Monthly Archives: May 2013

Fingers Sticky? Maybe You Should Wash Your Hands After Getting a Sticky Post

I was born long long ago in a galaxy far far away, but I don’t remember that day. I was raised in a convent. The Mother Superior was Nun Yabizness. I called her Nessie or Nessie of the flowing locks, and she was very pleasing in a saurus kind of way. Old habits die hard ya know.

You can’t believe everything you read on the internet. The preceding was a lie. The proceeding might be.

It is better to remain silent and be thought an idiot, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Okay, about me, I’m the youngest of six kids. I started college at 16 and got my BA in physics from the University of Northern Iowa. I figured out that rocket science is hard, so I don’t do that for a living. The picture that shows me with two other people is from a brochure advertising the Physics Dept and is from sometime prior to 1984. The Asian guy was my roommate for about two years, he’s from Malaysia. The other photo shows me receiving a Governor’s Volunteer Award in 1988. I’m from Iowa. I’m versed in ancient computer lingo, id est I learned how to program the old fashioned way. Exempli Gratia, I took a course in Fortran, wrote physics programs in BASIC, read a book on tape in PASCAL, and purchased TurboC++ after I got my first PC. The volunteer award was for the books that I read onto tapes for the Library for the Blind, one of which was a text on PASCAL. Sometimes I miss the old days. The good ol’ days are the ones where you don’t think about the bad, but remember the fun. I can be a smart-ass at times, other times I can be a dumb-ass, according to some I’m an ass of some sort all the time. If I don’t seem rational, remember rational comes from the word ratio which means fractions. Are you good at fractions? If you multiply 1/4 by 2 you get four bits which is fifty cents, and I don’t even like rap. If you multiply 1/5 by 3 you get really plowed unless you have several friends over to help drink them. And yeah, sometimes I plow. If you follow my train of thought you’re either crazy or you’re AB. My posts aren’t always adult oriented, but they often are. And they often involve word play, and puns, and double entendres, I like crosswords, hence the tagline.

Now to see if I can get this sticky, watch out.
Wild

That took a while to find. I had to google it. I wouldn’t have guessed in the visibility tab. It was in visible

MYOB, BYOB, GYNOB?

MYOB, from wiki QUOTE:
In the classic science fiction story …And Then There Were None, Eric Frank Russell shortened “Mind Your Own Business” to “MYOB” or “Myob!”, which was used as a form of civil disobedience on the planet of the libertarian Gands.[5] Russell’s short story, …And Then There Were None, was subsequently incorporated into his 1962 novel The Great Explosion.[dubious – discuss]
END QUOTE

BYOB, bring your own bottle, could be booze, could be anything really.

GYNOB, Woman comes home and finds note on fridge, Someone from the Gyno Colleges called. They said your Pabst Beer was okay. Since when do you drink beer, and why didn’t you share?

Yeah it’s an old joke, but I’m an old jokester.

Deuces Wild, I see your One-Eyed Jack and Raise You a Queen

I follow a few blogs at various, not many, and not as many as I used to. And just because… I don’t think trademarking a common word should be allowed, so I won’t capitalize it and you can’t prove I wasn’t just using a word wit baad grammmur HA!

Okay, I was reading the blog of my friend that I’ve never met and who probably doesn’t like me, and I noticed a rather humorous statement that I simply could NOT let slip by. Paraphrasing what he wrote, he wanted to bed a royal at some point. He would be willing to go down to a Baroness, but he would prefer a Princess or Queen. Now this is on an adult dating site, one that also advertises itself as a swinger site. Get where I’m going? I commented to him that I had complete confidence in his ability to find a Queen there.

He had some other points in his post and I made quips about those too. And this was one of those rare occurrences where he did actually reply to me. But he didn’t reply to the Queen quip. It was said in fun, I’m sure he realizes that. I don’t get the impression that he dislikes me. I think he’s mostly just ambivalent. It is fun to try and get a reaction though. One time he wrote an entire post as a reply to my comments. I commented on that one too.

