Don’t Play With Your Food And Remember You Are What You Eat

So eat your chicken livers and lay off the ugli fruit and sour grapes.

I used to have a brother-in-law that owned a farm, he passed away a number of years ago, but I spent some of my summers on the farm. I learned a few things. Cows are really really stupid but they are pretty docile. Chickens and turkeys are also very stupid, ducks are not so docile and at least the domestic ones will attack for almost no reason. The attack is noisy and consists of wing flapping, quacking and pecking. Not all that dangerous but startling enough to intimidate dogs and cats that have never seen it before. Horse sense doesn’t impress me, but a smart ass does. Donkeys are fairly clever. But they have an attitude. In addition to 1984 George Orwell also wrote “Animal Farm.” In it he put the pigs in charge. That part is correct. I think the pigs are the smartest animals on the farm. They also have an attitude, and they’re mean. My BIL only had pigs one year. I think he got fed up with them. That was one summer I was on the farm. He and my sister both worked in town, and I would stay out on the farm and watch the kids. I did a few chore with the animals, I would turn the pumps on to refresh the water in their tanks, I made sure they had food. That was about it. One day the pigs figured out how to get out of their pen. When my BIL got home the pigs were wandering around the farm. We got them back in their pen. The next day they not only got out of their pen, they got into the chickens pen. I was picking up my BIL and sis when they got out. You know how cats will “Play” with a mouse or other small animal, pigs play rough. We got home and there was blood and feathers all over the place. My BIL had a bit of a temper and was cussing up a storm while getting the pigs back in their pen. Then he went and got a chain, wrapped it around the gate and fencepost and used a clip like one on a dog collar to close the chain. There was a chain on the pigpen and another on the chicken coop. The next day as we were putting the pigs back in their pen again, my BIL was really pissed. He went into the tool shed and came out with two combination locks. As he was cussing them out he also told them that if they figured out how to get out with padlocks on the gate they were going to go to market. They didn’t pay him no mind. They didn’t understand English and wouldn’t have cared if they did. It took about three or four days, but we came home to carnage again. I thought the veins in my BIL’s neck were going to explode. No, they didn’t figure out how to unlock the locks. They dug a hole under the gate. My BIL kept his word and they went to market. I think I saw him smile every time we had ham or bacon after that. It was kind of like winning an argument and having the last word. HA! I Win! You’re Food! One of the hazards of playing with your food is that it might be smarter.

That happened when I was 16. I remember it like yesterday.

Wild

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9 thoughts on “Don’t Play With Your Food And Remember You Are What You Eat

    1. wildoats1962 Post author

      I have a really good memory. My memories go back to age 3. I’m 50 now. I don’t remember every single day. But I usually get the big events right. I remember some of the bigger news events back to the 68 Democratic Convention {There was a riot}

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  1. Mrs Fever

    As soon as I read the part about your BIL getting ‘fed up’ with them, I was waiting for the punchline…

    And, as it turns out, he did indeed get ‘fed up’ with them. 😉

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    1. wildoats1962 Post author

      I suppose some would think I’ve developed a curious philosophy about food. Cows, chickens, and turkeys are so stupid that they’re annoying trying to get them to do what you want. So they’re food because it’s enjoyable to overcome their stupidity and succeed in cooking them. Pigs are so smart and yet obstinate, they can be annoying as Hell. They know that and like it. Eating them is gloating over outwitting them.

      Vegetables have attitudes too.

      Wild

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      1. Mrs Fever

        I remember seeing a Gary Larson cartoon once titled “Early Vegetarians Returning From The Hunt” that depicted a bunch of cave-dweller types dressed in leaves (as opposed to furs), holding spears, carrying a giant turnip back to their settlement. Hmmm…

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      2. wildoats1962 Post author

        I’m a resident of the Far Side. I’ve got the books, and I often get the page a day calenders. I forget how long ago he retired, but there are three strips I liked that aren’t drawn anymore, Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, and Bloom County. Mr Larson has a fruit fly named after him, and Jane Goodall personally told him she liked the cartoon he drew about her. He also drew Spam-a-lopes and Tofu-beasts. {neither of them worried about predators}

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      3. wildoats1962 Post author

        Not so much a weight anger thing as an anger food thing. There was a Calvin and Hobbes comic where Calvin raises his hand and asks the teacher, “Shouldn’t the penalty for murder be less in cases of cannibalism because it’s less wasteful?” In the last panel Calvin’s mom s reading a note, “What?!? ANOTHER parent teacher conference?!?” In All Creatures Great and Small {show about British Vets} Tristan and James are in a local pub and they see a farmer crying in his beer. He’s upset because his “Heartless” wife is grinding up his favorite pig and making sausages out of him. In the book Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the main characters get introduced to the main dish of the day. There was a breed of animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so, “Clearly and distinctly”. After they make their choice, the animal says, “I’ll just nip off and shoot meself.” He sees the pained look on Arthur Dents face and says, “Don’t worry sir. I’ll be very humane.”

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