Category Archives: Humor

I laughed, or smiled

Val, In Tines, Could Be Hairy, Could be Harry

Could be a theme for a horror movie.

Could be a theme for a whorer movie.

A hirsute pursuit for hair pie leads to a forking. Bird nest soup would need a spoon. Hair pi is irrational and would require squaring the circle jerk to make bukakke noodles.

Notice the redirect, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trout_Mask_Replica
That would be “Bake 1”.
This link isn’t showing that it was a redirect from “Hair Pie – Bake 1”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edible_bird’s_nest

The irrational need disambiguation. Cold Udon might not be what you’re looking for.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udon#Cold

Hopefully the tines didn’t go too deep and Val had a good day.

And what about Harry?

The Trouble With Harry is a movie with Shirley MacLaine.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048750/?ref_=nv_sr_1


Wild

Vanilla?, No, Chocolate? Maybe Neapolitan? Chunky Monkey?

I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream.

*****DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER******

Adult themes ahead so there might be adolescent language!

I was discussing the purity test on another site. She asked me, “Am I Vanilla?”

Things that make you go hmm. Vanilla ice cream is an excellent go with. Chocolate ice cream has those flavonoids that are so delightful. Neapolitan is the dairy version of a threesome.

Chunky Monkey. Wow, where to go with that. The mind reels. I once saw a lesbian clip titled “Bumping Monkeys”. That was one clip using that unusual euphemism. Try saying, or typing, unusual euphemism three times.

I have heard the word monkey used as a racial slur. I don’t use it as a racial slur. Slurring your racial comments makes one sound like a drunk bigot.

Chunky monkey ice cream is banana ice cream with walnuts. A *Looong banana*, and it has nuts at one end. The cream is deliciously sweet. It *might* have a cherry on top, N’est pas.

I saw a documentary about ice cream and sno-cones. In Hawaii there’s a place that offers to put chili beans at the bottom of your snowcone. Morimoto did that on Iron Chef also.

Some people ask to be eaten and then get mad when you chew.

Zappa de-do-da

Wild

Yeah, I’m pretty vanilla.

Survival In The Land Of Milk And Honey

Not an ideal location for the lactose intolerant and for those highly sensitive to bee stings to find themselves in.

Do you have a job or a career? If you win the lottery you quit a job and find a career. How many people really want to vegetate in front of a TV until they die? You have to have something to do or life simply becomes waiting to die.

There are people waiting to die.

What is your purpose? Do you want to help people? Do you want to hurt the people that deserve it? Going to Heaven would be nice, but would you rather actually be a demon punishing sinners in Hell because they’re sinners? Or maybe you would just want to strut because you’re better than them and you want them to know it? Maybe just having a comfortable life with the people you’re close to would be good enough. A lot of people could be happy with that.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/bluesky/hub/ct-inc-gravity-payments-70000-minimum-wage-20151113-story.html

But everyone couldn’t be happy with that. Striving to get what they don’t have is all that will make some people happy. And some people are only happy if they are unhappy. There are a few that are only happy when they see others unhappy. That last group is the one to worry about. I suspect they are a very small percentage, but their effect is far beyond their numbers.

Back in 1988 I heard this song incessantly on the radio at work. The don’t play the radio at work anymore. I’m happy.

I had never actually seen the video until I posted this. It amuses me.

Wild

Imaginary Friends And Fantasy Lovers

Initially one might think imaginary friends are good. T.S.Eliot and R.L.Stevenson come to mind. However not all authors are immediately recognized by their initials. My favorite humorist was (or is, depending on whether you consider the subject of this sentence to be the individual, ie past tense, or if the subject is “My favorite” ergo present tense. And getting presence/presents can be tense. Just ask paranormal explorers) J.K.J.. I mean Jerome Klapka Jerome. He wrote “Three Men In A Boat.” It was hilarious, and I would never have discovered it had it not been for the arrogance of Robert Graves. I became enamored of Robert Graves after watching the Masterpiece Theatre version of I, Claudius. Then I read the book. It was even better. I became convinced that it was far better to see dramatic performances before reading the book. The book is ALWAYS better. Therefor seeing the performance after the book is a letdown. Reading the book after viewing is a wonderful expansion. I started reading whatever I could find by Robert Graves. Up until I read The Antigua Stamp. I viewed it as a battle between two evils. One was an exceptionally clever evil person, the other was an idiot. My sympathies went to the idiot. “Bless his heart, he just didn’t know any better.” Well, yes he did. He just wasn’t very good at being evil. Mr Graves mocked JKJ in that story. So I read Three Men In A Boat, to say nothing of the dog. It was written in 1889.

You might ask how that all relates to imaginary friends? A great author becomes like a friend you enjoy listening to. If they are dead that means they must be imaginary. That is, unless you are one of those paranormal explorers.

Unless you go to the Dark Side, there you might only IMAGINE that they are friends. They could be plotting your downfall. Or at least your extreme embarrassment. That could be called the “Drama Club”.

Fantasy Lovers. That is very subjective. As in, what is the subject of that sentence. Is that about people who love fantasies, or is it about people who have fantasies about lovers?

Go ahead and regale me with tales of tail.

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My but There Are A Lot Of Nudists on Earth

The percentages go WAY down if you limit consideration to just humans.

The only other species I can think of would be hermit-crabs. They don’t grow their own shell but use the shells of others.