Time for work, gotta go, maybe I’ll have a hose story to tell.

Wild

AB….CD….EEEEE! ET Enter-Tangentially

I think I’ll give my blog a title finally. I’m going to call it ET Enter Tangentially. But I’ll do that later, hopefully it won’t effect {affect? One is for something impacting you the other is what you do. I can never keep them straight} anybody following me.

AB should be visiting soon. Not in real life unfortunately, but here on my blog. She lost the link awhile back and asked me to send it to her again.

On to other things, but they deserve a post all their own.

Wild

Carmen is an Opera, Karma can be a Bitch

But Karma is only a Bitch if you are. Got that from Facebook. Mentally I had a string of segues occur which ended with me thinking about this civilian working at Ft Benning. I probably wasted a good astronomical postcard, but it may have been worth it. She handled the paperwork for people outprocessing from the Army. I had heard she was a real bitch. In fact, I had never heard anything remotely positive about her. After she got done annoying me and I flew out of GA for the last time, I sent her a postcard. I didn’t sign it or put my address on it {I didn’t have an address at that time anyway.}. I mailed it from O’hare. It was a picture of the Andromeda Galaxy, on the back I wrote, “Wish you were here.” It amused me. It amused the people I’ve told about it. I don’t know if she “Got” it or not.

Opera’s tend to be tragedies, I don’t know much about Carmen. On Family Guy, Brian likes this woman’s aria “Habenera”, I don’t know if that is how you spell it. The word reminds me of Habenero which is a very hot type of pepper. Speaking of hot, Carmen Electra was pretty hot during the show Battlebots.

You don’t see her in that clip, but you can still think about her.

There was a woman that recently came out about what she did during WWII. She was one of 15 food tasters Hitler used. He was a vegan, but he did get the best veggies in Germany. And so did his tasters. People say that Hitler did get along well with children and animals. In the medical drama “House” there is a line in the first season I just love. Cameron is talking with Chase and he asks her if she’s been sleeping with House. She doesn’t answer and Chase makes the comment, “He’s not as bad as Hitler.” Cameron’s response is great, “I don’t sleep with someone just because they aren’t as bad as Hitler.” Priceless.

Not really, I’m sure the writers were paid for that line.

1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,… The Amazing Karnak!

Placing envelope next to turban,
Prediction, I’ve never seen anything quite like that before.

Opens envelope, Things the Dr says that can make you really worry.

The joke was mine, the caricature was Johnny Carson’s. I watched Johnny for a lot of years until Jay took over. One of the things I liked about Johnny was his having Guest Hosts on whenever he went on vacation. It gave you a sample of other styles.

In math class we learned about the Fibonacci numbers. Whoa, non sequitur, how did we get there? The Carson act was called the “Amazing Carnac”, the Fibonacci sequence was used in the contruction of the Temple of Karnak in ancient Egypt. And Queen Nefertiti died from a toothache. There’s a lot of stuff spellcheck didn’t like, but it was okay with Nefertiti. I wonder how it will feel about the lake at the highest elevation on the planet. I like saying this one, it makes me think lascivious thoughts, not like I wouldn’t think this way without added reason. It is Lake Titicaca. I wrote this draft a while back, checking it now I realize I need to be clear. When I think of Titicaca, I think of titty-cock-uh what do you want to do next? Shoo you scat people, except Mr. Cruthers and Ella F..

Wiki says I’m wrong, the sequence is related to the Golden Ratio, but not to the Egyptians. Maybe so, I do sometimes make mistakes.

I’ll probably have a dream about doing Titicaca to Nefertiti now. I’m saving it as a draft, so I’ll let you know.

Nope, didn’t dream about Nefertiti. Do have a toothache now though. Actually not the tooth itself, a chip broke off and a jagged edge is irritating my lip.

