Tag Archives: bathroom humor

A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be A Petite Bertha

About a year ago I wrote a post titled A Rose By Any Other Name. I had forgotten about that. This one’s different.

I have never met anyone named Bertha. Names tend to fluctuate in popularity, and some names stay relatively common. Biblical names stay popular, at least some of them. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are all common in English speaking countries, although I don’t hear them used for Middle Easterners often. In the Army I met Justin Case, Officer Candidate James T. Kirk, and others. Since this was the Army I’m guessing Jim never made it past Captain.

That was the Army. There have been artillery guns named Bertha, Big Bertha. Maybe that’s part of why the name isn’t common. I have known a few women named Beatrice. All but one went by Bea. There was one Trixie though. I dated her Aunt, and the aunt’s name was NOT Bea. I don’t recall knowing any Gertrudes. Trudy would not be a bad name. I can picture an attractive Trudy. My mom named all of her cars Gertie. That’s not really the prettiest name, but it does have some possibilities. Dirty Gertie might be fun loving.

I am a Frank Zappa fan. Moon Unit and Dweezil would not be my first choices for kid’s names. I remember looking in music stores for Zappa stuff. They used to engrave it on these vinyl disks, or on plastic ribbons with magnetic materials. One day I noticed a placard that said “Bobby Brown.” I looked at the placard and thought, “Why would they have a whole category for one song?” I went over and started flipping through CDs. Then it hit me. THE ARTIST WAS CALLED BOBBY BROWN! That immediately made me smile. I also wondered if anyone had sent him Frank’s song titled Bobby Brown. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s-wzTRwJMg

Titles sometimes pop into my head, then I try to think of posts to go with them. Not true this time. I was going to title this one, “Inter-racial Lolita Lesbian Sex Between Midgets and Amazons.” The rest of the post would have been the same, but would have ended with me quoting my old blog from the other place. I wrote the following at 3AM 5-9-2006. ” I saw something unusual today. There were a pair of pigeons mating in the rafters. There was a small bird perched a few feet away watching them. It was clearly a different species. There it stood enjoying the view as the pigeons flapped and made noise and generally enjoyed themselves. As the pigeons reached a crescendo, the small bird flew to their nest took some nesting material and flew away. The pigeons settled down for a rest. It didn’t last long, soon they were at it again. Once again their audience showed up. The little bird watched till things reached a frenzy, then took some more nesting material. This scene repeated itself a total of four times.

I guess it shows that you should be careful who you let watch.”

I titled it, The Voyeur Bird. I suppose I could have called it Inter-species Lesbian etc.

Was That Your Bidet? No

No it was my B-day as in birthday. I’m 52 now, just like a deck of cards. Only there are a couple of jokers so it can’t be a full deck. A pinochle deck only has 48 cards. What can you expect, they named the game after some unusual watersports fetish, of course you’re not playing with a full deck. And don’t even bring up one-eyed jacks. You keep them under the table and out of sight. Discretion.

Discretion means discrete quanta. Whatever it is it comes in individual clumps not smooth continuity. Yeah, people are like that. You can always tell where one person ends and another begins. The less discrete they are the easier it is to tell.

Sort of.

Took some time off from work, so it’s been fun not plowing snow, although I do still have to do my own sidewalk and driveway. And it has definitely been cold too. My sleep is still on my work schedule, even so, I should try to get to bed earlier. This is probably my shortest post. I’m still alive and a little older.

Is that a Bigfoot doing the Hustle? {just justifying the tags, it doesn’t mean anything}

WHY, why did you do that?

Occupation? Stand up philosopher.

Ah, a bullshitter.

From Mel Brooks History of the World.

People tend to think of philosophers as esoteric eggheads with no connection to reality. Their answer would probably be that’s because reality is an illusion. Philosophy has everything to do with pretty much all of life. What you do depends on what you think. For instance, Gilligan’s Island, if you are preparing for/hoping for rescue you build signal fires. If you are resigned to being there forever you work to make life there more comfortable.

