profile she mentions being kinky and non-judgmental, it does make me wonder how she would define kinky if she were to read some of the posts here. It also makes me wonder how judgmental she thinks the people at work are. I would probably not mention that to her because I really don’t know her very well. And she works a different shift so I never see her. I used to see her once in a while. One of those times I was getting ready to lock the gates, and without thinking I asked her if she preferred the front way or the back way. She looked at me and said, “I beg your pardon.” Then I realized how I had said it so I rephrased it, “I’m getting ready to lock the gates. Do you prefer to leave through the front gate or the back gate?” Then she smiled.

Tangentially, my great-niece posted something cute on FB. It was supposedly from a teacher. “Yes, I can tell when you’re texting. Most people don’t stare at their crotch and then smile.”

I replied, “Some people might.”

Now to see if I can figure out how to link to an earlier post.


I think it worked.

Does Aural Sex Lead to Hearing Aids?

I suppose if one likes phone sex it would be a good idea to have an aid in hearing such as a speaker phone or headset, hands free devices you know.

I wonder if the operator checks the caller I.D. to see if they are of age?

When the daughter of one of my coworkers was 18 or 19, she came into the office. She was very busty and proud of them. I heard someone refer to them as “Telephone Tits”. They try to reach out and touch someone. Good Ol’ Ma Bell had a good slogan there.

Maybe you want to send something in a plain brown wrapper to someone.

It amazes me how many of these there are.


When April Showers …. She Never Closes the Curtain

An old joke immortalized by Spike Jones and it is fitting for April Fool’s Day. And what fools are we. I still enjoy the comics. Get Fuzzy had a series where Satchel confused the Beatles with Russian leaders. He was listening to John Lenin. He asked Rob about Ringo Stalin. The strip Pickles had a Sunday strip with Opal asking her daughter if she had seen her thong. The daughter was shocked, “You have a thong?” “Yes I like to wear them on the beach”. Silvia says, “Mother I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked.” I don’t remember how it’s revealed but Silvia figures out that Opal is talking about flip-flops and shows her a Victoria’s Secret catalog featuring a thong. Calvin and Hobbes has been a favorite for years. In one strip Calvin is wondering why he should have to go to school, Hobbes offers the following aphorism, “Until you can stalk and over-run, you cannot devour anyone.”

Probably the most quoted comic strip line is from Pogo. I’ll quote Wiki quoting Pogo.

Probably the most famous Pogo quotation is “We have met the enemy and he is us.” Perhaps more than any other words written by Kelly, it perfectly sums up his attitude towards the foibles of mankind and the nature of the human condition.

The quote was a parody of a message sent in 1813 from U.S. Navy Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry to Army General William Henry Harrison after his victory in the Battle of Lake Erie, stating, “We have met the enemy, and they are ours.” It first appeared in a lengthier form in “A Word to the Fore”, the foreword of the book The Pogo Papers, first published in 1953. Since the strips reprinted in Papers included the first appearances of Mole and Simple J. Malarkey, beginning Kelly’s attacks on McCarthyism, Kelly used the foreword to defend his actions:
“ Traces of nobility, gentleness and courage persist in all people, do what we will to stamp out the trend. So, too, do those characteristics which are ugly. It is just unfortunate that in the clumsy hands of a cartoonist all traits become ridiculous, leading to a certain amount of self-conscious expostulation and the desire to join battle. There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tinny blasts on tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us. Forward! ”

—Walt Kelly, June 1953


And that brings up a good point. The other day at work there was gossip going around about a fellow employee having a profile on a swingers site. Juicy gossip huh? The person that told me that bit of gossip told me which site and told me that that person had claimed to be none judgmental. I pointed out that whoever found the profile probably found it by accident while they were perusing the site. I didn’t volunteer that I also have a profile there. I was more forceful than usual in defending a person’s right to do what they want away from the workplace. But I did feel the twinge of hypocrisy. For the most part I enjoy gossip, unless it’s vindictive or mean. If others can laugh at me, I can laugh at them and we all enjoy life a bit more. And I confess, after he told me where her profile was I did look to see if she showed any skin. She did show her face, but she didn’t show her boobs. She has big ones too. I do my best to be non-judgmental. And I do have an open mind about quite a lot. If it doesn’t hurt anybody, and there is consent all around, why should others get bent out of shape about it. I’ve noticed politicians are becoming much more openly accepting of at least certain alternative lifestyles. Some of those aspects have been neglected for far too long. If you designate someone as having durable power of attorney for medical decisions, your choice should be honored. That is not always the case. Even in traditional marriages disputes between a spouse and in-laws can get real nasty, as in Terry Schiavo. If that had been a homosexual couple that had been committed to one another for fifty years, the courts would’ve still sided with the family {even with the presence of a living will and designated power of attorney}. Your ability to make contracts shouldn’t have anything to do with your preferred sexual practices, with the exceptions for illegal activities such as pedophilia and bestiality.

Tall in the saddle? No, it’s just a high horse. Maybe the horse was in Colorado after pot became legal?

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt there was a cop banging on my front door in the middle of the night. When I opened the door he mistook me for my oldest son and tried to arrest me. He didn’t even believe my drivers license. He thought it was a fake. I really don’t know what triggered the dream, but it was actually similar to what happened to me in 84. The cop came during the day, but he did mistake me for my roommate and I had to show him my DL to prove I wasn’t who they wanted. That was right before the Malaysians moved in.