I should check Netflix and Hulu, I wonder if Johnny is on either. I miss watching him. I like Jay, I like Jimmy Fallon too, not too crazy about Conan. Used to watch Letterman long ago. Watched his monologue after Palin kicked up a fuss. To me it was obvious that the joke she took offense to was not aimed at her youngest daughter. I would say that in general children should not be targets in political jokes. The difference would be if the candidate is pushing them into the spotlight or if the kid is drawing media attention to themselves. Fair or not, if you launch into a tirade because of a joke, you’re too thin skinned to be a politician. Someone will always cross the line and you might have to deal with that person later, so ignore the jokes unless you can fire back with a snappy comeback. In that sense politics is like junior high, ignore teasing {unless it escalates into bullying, gotta add that for a psa}, unless you have a snappy comeback or unless you want the teasing to get worse. They get bored if they don’t get a reaction. Physically Palin is not bad looking at all, IMO, I don’t care for the voice and I don’t like the politics though. Tina Fey is more appealing to me. Letterman did get Sonny and Cher on though.

This is Karnak,
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=temple+of+karnak&sa=X&biw=986&bih=545&tbm=isch&tbnid=sDQSpeZXqbLsdM:&imgrefurl=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karnak&docid=MyEC4PS9oeZlmM&imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/47/Temple-Karnak.jpg&w=1000&h=500&ei=deGGUYT5O9PK0AHcnoEY&zoom=1&ved=1t:3588,r:0,s:0,i:163&iact=rc&dur=1962&page=1&tbnh=159&tbnw=318&start=0&ndsp=6&tx=142&ty=63

This is Carnac,

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=johnny+carson+carnac+the+magnificent&biw=986&bih=545&tbm=isch&tbnid=ki2-f-TbGtfTXM:&imgrefurl=http://www.newyorkparkingticket.com/Blog/bid/74882/Can-Carnac-Answer-these-NYC-Parking-Ticket-Questions&docid=cSpRm2Uduqf-CM&imgurl=http://www.newyorkparkingticket.com/Portals/41340/images/Carnac%252520the%252520magnificent-fights%252520nyc%252520parking%252520tickets.jpg&w=250&h=250&ei=W-KGUdLuDoXW0gGssoCwCA&zoom=1&ved=1t:3588,r:1,s:0,i:84&iact=rc&dur=6063&page=1&tbnh=184&tbnw=199&start=0&ndsp=9&tx=109&ty=77

Wild

The last two links are photos, not videos or text.

R.I.P. Jack Wild 1952-2006 S&M star from the late 60’s and early 70’s

Actually that sounds like it could be a lot of fun, at least for me.

It was an actual person though. He had some of the same traits as James Best and Michael J. Fox. They all could play people quite a bit younger than they actually were. Jack was in what was probably my favorite show in 1969. I could’ve left the 19 off of there, but if you’re reading my blog you must be a perv too. I wouldn’t want you to misinterpret. He was Jimmy on H.R.Pufnstuf. The same people that wrote Pufnstuf also wrote Lidville. That storyline had a character named Teenie Weenie. I swear I’m not making that up. Teenie Weenie was a Genie. You might wonder where I’m going with that. So would I, if you figure it out let me know.

Sid and Marty Krofft did a bunch of those kind of shows. Sid and Marty, the S&M in the title. I know, that’s cheating. It does make you wonder what they were smoking. Jack was also the Artful Dodger in the movie Oliver!. It’s a good movie if you like comedies about orphans attending pick-pocket school, with some extracurricular lessons in burglary, fencing {as in stolen goods}, spousal abuse, murder, and vigilante justice. Like I said it’s a lighthearted comedy. There was a remake done in South Africa that was a bit unusual. It had subtitles in English, but only when the characters were actually speaking English. They had no subtitles when the characters were speaking whatever language is spoken in SA. I imagine it makes it easier to write English subtitles if they are speaking English. And the child criminals portrayed in the movie, were actual child criminals. They snatched a couple of purses and I can’t help wondering if the victims were acting or if the film could be called a documentary. IMDB is not real clear on that.

I seem to be meandering off topic again. Oookay, Genie with the light brown hair, no no nope, Genie with the Teenie Weenie. Wow, maybe that’s why they hired a woman for that part.