When one considers the drive to mate it seems really odd that humans would consider covering up with adornments as sexy.

Some animals use materials to help cool off or to prevent parasites from digging in, but can you imagine a hippo or elephant asking, “Does this mud make me look fat?”

Yes, humans are strange. bukkakeru is a method of cooking noodles by splashing water on them. Similar words have fewer carbs than pasta. In watching Japanese films with subtitles I have noticed that I would tend to mispronounce names. “X Games”, “Cold Fish”, “Grudge”, and some others come to mind. I had been pronouncing bukkake as boo-cocky. In some films I had heard it pronounced buck-ka-kay. Wiki actually lists both pronunciations, but the audio clip uses something closer to the former. It depends on how you stress and separate the syllables. How stressful can it be to make noodles?

I’m not going to link to anything here. You have to find it for yourself.

Wild

It’s a Good Day To Die

That’s a quote from Dustin Hoffman in “Little Big Man”. But I like it. I like it a lot and it should be a Native American quote.

First of all, there is nobody from 150 or more years ago alive. They’re all dead Dave. What does a life matter if you’re just going to end up dead in the end anyway?

VERY Very good question, I don’t have an answer. All I can really offer is the generalization that sooner or later we all die. So, what really matters?

That IS a fair question. I call myself a Liberal. That’s what I call myself. Other people don’t necessarily agree. Basically, I’m pro death. Death penalty, well they will never be able to do it again and eventually they would have died anyway. Abortion, die now or later. Right to die, maybe I should blow your brains out if you want to stop me from blowing mine out. The one thing we have in common EVEN MORE THAN TAXES is death. I had an uncle that spent 10 years in a bed. I’d rather have a bullet. He was a good Catholic though. He couldn’t do that.

Who will remember me. Who have I had some impact on. More importantly, who have I had a net positive influence on.

Who have I had a negative impact on? Are there any assholes that I have truly succeeded in annoying?

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I am not wishing to die. I am wishing that the quote was a real native American quote.

Donald Trump accuses Megan Kelly of menstruating.

Blood WILL be shed. I love being a liberal.

Wild

I Attempted to Make a Bung Wrench. I Failed

Bung wrenches open bung holes. They are not medical devices. That is not speculation. That would just be speculums.

Ba-bum! drumbeat there

Opening drums is done by removing the bung from the bung hole. That is not always easy without a bung wrench. Now I wasn’t opening any drums the other day, but I was working on a Major Fawcett problem. My kitchen faucet was dripping and I decided to fix it. I’ll quote what I posted on Facebook.

Worked on a project today. My kitchen faucet has been dripping for awhile. If it’s not much it isn’t a big deal in Iowa. It just makes it that much less likely your pipes will freeze. The drip rate recently got worse and I decided to replace it. *I* had installed the current faucet myself 20 years and 6 weeks ago. Yes I know that. I’m kind of anal about record keeping. I looked at it. I went to Blains and bought a new one. Looking at it I remembered thinking that it would be a good idea to spend a little more and get a more solidly made one with more brass and less plastic. Today my thought was, the major part of this project will be getting the old faucet out. After that I should be able to install, clean it up and leak check in about a half an hour. I was absolutely right. The first three hours consisted of laying on my back in a mixture of windex, Mr Clean, floor soap, interspersed with holding tools in contorted positions with water, rust, lime scale, and tools falling on my head. The last half hour was installing and cleaning. The extra money I had spent on brass had ended up going for corrosion instead. That was one tough faucet to get out. I really don’t plan on living long enough to have to do it again. By then it would kill me if I wasn’t already dead.

So, what does that have to do with bung wrenches? The locking nuts on the bottom of the faucet had a shape that reminded me of bungs I had removed from barrels of other stuff. I don’t own my own bung wrench. I tried to cobble something that looked like a bung wrench. It did look right. But it was not strong enough.

I finished the job without having to fix any new leaks, no leaks runs or errors!

The next day my arms were sore any time I put my arms up over me. So I didn’t keep doing that. Some people put their arms up quite a lot. Some people are into BD/SM too. Not me though, it’s just not my thing. I have read about it and talked to a few people that were into it. I am into reading and talking. In the mid 70’s Club magazine had so-so pictorials but really weird articles. It provided a drastic stark difference between the people that said “I read it for the articles” and the people who ACTUALLY did read it for the articles. It was amusing to ask the former group if they had read Karl Steiner’s column. It didn’t matter which answer they gave I would ask them, “Well what’s his column about in that issue?” I almost always enjoyed that gag.

Karl Steiner is a very common name. I had trouble finding any references to quote. The following sites include the table of contents for various issues. Beyond that I don’t know much about them. On some pictures you can also read the cover headlines.

http://www.myerscollectibles.com/store/item/1d0vp/Mens_Magazines/Club_Magazine_Vol_1_1_February_1975.html

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197603.htm

http://www.magizine.org/CLUBmagCLUB197606.htm

Wild

Informed Consent – Inn Formed, Con Sent

Could be a slogan for a prison run vacation business. Prisoners do get visitors. Perhaps those visitors would benefit from a nearby hotel. Unless you want to get Hostel about it. The people getting out might need an inn. I mean, it could end up as an in tents experience. That could be likely. You always hear about how prisoners hate Inn Formers. But they must really like Nicaraguan music. Contra Bands are very popular. I wonder if Cell Blocks will block cancer cells?