I’ve been watching Dexter in what little free time I’ve been having lately. I’m into season 7 now. Without trying to give away the storyline Dexter has been doing more explaining of why he does what he does. It reminds me of conversations I’ve had with people that just don’t seem to get my point. My point being, you can’t force people to think or feel a particular way. You can certainly try. You might succeed most of the time. Dante knew what I was getting at. He had Epicurus condemned to roasting in a bronze cauldron in Hell. Epicurus didn’t believe/realize this. Crime and punishment get tricky if you set goals that might not be achievable. If you send a criminal to a penitentiary that doesn’t mean they will be penitent. A reformatory might not reform them. The language used reflects a goal other than revenge. I don’t recall reading much about vigilantes holding vigils either. Dexter talks of his dark passenger and refers to himself as a monster. He understands other monsters. It helps him capture them. He enjoys the kill. Our justice system has kind of a split personality. We try to execute humanely. Why? What is the goal? What are we trying to achieve when we lock someone away? If the goal is the general welfare of society as a whole then it doesn’t matter what the convict thinks or feels. It matters that he/she won’t have the opportunity to hurt others. If the goal is punishment, if the goal is to make them hurt for what they did, then you cede control to them. You can’t force them to feel regret and compassion for others. You can kill them, but you can’t read their mind. You could torture them with the exact same methods they used on their victims, but their thoughts are their own. You could try brainwashing a la “A Clockwork Orange”. That worked really well didn’t it? Malcolm McDowell was certainly creepy in that movie. In real life a murderer named T-bone Taylor is serving a life sentence for killing two cops. A reporter interviewed him a few years into his sentence. He told the reporter how much he loved prison life. The reporter quoted him and there were letters to the editor about how this guy needed to be made miserable. He needed to suffer. He played the reporter for a fool and I’m sure he enjoyed those angry letters. If he causes you to want to torture him, isn’t that his sickness spreading? Cruelty and violence are contagious diseases. Is lethal injection an inoculation?

On Dexter the character Deb is thinner than what I consider to be sexy. Maria has a nice full figure. Rita struck me as being just too flaky. I did like Lila, but the English accent is a bit of a turn on for me {and I loved that line, “Pardon my tits”}. They do show a fair amount of nudity, always a plus.

One final thought on why did you do this. I wouldn’t do this.

wild

Real Life is so Annoying,

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. It’s been a month according to the date on my last post. I’ve posted about various things on Facebook in that time. Real life intrudes and doesn’t leave a lot of time for fooling around. Pity, I really like fooling around. Somehow or other I found this article while reading FB friends. http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-hilarious-things-i-learned-about-orgies-by-going-to-one_p2/?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Sex&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module

Actually that is page two of the article, so what it still works. I have made it to the other place to read Furbal’s blog there.

Work is one of those annoyances I have to deal with at least until I can retire. They’ve fired several people lately. Mostly temps but a couple of career people too. That’s very unusual. I could expound on that but you might think I work in the looney bin. You wouldn’t be far off.

One of my bookmark folders is “Blog Subjects.” I need to delete subjects I’ve already wrote about, but the list keeps growing and growing.

http://www.ohgizmo.com/2009/01/12/toilet-seat-scale-tells-you-how-much-weight-is-lost-after-you-take-a-dump/

Wow, where do you go after that? Maybe Greg and Lou have an idea? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDABsomwj3c

It’s Greg’s B-day today. I’ll have to drop him a line.

Wild

AAAGH! You Stupid Idiot! Why Did You Do That?!

Nothing to worry about. It’s just a bit of self-abuse. I’ll have make-up sex with myself later.

I was going through my checkbook the other day, and I noticed that I didn’t have a check for house insurance recently in the register. That’s odd I thought. I went and looked through the duplicates. Nope not their either. So I called my Ins. Agent. The agent called the company and they said they sent me a bill Apr 22. I looked some more, didn’t find it. Got home from work looked some more still, and still didn’t find it. Now I vaguely remembered seeing it though. Getting close to bedtime, I look to see how my supply of blank checks is. Low and behold there is the bill in with the blank checks. I think I must’ve thought that I would use up the pad in my checkbook and find the bill when I refilled it. Stupid mistake that was bugging me for two days. I hate it when I leave something in a special spot knowing that I couldn’t possibly forget about it, and then do.