I marveled at how Jack would click his heels in air. I couldn’t do that ever. Now the character of Jimmy was stranded on the island with Witchiepoo after Freddy the flute. So he always had a yellow shirt with brown pants. Here’s a parody of it. Maybe I’ll go stare at an orange for three hours and take a trip across a citrus mountain.

Now the REALLY scary part is these characters remind me of people I know in real life. Especially the Hippie at the end.

Wild

My One Track Mind Derailed Years Ago

The album was different. And it was a real trip with headphones. The real question isn’t whether my train of thought derailed, it’s how big of an area needs to be evacuated or face contamination. My friend with the giant noodle introduced me to philosophers. Yes, UNI has a philosophy department. One of those guys with a philosophy degree would introduce me to new music and concepts, like women’s lib: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yFIuuY1AIc

The noodle guy is Catholic and he introduced me to some Priests, but he also played this song for me:

Well shoot. I’ve spent about an hour looking for a particular song, and I can’t find it. It was by Robin Williamson and contained in the chorus was “Put on your red dress, red as the red geraniums, I’ll hold your hand until your man gets back from the sanitariums.” In one of the verses it had the lyric, “We’ll hire a team of lawyers, hitch ’em to the lights, then stare at the ceiling with feeling.”

The Maharishi people in Fairfield Iowa produced some recordings called holophonics. A friend bought one of their tapes and had me listen to it. It was *unique*. No music and you had to use headphones to get the effect. 3D sound, various normal {eh, you know me} sounds, and then a haircut. So realistic a sound that you can almost FEEL the scissors. Shortly after that was something that had a universal reaction, people would rip the headphones off their heads. You hear a bee buzzing around, it comes annoyingly close, you feel like swatting at it, but it’s just a sound. It isn’t there. Then it LANDS ON YOUR EAR AND CRAWLS INSIDE!!!! Freaky to the MAX. It had a warning on it. It said, Do not listen to this while driving.

You see a bunch of TMs when you search them, but it isn’t trademarks, it’s Transcendental Meditation. It’s late, better go to bed before the sun comes up.

Wild

M’AIDEZ!!! M’AIDEZ!!!

That’s the French for Help Me, Help Me. Anglicized that’s Mayday, Mayday. And then there is May 1st. Sometimes that is the last day of winter. Actually I was told that there is a chance of snow flurries tomorrow night. It won’t amount to anything and it was 83 today. I went out and shoveled sand. Not my favorite activity. The sand accumulates where we had snow piles. When the snow piles are all melted then we have to clean up the sand. I was shoveling it by hand because it was still too wet for the street sweeper and it tends to stick hard when it dries. Our street sweeper is small and the seat does not adjust. It doesn’t come with a seatbelt either, but I think it tops out about 20. I used to drive it quite a bit, not lately though. I don’t fit COMFORTABLY in it. I can squeeze in but it’s rather claustrophobic. There are certain rituals associated with May 1st. It’s supposed to be a good day for an orgy. Of course it is, is there a BAD day for an orgy {yeah wedding anniversary isn’t cool}. And then there is that custom of girls dancing around the Priapus Rex with ribbons. Yep, dancing to ABBA’s Voulez-Vous coucher avec moi ce soir? I like ABBA but really, c’mon. Voulez-vous? That’s either rather formal for asking someone to sleep with you, or you’re asking a group to. To go to bed alone is reflexive, se coucher. Non reflexive is going to bed not alone.

I think you dear reader lucked out. I had planned on sharing more Army stories, and some amusing puke anecdotes. Well I think there is such a thing. When talking to oneself do you have reasoned well informed exchanges of ideas, or do you just argue with the A-hole? Dr House was having reasoned well thought out conversations with the hallucination of cut-throat Bitch. He even donned a blue tooth so others wouldn’t catch on. I’m pretty worn out from shoveling so I think I’ll head for bed.

I forget exactly how Kryten described his “Double Poloroid”. So I’ll leave you something totally inane.

Wild