Spoiler Alert — Zymurgy

I don’t read nearly as much as I used to. I was a bit odd in my reading choices too. I never seem to be even about such things. When I took two humanities courses in college I had already read most of the books. I found that stuff interesting. The names were challenging though. And there have been movies made based on several of those books. The Iliad and Odyssey were adventure stories. Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, Moby Dick, all good books, and supposedly they burn at Farenheit451. Unusual pathways develop in the brain though. Now when I think of Moby Dick I get a mental picture of one of Furball’s cab customers in a porno. Maybe Menelaus gets Helen in that porno, the name sounds like it. Did Orestes get arrested? Did Tolstoi tell a story? If you get an abridged version of the Iliad, do they scrub the part about Ajax? You can get Trojans at the drug store, where do you get Achaeans? I never made it through Don Quixote. For me it was like read 100 pages, laugh hysterically at the next five, read 100 pages, laugh hysterically at the next five, etc, such is the life of a Knight Errant. Candide lived in the Best Of All Possible Worlds, and even though I haven’t seen it the mind pictures Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets.

There is a small galaxy next to the Milky Way that is called Snickers. I’ve heard that the moon named Charon was named by an astronomer who’s wife’s name was Sharon {probably apocryphal and just an urban myth}. The Milky Way was named because it supposedly looked like the milk of Hera. Sometimes I wonder what human milk tastes like. I was breast fed, but it was such a long time ago and I don’t remember it. I do remember a coworker who used a breast pump at work when her child was very young. I never saw her use it, but I remember an extension cord going from the drinking fountain into the ladies room. She had really pretty blue eyes that no one ever looked at because of her great tits. All the women in her family were really hot. When I first started using Facebook, one of her sisters was someone I sent a friend invite to early on. She replied to my e-mail, “Do I know you?” She used to be a coworker too, and I described where and when she would’ve known me. It had been a few years, but she remembered me then.

Those coworkers were probably at least partly Scandinavian. While watching the women’s curling on the Olympics, I noticed the one team looked like blond blue-eyed sisters. That’s what those coworkers look like only with bigger tits. The Ring Trilogy is an 18 hour long opera, PBS aired it on Evening at the Met over the course of three days. Ride of the Valkyries is one of the times when the fat lady sings, but it isn’t over then. While I was in college a friend had some noisy neighbors, so fairly early one Sunday we took his speakers outside and played Ride of the Valkyries quite loudly. Before noon is early to a college student.

Before noon is even earlier to me now. I’ve worked nights almost my entire adulthood. When I graduated, I had applied to be a telescope operator at some of the observatories. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t get those jobs. I found out in the Army that I don’t like mountains. They never had us run AROUND the mountain. It was always up or down.

Happy St Pat’s, I’m off to cook some cabbage.

The title is from a comic strip called Robotman. R-man is reading when Gary walks up and asks him what he’s reading, it’s a dictionary. The plots a bit thin, but he’s wondering how it will end. Gary looks at the last page and says “Zymurgy”. In another part, R-mans friends are coming to visit, and they need directions. R-man hands the phone to Mr Milde. He says, “Do you know where the Cheese King on the corner is? Uh-huh, okay, hey, we’re the third planet from the sun right?” That strip had some good moments.

A Galaxy far far away, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anticenter_shell


Round and Round

It’s been unusual at work lately.

He was a truck driver that dropped off stuff in the morning. He died in the bathroom at our office. It took awhile to get the steel door open, the bathroom door deadbolt doesn’t open with the key.


At least she got a few years of retirement. My dad was a Letter Carrier and he managed to get 9 years of retirement.


I like Mike. He was easy going and had a good sense of humor.

Sometimes people end up bleeding when they die. Harley hit his nose when he fell. At least this time I didn’t have to clean up the blood. I have had to clean it up when people have been injured. At least dying at work spares your family of the trauma of finding you. Dying quickly doesn’t give your family time to say goodbye. Dying slowly makes your family watch you deteriorate.


WGAS, DILLIGAF, and The Wicked Witch of the East

A while back I wrote a post complaining about managers and supervisors that don’t want to deal with things. I’m not in management, I don’t supervise anyone, so I get to bitch. Right?

Almost anytime someone has asked me to do a task that isn’t my job, but isn’t likely to get me in trouble, I’ll help. I’m in maintenance, so my work area could be anywhere in the facility or grounds. You want me to do something that affects the other shifts, nah why don’t you go through channels to get approval. I don’t want anybody jumping down my throat because I did something without a work order. You misplace something and ask me to keep an eye out for it, sure no problem. Today I was reminded of Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Oh, you fucking misplaced something. No, I’m not in charge of the fucking lost and found. No we don’t even HAVE a fucking lost and found anymore. Oh, you fucking lost something last month too?

Who Gives A Shit, Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck, and do you need a house to fall on you to help you keep track of your stuff? Moron, you lost your wedding ring 3 years ago and I found that and returned it. I’m not going to keep your fucking coffee cup. I overheard him say he was going to retire in 11 months, GOOD! I hope he can find his house.

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My!
Idiots Assholes and Jerks Oh My!

Okay, my rant is over. I feel better now.

And this concerns me how?

I have heard that phrase from members of management many times over the years, more frequently lately. It really pisses me off. Why do you want to be in management if “It’s not your problem.”

You might have noticed that I put this in some unusual categories.
Telemachus was the son of Odysseus. He was too young to go to the Trojan War. He stayed home with mom and complained while “suitors” filled up his father’s house. He didn’t DO anything about it until his father came home. That’s real leadership.

Pythagorus was a great mathematician and musician. He was very knowledgeable, but had the view that knowledge was sacred. It had to be kept secret. Doesn’t great leadership involve not letting people know what plans are in place, and what is the timetable for changes.

Olden times, Yeah, I feel olden more and more.

Happy Thanksgiving All!