Never really had a good grasp on make up sex, Fuck the Mascara, Fuck the foundation, Rouge is a cool name but I wouldn’t go on about it til I’m red in the face. Lipstick just sounds soo dirty.

Hustler magazine was the first one to “Show Pink.” Kinda gives new meaning to being in the Pink. I could speculate about a speculum, I don’t know how to specu-early though. We could have a Pabst Beer and talk about it.

Wild

Bipolar, Kodiak Moments

Hm, let’s parse this out. Bi {I think I can figure this one out} Pole {could be a Polish person, could be a Polish person’s package, or maybe just a package} R { Are what? Bi ?!? seems redundant, have to get back to it later} Kodiak {Bear, big bear, I think it’s getting clearer. Big Bare Polish Person’s Package, and Bi, meaning two, two big bare Polish Persons’ Packages}.

Okay, who had the giggity three-way with the Eskimo and the Penguin?

Were there Polaroids involved? {That happens when your hemorrhoids get frostbite.}

This clip is from Youtube, I do have a CD with Penguin in Bondage on it. I haven’t played any of my CDs in ages. I remember it as being an instrumental about 12 minutes long. This clip was considerably shorter and had some lyrics too. Memory must be going…..What was I saying? Oh yeah, the price of memory chips is a lot less than it used to be.

Wild

What? That wasn’t a mistake we planned it that way. Oh, and ALL ABOARD! NEXT STOP CHICAGO!

If you remember the Carol Burnett Show, you know Harvey Korman would always crack up in scenes with Tim Conway.

Well, there are a couple of guys called Greg and Lou that are a lot of fun to watch. Quite often you have no idea where they’re going for the punch line. Obviously if you already know the line it might be tough to say it with an appropriate expression. Then the director makes you do it over and over until you get it right. This means that the directors and producers have lots of stuff to use for blooper clips.

Change in plan. I’ve tried different ways to get it to link to “Thieves – Outtakes” it just refuses to do it. It links to the first episode. I’ll leave it that way and after the vid it’ll have links to the others. The blooper one is good, but I’m kinda biased.

If you haven’t passed out from laughing, then I have another. I had contemplated naming the post, Edible Shit and other things, but I decided not to. Get your recipe books handy, and no it’s not real shit.

Anytime I hear or read “Bat-shit crazy” my mind immediately jumps to that video.
The last video is not Frank Zappa. It is Dweezil Zappa singing the song his dad wrote.

Interestingly when I started blogging at the other place I used the song title as the title for my post. I was new to social networking, at least the way it works now. I didn’t realize the ins and outs of posting things. I used the title I don’t remember if I posted the lyrics. That post was the first time CoffeeNoCream came to my blog. She owns a coffee shop in Amsterdam. Very interesting person, good sense of humor. Humor is very important to me. Another curious point, my wife came in while I was writing that post. She looked over my shoulder and asked, Are you going to Chicago? No dear that’s just the title of a song. Hope you enjoyed it.
Wild

Kay Eye Ess Ess Eye Inn Gee

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

I don’t know what made me think of that. In grade school that was one of the taunts kids would say to one another. In real life how often does it actually work that simply? And my friend AB would say, “Kissing is personal.” I think that’s one of the reasons I like it so well.

That video doesn’t have any kissing, but it IS hilarious.

Richard’s Photograph and Unexpecting the Unexpected

These guys are hilarious. Sometimes they make a series of skits on a theme. In this case the theme is “The Attendants”. There are various adult sites where the guys like to annoy the gals. And actually when they use it as a profile pic they annoy pretty much everyone. Makes you feel like saying What a dick.

And who knows, if you give them the time of day you might find yourself in this situation. Ha, yeah right.

Wild